The Secret Shunned World of Farts
So last night I was out with a friend of mine at some bar place drinking beers and stuff and I headed to the bathroom to make pee pee wee wee in the urinal, right? I get in there and some guy is already standing at one of the two urinals peeing. Fine. I stand next to him, take out my wang wang (being careful to keep it high enough so it doesn't touch the drain), and start going pee pee wee wee in the urinal. And while peeing I realize I could totally totally blast a fart if I wanted to.
But it being a quiet public bathroom-- I decided it would be rude to super fart while standing next to someone. (This practice has been unacceptable since like 1752 when some colonial dude farted in front of President James Madison and the President got all insulted and passed a law that night while all drunk. True story.) Anyway, if anything my particular fart would have to be downgraded to a squeaker or something that falls into the world of common decency--to demonstrate I had some actual regard for the other person. But I suspected that this particular fart blast would have been Mega-- and a squeaker would not be possible. Certainly subduing it into silence was out of the question. And when another dude walked in I closed down the fart debate and I decided to save the blaster for my walk back through the noisy crowded bar. Hidden under the cloak of the bar activity...
The thing about it is, Why is blasting a fart in the bathroom unacceptable? People go in there and make dookie for poops sake! But the trumpeting the announcement of a brown cloud is considered "rude"?! Dookie is rude! Farts are just farts! Why farts are so shunned? As far as I know all farts have the potential to be funny if teed up right! So why should society force me to release my fart into the bar area and spoil everyone's good time out there for a few moments? It makes no sense! I'm sure everyone at the bar would have preferred it blasted in the bathroom where it really belongs!
Sure maybe I'm just insecure about my bathroom farting and I should get over it. I mean I didn't know who that guy at the urinal was-- why not just blast away with reckless abandon? And if he wants to walk away with the impression that I have the confidence to blast in the bathroom... well... so be it, sir!
PS. Somehow I suspect that girls do in fact blast farts shamelessly in the bathroom--- umm... if they fart at all.