Screw Bathmats!

I'm friggin done with bath mats!!! Shaggy ones! Flat ones! Colorful ones! Whatever ones! They're all done! Friggin stupid bathmats!

Here's how it works in my bathroom.

I hang one big towel on the towel rack. Boom. Fresh and nice. People can dry their hands on it or whatever. After a week or so that towel gets grody-ish and it goes on the floor as the bathmat. Bang. Folded over too so its nice and comfy! And a new fresh towel replaces the one on the rack. Boom. Then when the bathmat towel gets grody it goes in the laundry and the rack towel becomes the bathmat. Bang. See how that works? It's like a rotationary situation!

But recently I went off script and bought myself a bathmat (why I dunno! it felt soft and nice in the store! sucker? me!) and it totally reminded me why I don't use bathmats! And don't like em! And resent em!

The secret truth about bathmats is they're only good for like two days. Then they flatten out and seem worn out and dusty damp for the whole rest of the time. Something about them seems like they should last for weeks! Months even! No! The truth is towels last alot longer AND feel better on your feet then any 3-day old flatass bathmat. Plus!! They're not a pain in the ass to wash! Right!? What is this bullshit with "bathmats"?! A towel feels way better on my feets! This is some scam bullshit from the bathmat people acting like it's some extra thing you need!

What's so bad about a towel on the stupid floor?! I feel like anyone who's coming over my place and is gonna think I'm a shlub for having a towel on my floor can go blow! Am I wrong about this?! WTF! Cmon! There's a denseness to bathmats that makes them slower to dry and they get all matted down like wet flat dogs! They're not even good for what they say they are even! (Yes my grammer sucks! And do my spellings! Whatevs!)

I brought my stupid new bathmat into the laundry and you know what the laundry lady said, 'We have to charge extra for this...' Gong! $4.00! To wash the stupid thing! Every time!? It's enough of this! I am starting an anti-bathmat movement! It's as irrelevant as the...the..  umm.... I dunno... having an original George Foreman Grill! Which by the way I have one of those ! Used it once and then it went right under my sink forever! Screw that thing! Paperweight under my sink still greasy from the one time dealio! What am I gonna make grilled cheese every day?!  know some people are into it but I ain't!

I should wrap that thing in my "bathmat" and huck it out the window at that bicycle that's standing there in front of my building getting rained on doing nothing for me neither!

ok bye!



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