The Aristocrats

The Aristocrats is a poorly directed, terribly edited movie featuring a bunch of blowhard dickheaded comedians who roll around in their own filth of arrogance over the greatness of a tradition of telling what essentially is an inside joke (that really isn't a great joke at all in the first place). However, the movie is still pretty interesting to watch and friggin funny alot depending on who's doing the talking. And this flick word-for-word probably contains the most amount of cursing and disgusting talk of any movie ever- which I guess is an achievement of sorts.

So here's a trophy for it:

Anyway, the whole movie is just going around from comedian to comedian to comedian to writer to comedian and they all either tell their version of the joke, or discuss the origin of the joke, or why the joke is good, or classic times the joke was told, or different variations of the joke, or whatever. But the trick to the joke is to tell it differently everytime and make it as disgusting and disturbing as possible. For me during this flick, alot of times the joke was funny as I am a fan of doody and pee pee jokes and also vomit and violence jokes. But I'm not crazy about incest jokes and there was alot of that in there too. They have a dull ring to me. So whatever. But there was lots of doody talk and that's aok in my book... or should I say in my.. butt? But the movie just goes too long and the comedians are so puffed up proud of their own stupidness that they wear you down-- as they beat the joke to death.

(Ok so what's the joke? Not sure if this qualifies as a spoiler because they tell the joke in the first 10 minutes of the movie and apparently alot of people know the joke already. (I had never heard it). So if you wanna read the joke scroll down to the bottom of the page and it'll be there. Warning: It's totally gross and you probably do not want to read it because not only is it super gross but it's also super duper stupor stupid. But if you must you must.)

But unfortunately every time I started really respecting what it was doing. I'd get annoyed by the terrible editing/directing. It's like every interview was like some jerk highschool kid flipping through Directing for Dummies and going, 'Ok! Let's do a close up, then far away, then side angle, then close up again, then side, then close, then far away again, then lets zoom in, then lets zoom in sideways, then lets zoom in from other sideways but first from the first sideways side. I'm a director! Directing!' It was constantly distracting. I just wanted to listen to what the people were saying. It seemed all over the road the whole time like it was an annoying drunk who is desperate to keep the party going..

All in all, I wasn't bored and I liked watching this movie. I probably laughed out loud close to 20x which was alot. It was hard to avoid. So that was something. And good. But there was only a few times that I laughed really frickin hard. So that's something too. The main problem is by blowing this joke and history up on the big screen like this. I think it pretty much probably (sadly) finally killed this inside joke.... and there's a side of me that thinks it might have been better off (and funnier) if left backstage... away from us stoogey outsiders.

Three Good Things About This Movie

- It was a spectacle of terrible talk that rose to a level I've never seen.
- There was something heartwarming and fun about seeing all these dopes have a good time bonding of something so stupid.
- It was nice to see someone like Gilbert Gottfried emerge as a hero.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- It overstayed its welcome.
- Some of the comic people were jerks wearing sunglasses and stuff.
- I guess this joke is just a white comics thing which was sort of weird as it was noticeably white

Anyway, this movie isn't as great as it claims it is but much better than the terribleness it projects. I definitely liked seeing some of my favorite makeupless clowns talk about a common thing with such love. And man do I love a good doody joke. So should you see it? Well, it really depends on your tolerance for cursing. And your tolerance for comedians desperate to one-up themselves and each other... for us.... who never really asked them to...








So this guy walks into a talent agents office and says he's got a great act. The talent agent is like, 'Ok.. Let's hear it'. So the guy sits down and says, 'Ok this is a family act involving my wife and son and daughter and dog and we all...

(Insert a long tirade of disturbing violence, incest, doody, pee pee, vomit, blood, more doody, more violence, then more sex, then the dog gets involved, then more doody and pee pee and then there's diarrhea all over the dog and someone starts drawing swastikas all over everything and then we launch flaming doody at the audience and then we bring out this big horse and we all have as anal sex with the horse while the horse is throwing up on a two-legged kitten and then someone punches the horse in the face and then someone punches the kitten in the crotch and then horse lands on its back and we all play ring toss on the horse boner while the horse eats the kitten. Then we give the horse a cleveland steamer. Then we all bang the dog. Then we kick each other in the crotch until everyone pees blood. Then we throw up on the horse's anus. Then the dog climbs into the horse anus and emerges dressed as a french waiter with a tray of doody hors'doeuvres which we all snack on while we play tapes of Hitler and salute our private parts. Then anal again. Then we do this lottery thing where the person with the lucky seat number gets brought up on stage and urinate on them and smash them in the face with a frozen fish covered in doody knocking out all their teeth. Then the horse throws up the dead kitten and the dog eats it. In the end the whole family gets together and we all throw up in each other's mouths and swallow it then we doody out vomit on a bed of hot coals so the smoke gets up there setting off the fire alarm and the sprinklers go off and sprays not water but burning urine down on everyone...)

The talent agent looks at the guy and is like, '....Jeez that's some show. What do you call it?'

The guy says proudly, 'The Aristocrats!'