My Scrotum Theory

Balls are weird. Here they are one of the most important things in the world and they're like hanging off us guys all exposed and vulnerable. They rely on our own stupid self-protection just to survive. Sometimes I wonder why testicles aren't just kept inside safe and sound like other stuff- instead of hanging out in that weird sack. I get that the purpose of the nutsack is to regular temperature. When it's hot out they hang away from the body and when it's cold they get pulled in closer to keep them warm or whatever. But to me it all seems like a design flaw.

Here's my theory. When God was originally designing Man he sent his specs out to the Project Managers. (The original design had testicles designed inside the body). The designs were checked and double checked to make sure all the systems were running smooth. Quality assurance and all that. Tested and double tested. Triple tested. Some dude signed off on it and Man went into production. Factories were set up and parts were put together. One department handled brain. One handled the tongue or whatever. One handled dick and nuts. Etc. Everyone was doing their job piecing together Man.

At some point far into production the idiots in the 'Dick/Nut' department discovered that testicles were way sensitive to temperature and some sort of regulatory system needed to be installed or else reproduction could be threatened. They reported up to the head Project Manager and that dude freaked out. They were wayyyy far into production and this was a serious situation. So he passed it off to the Internal Organs division but those dudes were already in trouble because they stumbled on the realization that the Appendix wasn't necessary anymore and that the Pancreas was a bigger deal than they anticipated. They couldn't even begin to start to design some sort of temperature regulation system for testicles-- especially because this is something the 'Dick/Nut' department should have realized before production even started!

So the Dick/Nut dudes bought cookies and went over to the Female Project factory to try and get some info about Ovaries. The cookies as a bribe. But the women designers decided not to help out. The Female Project had already decided that 'keeping secrets' would be a key part to the overall design of women-- and they felt this situation warranted walking the walk. The 'secret' aspect had become an in-house philosophy. They told the Dick/Nut people to screw off. (They did keep the cookies though).

Dick/Nut dudes realized they needed to figure out a workaround on the fly (so to speak). The delivery date for Man was only weeks away. So the idea of the scrotum sack was conceived by some underling but immediately dismissed as 'stupid'-- then it was revisited when the Dick/Nut boss brought it up as if it was his idea in the first place. So they went with it and they plugged in 'pain for protection' as a security system. (For that aspect the Nervous System department complied. The Nervous System was a department of nerds who were easily intimidated.)

Anyway, eventually Man and Woman rolled off the production line. The two stood side by side proudly naked in front of God. Woman looked beautiful. Man stood there looking stupid with his stupid nuts hanging out. (The first woman snickered). God was like, 'WTF? W-T-F is hanging off him?!' Dick/Nut dudes mumbled something about deciding the dick looking lonely or something and God just rolled his eyes at them. He knew bullshit when he heard it-- but was sort of like screw it. He knew it was too late to turn back and start over. Everyone was pissed. God demoted the whole Dick/Nut Department to work on undersea creatures or something nobody cared about. And that was that.

And that's why dudes have a nutsack...

The End

ok bye!


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