30 Days of Night
Ok. I can't really give a true review of this flick for a number of reasons:
1. I was sort of drunk when I saw it.
2. The movie started at 12:45AM and I was tired going in.
3. The theater was packed and I watched it in the front row. Yes, the front row.
4. The audience was too yelly and the guy behind me kept kicking my seat.
5. I walked out after an hour.
But I think I got the gist of what this movie was about so I'll tell you the dilly anyway.
Ok. Last night I went to a party with a friend of mine in some chick's apartment. It was a little weird because it was a one-bedroom apartment so everyone is sort of stuffed into this one room. It's a strange dynamic which sometimes weirds me out. People come in from all over to stand in this one room and snack and talk to each other then everyone goes home. It's a strange human habit. One top of it, if you get caught up in a conversation with someone-- there's no go-to excuse to get out of the conversation except getting another drink or going to the bathroom. And if you have a full drink and just peed-- what do you do? Say, 'I'm gonna go stand... over there... now.' ? Anyway, I ended up drinking a decent amount of beer, wandered around having awkward conversations, and felt like an outsider. And at some point nobody was talking to me so I took my phone into the bedroom and called my friend Mr. Moviefone to see what was going on later. 30 Days of Night he tells me! At 12:45! Perfecto. I grabbed my friend, left the party, we picked up 24oz Kirin beers-- and made it just in time.
We walk into the theater and it's jam packed. I couldn't believe it. It was 12:45AM and it looked sold out! Scattered single seats only! (The sad part is sometimes at dopey late night movies like this you see dopey people sitting there with their kid(s). Friggin heart breaking. A movie that is vampires... with monster teeth... jumping out of the dark... and chomping the blood out of people-- that it ends at 2:45 in the morning. How could a parent be that bad? And if they're that bad of a parent, how is it that their kid isn't sitting there with their underwear on their head and drinking Woolite? Same level of competence to me.)
Anyway, sitting in the front row is no fun never. Especially a movie like this where the action is all blurry flashy extra choppy-- but we were willing to give it a shot. The flick started off ok enough with the setup of the nowheresville town in Alaska preparing for the sun to go away for 30 Days. Vampires start arriving. Coolio! I really dig the concept so that carried a long way for me. Maybe 12-14 minutes total. Then the fantasy faded... and reality set in. I craned my neck up at this movie which was going downhill and picking up speed. I turned to my friend to see how he was dealing with the front row--- and he was dead asleep. His opened beer in the cup holder. Out cold. I was jealous and I was on my own.
I stuck it out for a while. Trying to figure out a way to actually like this movie. But there was nothing there for me. Josh Hairnett would have to double his personality just to get to boring. The other characters were all nothingers. Although the vampires looked creepy enough, their kills were way too fast. Especially for the front row. It was impossible to follow any action. Then the vampires started talking with subtitles which I thought was lame. Then it got more stupider. Then I heard my friend snoring. I elbowed him. He pretended he'd been awake the whole time. Then he went back to sleep. The theater audience got louder and louder yelling and stuff. I checked my watch it was 2:00AM. The movie had 45 minutes to go. I didn't feel like beer anymore. I didn't feel like blood anymore. And this flick wasn't going to save itself. I punched my friend in the arm and told him we were getting the hell out of there. He mumbled in agreement.
On the way out we passed a mother shamelessly hustling her child (maybe 6 or 7 yrs old) back from the bathroom. Rushing to their seats because they heard screams from the theater and "mommy" didn't want to miss a good part. Sigh.
Three Good Things About this Movie
- I liked the vampire's teeth.
- The guy who played Claire's boyfriend in Six Feet Under does another nutty screen stealing good job.
- I liked an overhead shot of the vast videogame-esque wildness when the initial rampage happens.
Three Bad Things About this Movie
- 30 Days of Night seemed to all happen in one night. Did they
miss the point? 30 days! Of night! Tense slow month-long killing! Take your time!
- The vampires either needed to be less mysterious or more mysterious. They were just half-formed.
- If I don't care about who's getting killed-- I don't care that they're getting killed-- and the how was just repetitive.
All in all, from what I could see-- this movie was ungood. There is a chance that it would have been better if I'd actually been seated right and not drunk and tired. But even so, this flick came off as yet another forgettable junky fix for true vampire fiends-- who are now being forced to survive on stuff like this (and the Underworld series). Basically, the equivalent of trolling the back alley of Hollywood sucking the life out of rats just to stay alive...