Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle

First off. Resist seeing this movie. I liked the first one. But this one simply ain't worth it. It's way way too dumb.

I gotta tell ya though, the first ten minutes I was in the theater I was laughing my ass off! Totally! Unfortunately the movie hadn't started yet. I was laughing cause there was a group of like twenty 10 year old kids sitting in a pack near me. And whenever a screen scrambler would pop up some kid would yell out 'Penis Vagina!' Like that was the answer. Or 'Penis McPenis!' It was really funny. Then some kid finally swatted at him to stop and he yelled 'Ow you hit me in the penis!' It was funny. I remember when words like 'penis' were the funniest words. I was happy that hearing them yelled out in a theater was still funny to me.

Anyway, Charlie's Angels. First off, if I hear one more interview from any of these three dopey chicks somehow trying to attach some level of importance to this movie I'm gonna yack. I think it's insulting to women to say that this movie carries some sort of 'girl power' message. It's not girl power. It's exploitation (which I'm ok with don't get me wrong) But the only girl power this movie proves is that three women can pull off a crappy sequel just as well as the men... if not even better.

I admit for the first half-hour I liked the movie. It had plenty of boobs and butts. Hair flying around. There was dancing and kicking and zooming around and explosions and it was sort of a nice spectacle. I was kind of digging it because it was so unashamed to be so over the top. Then the movie lost me. Or I shook it off. But at some point the fun left the movie and I sat there feeling stupid for being there in the first place. It got insulting with its dumbininity.  I usually don't mind stupid. I usually like stupid. But something about this particular brand of dumb was offensive on some level. I've never ever seen a movie that so blatantly decided to ignore a plot. 

The good news is all three chicks shake their butts alot and dance. The bad news is Drew Barrymore didn't bring her personality to work. She was a big yawn. Cameron Diaz drilled her clumsy blonde thing into the ground, buried it, and got annoying. Lucy Liu looked good but had a side story with John Cleese that stood out as the prime example for worthlessness plotwise. And Demi Moore was vaguely disturbing with her 'look how good i look don't i look good look at me i look good i'm looking good don't i look good? i look good please say how i look good i'm in shape i look good you know who looks good? guess. give up? me! i look good. good guess.'

And director Joseph McGinty Nichol's arrogance swaggers all over this movie. Unfortunately he's not as cool as he thinks. Some of the stunts were sorta fun but really very whatever. Cool in the same way a 15 year old stunt coordinator would be like... "ok... then like this one dirt bike flies over this other dirt bike and the bad guy stands on his head on the handlebars while shooting a gun and there's this other dirtbike that like flies in and this like other guy he does a backflip right before it explodes and he lands on the back of this other bike and then...and then this other one explodes too! Cool right? Right?" Right...real cool. Also action and fights scenes set to Prodigy music? (both Firestarter AND Breathe) and old Chemical Brothers? Please. So played out. C'mon duuude....

As it went on. It just got tiring. It wasn't that I had hatred for the movie. It's watchable. But that's all it is. Barely. Ironically, the very last line of the movie is a punchline to a bad joke. It ends with Lucy saying, 'It's a no brainer!'  Right on, Angel! Now the three of you line up and shake your butts for me again. I still don't feel like I got my moneys worth. And this was a $5 matinee.

Three Good Things About This Movie

- It moved along at a decent clip although it went from place to place going nowhere.
- Some of the stunts were pieced together nicely and I like the slow motion punches in the face with mean girl face delivering the punch.
- The ass shaking and jiggling. If that's 'girl power'... it works like a charm.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- Besides the 'Angels' I didn't understand the purpose of any other characters. Seriously. I didn't know what any of they were doing there or why.
- During the movie some dick marched down the aisle and told the group of kids to please 'shut up'. Dude, if you're dumb enough to be pissed off at kids because they're talking thru friggin Charlie's friggin Angels ... it's time to take a chill pill and meet me on the hill. Dick.
- The movie was so extraordinarily dumb that I think it actually burned out some brain cells.... like a whippit..

All in all. Simply put. Resist this. I know how tempting it is. If you really need to see what it's about just watch the preview over and over again. Because that's all this movie really is. It's one big long drawn out preview. Great preview. Bad movie. And if you wanna see it for the asses- here's all three. Here. Here. And here.

Resistance isn't futile. If we support genuine garbage like this... they'll just recycle it.