Kite Flight to Upland

So I've always wondered about what happens to stuff that goes up and up and up into the sky-- and doesn't seem to ever come down. Like when some machine gun guy fires off in the air all willy nilly-- do those bullets ever come down? If you shoot off 50 bullets straight up don't they have to come down crazy fast? Eventually? If so, why don't we hear more stories about random sky bullets hitting people more often? Like when there's a celebration in some wayout place and everyone is shooting their gun off--- shouldn't it result in at least a few people ending up shot from above?

And what about the balloons that go up and up and up? What happens to them? I've seen thousands of balloons go into the sky but I've never seen one random half-deflated balloon flutter to the earth out of the clear blue sky like a crap party favor from God. Maybe they just keep going up? Maybe they go into orbit and join space garbage? Tangled in satellites? Or is there a little known place up there in the thin air called Upland? Some stratospheric hard-cloud shelf where stuff eventually lands? All littered up with millions of deflated balloons and bullets?

Anyway, the reason I'm wondering is over the weekend I decided I wanted to fly a kite and show off my kite flying skills for my girlie girl. Although I haven't flown in a kite in like ten years I insisted I was an expert. I bragged about my back in the day days when I flew box kites on the beach. And did up double handled stunt kites loop da loopy. We headed into the kite store and talked some kite smack to kite store guy then told him to hook me up with a dragon kite.

We had an open field. Clear blue sky. Good wind. Conditions in my favor for some impressive kite flightness. I stuck the stick in the kite, tied the string, and got to running it upwards. I was totally surprised to see the kite leave the ground no problemo. It stuck to the wind like flypaper without any sort of swirly struggle or crash landing bounce alongs. It was a natural. Of course, I played it off like my expertise was the cause of its easy smooth takeoff. I let out string like crazy and it just kept going up and up. I avoided any Charlie Brown kite eating tree threats. I didn't screw it up causing a kamikaze divebomb into my own face resulting in a scratched cornea and partial deafness. None of that. Best kite flying situation ever! Up. Up. Up! Eventually I ran out of friggin string! It was full on way up in the sky....

Here's a picture:

Friggin awesome right?!

Anyway, after flying it around for a bit I got all cocky and decided I didn't even need to even hold the plastic string holder anymore-- and I loosely tied the kite to a chair. (A rookie showoff move). Like I'm so good with judging winds that I don't even need to be holding the string anymore? Sure enough after being tied to the chair for a minute the plastic handle wriggled itself free and made a break for freedom! It bounced along the ground and I ran after it like a gorky gorilla chasing a fedora-- but before I could catch it-- the plastic handle took off. Up over the trees and up and up....

Off it went over the trees and houses. We watched it go. Birds were soon flying around it. Checking out the foreigner. Higher and higher it went with no sign of downness. Only sky oblivion in its future. My moment of kite triumph quickly re-categorized itself as a fairly substantial Kite Fail. We imagined the kite crashing down on the highway startling a speeding driver with a fwap! of a dragon face on their windshield (evil eyes staring) causing a pileup. Or it getting tangled in powerlines causing a fire or blackout. Definitely somehow causing a chain reaction of damage.

But then again I'm thinking the possibility of danger is pretty remote-- because it's easier for me to picture the kite going and going up and up for hours. Higher than planes. Out over the ocean. And eventually into the thin air before finally fluttering down in the stratosphere-- landing safely on Upland among the half-deflated balloons and bullets that are fortunately homeless...

ok bye!

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