The Doody Bag Dilemma
So when I walk my dog he often makes doody on the street. That's where he makes his doody. It is embarrassing for him and embarrassing for me. Then I have to bend down with the baggie and pick it up. Which is humiliating. (btw once there was a hole in the bag and I touched the doody by accident and now I'm paranoid about holey bags and I triple check them so I never touch doody ever again because even a little bit of doody on my hand will make my hand tingle until I get home and boil it in anti-bacterial gel.)
Anyway, once the doody has been picked up the question becomes "What do I do with this horrible doody bag?"
Of course, the obvious answer is throw it away immediately in a public trashcan. But what if there is no public trashcan in the area? Am I supposed to walk around aimlessly for hours carrying a doody bag looking for a public place to chuck it? Screw that! Sure there's lots of tempting places to get rid of a doody bag that aren't exactly trashcans. Like mailboxes or open car windows or baby strollers passing by-- but this is bad form and frowned upon by most-- if not all.
But by now I know my neighborhood well enough now to know if there's a public trash can nearby-- or if I'm blocks away from one. If it's 4 or 5 blocks away-- I feel stranded with the doody bag.
So what options are left?
Only one really (unless you want to just throw the bag of doody into a bakery and run away. Which is also frowned on by most if not all. Certainly all bakers). The only option hucking the doody into someone's person trash. Every building has their trashcans out front so it seems like it should be simple disposal-- but it's not easy. First off, you feel like a jerk. Nobody likes a random bag of doody in their trash and nobody deserves it. But some trashcans deserve it more than others.
So here are the rules I go by:
1. If the person who lives inside is outside. You don't put your doody in their trashcan right in their face. All FU here's my doody style. It has to be a secret stash on the sly.
2. If the trashcan is right under someone's window I don't use it because I think the people inside can maybe smell the doody. Especially in the summer.
3. If the trash is protected by one of those trashcan enclosures I don't bother with it. It feels more like you're doing B&E on their trash. Except you're not taking anything.
4. If the lids of the trash are like superlids on tight. I don't bother with those either. Seems like people do that to avoid the doody.
5. Recycle bins never get the doody bag even though it's the most biodegradable stuff there is... except for the bag of course.
So which trashcans qualify?
1. Trashcans with open lids always qualify. It's easy to do it on the sly and keep moving. Boom. Doody bomb.
2. Trashcans that are closer to the sidewalk rather than the building get the doody.
3. Trashcans that are already out on the curb for the morning get the doody. Those are most welcome. And feel most legal.
4. Random boxes that already have all sorts of crap in there get the doody.
Sure, it might not be nice to throw a bag of doody in anyone's trashcan but I think this is the only way to go. I simply can't walk around the streets for very long with a bag of doody because I think it contaminates my hand if I hold it for too long and if I'm wearing gloves it even contaminates the gloves.
It's always a weird feeling donating a bag of doody to someone's trash but at least I'm considerate enough to feel weird about it. Even if I do it.
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