Dear Gross Dude in the Steam Room,

Hello. Remember me? Probably not...

Today I was sitting in the steamroom at the gym enjoying the silence and zoning out. I was perfectly happy enjoying my steam --- until you walked in friggin buck naked with your scrotum swinging out and I watched in horror as you sat down on the steamroom floor and started doing yoga exercises!! Are you kidding me!? On the floor of the steam room!? Uch! Would you be comfortable giving yourself a whirlie in a gas station toilet? Did I really need to see your friggin nutsack floating in a puddle of ass sweat as you tried to touch your toes? Why would you permanently burn my brain by getting up on your knees and then bending over all naked ass until your forehead touched the floor? Your face touched the floor! Did you realize where you were?! And did you realize someone else was in the room?

I also had no need for the grunts and deep breaths that accompanied your exercises. You didn't even let me escape by closing my eyes! I tried to be open minded about it. I did. I guess hothouse yoga is a thing people do--- but you do it in hothouse yoga places!!! Not in my steamroom! I tried to ignore you. I put my shoulder towel (note: two towels! not none! two!) over my head to try and block you out--- but then you started slapping at your own skin! Slapping at your legs and back! Loud! And grunting! Uch! WTF!

Do you not know what the steam room is for? You are supposed to work out before you go in there! It is a place for relaxation and overcoming the mental challenge of being in a disgusting place? You don't do anything but just sit there! Relaxation in contamination! Sit there until you feel like you're gonna pass out-- then leave. I don't need to see  you practice your sweaty yoga balls!

And how could you lay down on that floor?!!! That's superhuman! And why were you slapping yourself so I can hear the wet slaps?! And grunting! Gross! I don't even know if I can go back in that steam room ever again! What you did is on a par with having a favorite bathroom stall at work and then one day you open the door and there's diarrhea all over it! It's like that! ... Ruined!

Ok maybe that's too much. I take that back. It's not ruined. Forget the bathroom stall thing. There's plenty of disgusting to go around with this post without ramping it up with a disgusting analogy...

ok bye!


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