So today I wandered out of my place to catch the 12:40 matinee of this here flick. On a scale of 1-10 psychetidiness I'd say I was at about an 8. The first glimpse I saw of this was back in the day at a preview for Transformers. I was like, 'What was that coolioness!? I wish I was seeing that instead of stupid Transformers!' And I knew I'd see this movie the moment it came out and I done did just that. I picked up a turkey and swiss wrap sandwich, some wasabi peas and a big water and got there a solid half-hour early to make sure I could sit where I wanted. I read the Post as the theater filled up with teenagers and more teenagers and more and I had mixed feelings about that. First off, umm... Isn't it a school day? Second, I didn't want the crowd enthusiasm to get interactive with someone kicking my seat or trying to bounce Sour Patch Kids off my dome. Fortunately the crowd was just right. A nice mix of funny shout-outs, laughs, ohhh!s and ooooh!s at the good parts.
Anyway, Cloverfield (bad title!) starts up with a long beep test pattern screen and some kid immediately demanded his money back. Funny! And then the shakycam starts up introducing us to all the assumingly doomed people. Cute girl. Funny guy. Loverboy. Weird chick. Other random chick. Standard dude. All B-level emteevee-ish actors. The introductions go on for a good 15 minutes which I didn't mind-- but I did start to itch for some smashy mcsmasherin. I had made a decision from minute one that I wasn't going to 'care' about anyone on screen so what really was the point in getting to know em. I was looking forward to them getting all mushed up. When the initial wave of attacks finally came, my mouth dropped open and stayed that way for a good 10 minutes solid. I loved what I was seeing. The sound was great. I couldn't wait for more destruction. The shakicamness was an on and off dizzying annoyance but I got used to it pretty fast. And I dug the cheaty glimpses it provided by locking on some thing for a split second then scattering off into shakeycamland.
What I was hoping for was straight hard-core chaos for the rest of the movie. I just wanted screaming confused terror for an hour. Just survival at stake. Nothing else. Thank you. But of course the peeps behind this flick couldn't help diving into some sort of "plot". Bleh. Loverboy had to go back to get his girlfriend-- and his stupid friends decided they would go along to help him out. <cough> C'mon! I thought that kind of stuff only happened in the movies!! If I was in this situation and a friend of mine said he had to go toward the monsters to save his girlfriend-- I'd hand him a bike helmet and wish him luck before running off screaming HELLLLPPPP MEEEE! Shoving people aside. But whatever. I guess goals are nice and they needed some glue to make it a 'movie'.
And as things played out and the monster(s?) started doing some monstering-- I was a very happy kid. I wore a dumb whip-it style grin while watching a very coolio smashy movie. Going OOOH! when oohs were warranted. Laughing at some of the awesome awesome moments. Jolting up when jolted. Being stunned when seeing something stunning. (Yawning when bored). But unfortunately there was groany level of non-real reality. Specifically, the blaring (puke worthy) lack of terrified New Yorkers everywhere. Also there was an eye-rolling absence of media presence. And a disappointing PG-13 level of gore. I could pick at this thing all day if I really wanted to. But whatever! What's the point? It's a dopey monster movie shot in a coolio new way and I simply can't deny the rollercoaster goodness of it all.
Three Good Things About this Movie
- There were a few scenes that were straight out awesome.
- I liked how the soldiers dealt with the bitten one.
- It looked more expensive than I expected.
Three Bad Things About this Move
- Seriously, where did everybody go?
- Although it was short-- it still felt a little long. They passed the ending as far as I was concerned.
- I kept wondering about the battery life and his superability to keep filming.
All in all, if you dig monsters and can deal with shakeycam this needs to be seen on the big screen. But surprisingly on the walkout, I listened to the 'kids' talking about it and they seemed underwhelmed. They kind of just made fun of it all whatevery. Some weren't even discussing it at all. I was really sort of stunned. I thought they'd be all lit up over it. Then, I realized it was probably just my slow response time to totally disposable entertainment. I think their processing speed is way faster than mine at this point. Because it felt like they just chucked this thing in the garbage on the way out--- while I took it home with me and will probably throw it out sometime over the weekend...
PS. Here's an exclusive photo of the Cloverfield monster. Spoiler!! Do not click if you want to see the monster!!