Let's Talk About Doody! La La La!
I don't like talking about bathroom stuff. Especially doody stuff. Unless it's strictly in a joking context. When it comes down to it all I'm still at a point where I'd rather put my fingers in my ears and go la-la-la at the thought of all the doody making going on all over the world non-stop everyday. Everyone has to. You probably just did a little while ago. And I don't like that.
In a world of the future where we are now-- it seems like we really should have figured a way to move past this (un)seemingly primitive pastime. Some dissolvo-pill or something. Or just stop with eating altogether (which is also somewhat disgusting but fortunately countered by deliciousness).
Sometimes I think it's weird when I see someone famous like Obama or whoever on TV and he'll be speaking in front of the entire world and I'll be like, 'My lord! He could have been making doody like literally ten minutes ago! Pants down! Underwear! Down! He could have been doody grunting like friggin five minutes ago! Now he's up there acting like nothing happened?! WTF!' Same with the Queen. I think about the Queen's doody process sometimes. Is it possible that she distances herself from that whole backyardigan situation by having some lowly serf clean up and powder her butt? Every time? I mean it's not really very regal to think about the Queen blasting doody everywhere (sorry brits), yknow? Wiping is a whole other thing. (Uch. I hate the word 'wipe'.) Maybe Mariah doesn't wipe herself? At least maybe she has someone spot check? Or something? Who knows when you have people around you all the time? Maybe you gotta just think up jobs for some hanger-ons. Especially the ones you're not all that crazy about.
ANYWAY, I was just talking with a friend of mine and we were making doody jokes or whatever and we stumbled onto the topic of the Cottonelle wipes.
There are different brands or whatever. The wet wipes for grown-ups.
(BTW I DO NOT LIKE TALKING ABOUT THIS EITHER!!!!)
Anyway, I was like, 'Hey man! Are you onboard with the cotttonelle wet wipe situation? And he was like, 'Totally always. Gotta.' I was like, 'Me too!' We didn't get into the details but we did talk about how awesome they are. He mentioned that Will Smith (who likes them) once said, "If you get some doo-doo on your hand are you gonna wipe it off with a dry piece of tissue and that's it? No." Another friend of mine seriously doesn't leave the house without them.
But I've found there's some resistance by many people to bring them aboard with their personal doody tradition. I've promoted them to friends and sometimes they kind of get a look on their face like it's something they wouldn't consider. Like I'm trying to throw a curveball into their doody world. I'm not sure why. Maybe it does seem sort of baby-ish to use something em? Butt in any case, I feel I really have to declare how much non-users are missing out (so to speak sorta). These things are great. But more importantly-- it's better. Life changing almost in a way. No you don't feel all wet gross after. So stop being snobbish about it! Just try em...
I want to keep writing about how you should try them but frankly the thought of this is making me gag while I type. No offense. I just don't want to think about this anymore.