I just saw Confidence and I am confident that it pretty much sucked. Let's put it this way. Imagine this scene:
You're riding across the plains on the back of a lion going, 'Yeeha!' and 'Woohoo!'
It's a great ride. The wind is flying. You're hanging on to the mane. You feel a real rush from the ride. Then the lion starts to slow and cough. It seems exhausted. You get off its back and asks if it's ok...
Then the lion throws up diamonds.
You look at the lion
and he looks back at you then looks at the diamonds. He spits out one
more.. then hocks out another...
The lion looks around and in a panic and says, 'I'll give you half of these diamonds if you forget you saw any of this.'
(FREEZE FRAME OF YOU SMIRKING)
VOICEOVER: "Sometimes you chase lady luck... sometimes lady luck just shows up naked in your bed."
The lion shakes his head at the diamond-vomit and says, 'Fuck. We got a deal or what?'
Off in the distance a pack of zebras are closing in fast. The lion starts to freak out and uses its paws to cover up the diamond-vomit with dirt..
You ask, 'What's going on...?'
The lion is like, 'Just smile and pretend you don't know anything..'
Before you know it the zebras are there and circling you and making horse-type noises. And stomping the dirt.
(FREEZE FRAME OF YOU LOOKING OFF TO THE LEFT)
VOICEOVER: A problem is only evidence of the need for a solution..
The leader zebra says, 'What's going on, boys...?'
The lion stutters and acts friendly. He says, 'Nuttin, Big Z. We'z just out riding around is all...How ya been, Big Z?'
Big Z (the main zebra) looks at the wet dirt. There is a glimmer of diamonds showing through.
Then Big Z says, 'Whatja get sick?'
The lion says, 'Yeah I got kind of a stomach flu type thing. I'll be ok...' and pushes some more dirt on the throwup attempting to cover the remaining glimmer.
Then Big Z says, 'You wouldn't be sick with guilt about something would ya?'
The zebra standing next to Big Z laughs and says, 'Sick wit guilt.. that's funny boss...'
Big Z sidekicks the sidekick zebra in the side with a sidekick and says, 'Shaddap stupid...'. The sidekick zebra stops laughing...
The lion says, 'Guilt? What would I be guil...'
Then Big Z explodes, 'WHAT DO YOU THINK?! YOU WERE JUST GONNA GET AWAY WITH THIS? LOOK AT MY STONES! THEY'RE COVERED IN FRICKIN PUKE!'
The lion tries to maintain his smile and starts to stutter out an explanation as the zebra gang slowly closes in.
You realize you need to make a move.
You reach into your inside pocket and pull out a small pistol and aim it right at Big Z. The zebras stop moving in.
You look Big Z dead in the eye and say, 'I think we can all leave here happy...'
Big Z remaining absolutely calm says, 'I don't know who you are... but the one thing I know is... you don't know who you're messing with...'
You cock the gun and take a step closer pointing the gun sideways at lead zebra and say, 'I can say the same about you...'
OK? So... umm... Actually I'm not really sure what that has to do with the movie. I guess nothing... it was supposed to somehow but now that's it's done I don't remember. Just ignore that whole thing... Let me start over.
I saw Confidence today and it sucked. From the get-go it was obvious that Confidence was straight cookie cutter. Take a half-star (Ed Burns). Add an aging star in need of a wacky bad guy role (Dustin Hoffman). Mix in hot chick who can't act. (Whoever that was). And throw in plenty of side characters and mix thoroughly to the point of confusion. Add a cup of stupid plot and a spoonful style. Then bake with boredom. Space out while it all cooks. Take the cookies out and let them cool. (actually just pretend they're cool). Then taste. Taste bland? They came out bad, huh? Take the whole tray and walk over to the garbage. Step open the lid and dump them in. You realized you wasted your time.
That's this movie.
Three Good Things About this Movie
- Dustin Hoffman who plays the head of the crime thing (he's named 'King' -if
that's not a bad sign I don't know what is) was mildly entertaining.
- It's always fun seeing Luis Guzman. He's a top 5 go-to guy in movies I think.
- There was some strippers dancing in a booth.
Three Bad Things About this Movie (tough to narrow this down but...)
- For a movie with so much 'style' it had absolutely no style.
- The acting was strikingly bad by most of the main cast. The ultrasucky dialogue just made everything worse.
- The director drowned the whole movie in soapy greens and blues that made you want to go to sleep.
All in all this is the kind of movie that makes you feel like you can make a movie better than this movie. And you probably could. Don't even bother with this flick when it comes out on video. Y'know when you should see it? After Confidence 2 comes out. Which will be never. Which is when this movie might be cool and worth watching.