Crank
So I was way psyched for this movie. Not sure why. I just liked the basic plot. It's a guy who has some poison in him and if his adrenaline slows down then he dies so he has to keep going all juiced and I just decided I'm going to write this review straight through without stopping for a second and maybe i'll do a spell check at the end or whatever no screw that i'm not going to change any of the words so whatever gets said is gonna be said and that's that! ok I just hit backspace but in general it's not going to be rewritten or edited or anything like that because that would defeat the purpose of what I'm doing now which is already happening. Here we go!
I saw this movie with a friend of mine today and unfortunately we had a family behind us that brought a ton of food with them and it was all crinkle crinkle pass the rip open the bag noise crunch crunch crinkle crinkle and all that and it was doubly annoying because the kids were too little to be in a movie that's basically all violence it made me feel a little sad the whole time because they would laugh at the violence like they'd seen stuff like that before lots. Anyway, the star of this movie is Jason Stromthurman who I've seen before in Hitch no not Hitch what's the movie that Guy Ritchie did before he started making awful flicks what's it called. One word. You know what I'm talking about. Snatch!!! yes! ok that's the one. Yeah I like this guy and recently I saw him in Transporter 2 which was so dumb it made me dumber in the head just for watching it but I liked it anyway because he's all tough cool funny guy who somehow floats above the gaggy stupidness all around him.
Whatever I'm not sure how this is working out so far but I'm not going to go back and check because that would mean I wouldn't doing what I said I was gonna do in the first place which I'm reiterating now unnecessarily. Ok on to talking about the movie. I think the first half of this movie is borderline friggin great. It starts off and it just goes from zero to sixty so fast that you can almost feel the G's. So stupid so good! The directing style is all splashy crazy mixing up all sorts of different tricks and violence is fun and the fact that you know this guy can care less about the rules because he's a walking dead man is coolio and fun. And for the first half I was glued to this friggin thing. It was totally watching something on drugs! A blaze of cellphone calls and guns in faces and car chases and coke and nasal spray and friggin red bulls and going going going... and I was thinking how long can they keep this going for!??!! Speeding like this the whole way?! Fun time the whole way?
Nay. Around the time Amy Smart ...not --steps onto the screen the wheels start coming off the movie. He slows down too much. She's unnecessary to the whole movie really. For the first half she just a voice on an answering machine that never picked up. It would have been better if they just left it at that. And maybe funnier too. Toward the end of the movie things started coming around again and the ending was totally great but it does take a nose dive at the 2/3rd mark and the wheels fly off and it just keeps going on the rims shooting sparks and fishtaleiling that meant to be fishtailing all over the place. But regardless of all that it did keep moving and I never really got bored. I just got disappointed that they had to throw whatevery chick into the mix...- which just gummed up the machine.
Three Good Things About this Movie
- Hot chicks in big fishbowls! Boobs and butt!
- Pedro from Napoleon Dynamite was in it and in a preview before the movie so
lots more Pedro actor guy coming soon.
-When Jason was running around in the hospital it was friggin funny pushing over
patients and putting a gun to a head to someone on a gurney. Dig it!
Three Bad Things about this Movie
- Instead of being intentionally silly it just got extra stupid.
- The plot which was totally at a simple duh level got unnecessarily
complicated.
- Ummm I dunno there was something else bad can't think of anything.
All in all I'd say this movie is totally fun if you can sink down to its level. Its standing on top of a car music cranking with a gun in one hand and a can of spray paint in the other and the car is driving all over the road like a maniac and the guy is shooting the gun off in the air while spray painting people's faces at the red lights. Shoot I have no idea what that even means. I thought I'd be able to wrap this up better than I am but I ain't sort of like the movie too boom done!