Casino Royale

So yesterday I headed out to see this flick with a friend of mine. Snackwise we stocked up pretty well because I heard this movie goes extra long. We had twix, kit kat (not regular but some new one. i forget what it's called. stix or something?) also wasabi peas, pringles (reduced fat. not bad.) twizz and water. The place was a packed house and we ended up sitting off to the side a little too close to the screen which annoyed me. We burned through a good amount of the snacks before the previews even finished and I felt a little ill. Like I just totally monnged out. They're starting to shove this Will Smith inspirational story down my throat which looks good but they gotta back off a little. And there was a preview for the new Fincher movie (Zodiac) which upsettingly played lame. Yawn. Son of Sam II?

Whatever. It was time for Bond. James Bond. Bames Jond. Thames Wand. Aims Pond. Reigns Quand. Mond Zond. Zippy the Monkey (who rides a tricycle), Fred Willard. Whatever. To give you an idea of where me and Bond films are at, I like em but I've never been a hardcore fan of them. For me there's no stand-out Bond film that screams, "Now that's what James Bond is about! I love it!" They all sort of blur into one big mishmash of scars and golden guns and girls with long hair and swimsuits with belts and yachts and metal teeth and cleavage and the chinese guy with the hat and underwater explosions and keypad punching and cars jumping over stuff. If you asked me the plot of any past Bond film I wouldn't be able to tell you one. Not even the basics. That being said I like the idea of Bond and continue to wait for the new fantastic Bond movie that they've told us is coming for 25 years now... and has yet to arrive.

But all in all, I liked this new Bond movie. Yadda. Ok. Wanna hear complaints or good things first? Complaints first? You sure? Ok. Yeah you're like me then.

Time for a bit of trivia!

In the Casino Royale poker game, who was sitting to the left of James Bond?"

Answer: The Dealer. There were ten poker players in this game, which of course included James Bond and Le Chiffre. The stakes were as high as $150 million, so Bond and Le Chiffre both wanted to win. Bond had to win the money in order to stop Le Chiffre from financing terrorists; if Bond lost then the English government would in fact be directly financing terrorism. It was an all or nothing game. Bond was seated next to the dealer, and directly opposite Le Chiffre."

Rules to poker are here!

This interesting fact was provided by the our friends at Casino Top Lists. They have a huge selection of casino room reviews! It's hard to know which sites to trust so it was good to finally find a site offering trusted and unbiased reviews.

First off I thought Daniel Crock was too bulked up McBulky Bulkster. He was all, 'Look at my muscles! Note the muscles! Did you see muscles? Do you want me to make a muscle? Here let me take my shirt off so you can get a better look at my muscles! Arm! Big! Right? And my nipples are here and here! My buttocks are back here!' For that reason (and others) I think women dig new Bond more than guys do. To be honest, I think this movie had an noticeable undercurrent of straight-out chick flicknicity. He was the protector more than the seductor. He was capable of love and hurt. He said alot of mushy stuff. He visited romantic fantasyland. He got naked. Every chick I spoke to about this flick seemed to realllly like it. I wonder why. Hmmm. But whatever. Other than that the complaints are pretty typical. This flick is a solid 25 minutes too long. The plot which started off coolio got all dorked and confusing then tripped over itself and landed on its head. There were no great gadgets. The action was fun but notably unspectacular. Sometimes the dialogue was American cheese. And blah blah. Yadda. Enough of the complaints.

The good news! This movie has plenty of good stuff! And stays entertaining enough on and off throughout. As much as I can complain about the new Bond stud I think he's a solid choice. I liked how he separated himself from Bond's of old. The movie had some real surprises. There's probably the most balls-out on foot chase sequence ever which made me laugh because it was so stupid but wowed anyway. The plot (in theory) had a good foundation. There was enough funny to keep things moving. And I liked the car flipping and ball smashing. The bad guy looked evil cool with a messed up eye and weird pursey lips. And the smattering of Dame Judi anchors it. So when all was said and done I think this movie primed the Bond pump to set up a great Bond movie. If they can just contain the plot. Have him be flawed and darker. Have the action be much crunchier. And geek it up a little with some gizmos damn it! It's almost 2007! The future already happened over two years ago!

Three Good Things About this Movie

- There seemed to be a real honest push to avoid autopiloting it.
- I dug the sidekick chick with the weird eyes. She was convincing and had nice bazooms.
- There was a big enough payoff in the end to make the length almost acceptable.

Three Bad Things About this Movie

- Sometimes Daniel Crock looked kinda weird. Like some kind of monster or something.
- One chick was in a dress when she should have been in her underwear.
- It felt like the screws weren't screwed in nearly tight enough.

All in all, I thought this movie was good enough-- but still wandered around in some generic bland land. But the good news is with Pierce Brodman you knew exactly what to expect from that guy. He was the rico suave of Bonds. Mr. Smooth dork. Corporate sponsored Bond. With this new guy it seems they're willing the break the stupid mold and have him do his own thing. Hopefully next time they'll have the balls to be serious enough to hold the plot together till the end-- and not have it just fade into the background in exchange for (cough) love...

(sorry ladies)