Temper Tamping Tampa Calls *

So I've written before about my phone situation-- but just to recap.

When I first got this phone number in Brooklyn, I immediately started getting calls for 'Victoria Jackson'. Collection agencies. Robot calls from credit cards. Timeshare things. Vacation giveaways. General scams. Probably 2-3 calls per day! Whatever lists there are out there. She's apparently on em. Whatever she did in the first place. She did it wrong. I've considered getting a new number but I'm used to this one and I'm scared I'll get a worse one with worse credit problems.

Of course, I have no idea who Victoria is and have tried to scrub this number clean with 'Do-Not-Call' lists and all that. Sometimes the calls do die down for a month or two but then some cycle passes or whatever and the phone starts ringing again. I've had this number for 5 years and they're looking for Victoria here still. Sad state of affairs in that world of info.

I'm usually pretty nice about stuff because it's not the telemarketers fault that they're annoying me. They're just doing their job off some ancient call list which sucks. And the job probably sucks. For a while I would just tell them, 'Sorry. There's nobody here by that name. Can you take this number off your list?' And alot of times theyd just hang up on me. Cold. Which pissed me off because it was a slap in my niceness face. Demotivating my niceness! Hey! I could be hanging up on them! First! With good reason!

Anyway, the calls have gotten bad over the past few months so recently I started a new strategy. I've been telling them that Victoria moved out but I have her new number if they want it. Sometimes they take it but other times they don't... which is weird. You'd think they'd want it always. The number I give them is 516-922-9463. And my hopes is that somehow that number will get plugged into the main system and eventually multiply and spread. Reattach her name to that number. 

Btw that number is a jokeline run by Jackie Martling. Sounds like this below.

NSFW (f-word and stuff)

Lately it seems as though the telemarketers have gotten weirder. Not sure if it's because of the economy or what. They seem to be more angry and snippy. And often they like accuse me of trying to hide Victoria by giving me the 3rd degree. (So that's her new number? Yes. When did she move out? Umm... a year ago. A year ago? Uh huh...) WTF! I'd hang up straight out but my goal is to stop the calls from coming and plug the jokeline in their crickity system.

Anyway, I got a call yesterday which went differently at least-- it went like this:

<ring ring>

Me: Hello.

Woman: Hi! I'd like to let you know that you qualified for a free two night stay in...

Me: You're probably looking for Victoria Jackson?

Woman: Yes. Do I need to speak with her?

Me: Well, she moved out-- I can give you her new number...

Woman: Actually I can talk to you about the vacation. You qualify too.

Me: I qualify too? You don't even know who I am.

Woman: Would you like to hear the offer?

Me: No thanks.

Woman: Why not?

Me: Umm... I don't like vacations.

Woman: How could you not like vacation?

Me: Umm... I'm a hermit. I don't like going outside.

Woman: Are you married?

Me: No.

Woman: Well maybe that's why...

(total snap!)

Me: Yeah. Maybe...

Woman: And this vacation could help!

Me: Where's the vacation to?

Woman: Tampa, Florida. Sunny Tampa Florida.

Me: And you think my future wife is in Sunny Tampa Florida right now?

Woman: You never know. You gotta get out more.

Me: What if she's not in Tampa? Can I have my money back?

Woman: We can't be responsible if you strike out with her.

Me: But all I do is strike out. Would I be different in Tampa?

Woman: I don't have time for this...

Me: Wait! What's the deal? I wanna hear!

Woman: Do you really want to hear this?

Me: Does anyone really want to hear this?

Woman: Smart people do.

Me: You think? I'm thinking the opposite...

Woman: No wonder Victoria moved out! You're an asshole!


ok bye!


PS. Yes, I'll start recording the calls more often and will post em here:

#1. Here's the first one today. Not too exciting and she seemed kinda nice...

Warning: Some comments below may annoy you or make you roll your eyes...