Derailed

This may be the most rent-ready movie in years. A new breed of what's basically straight-to-video that sorta just happens to stopped over in the theaters along the way. I can see the DVD box already. A few quotes about how good this movie is. Picture of Cleve Owen with his signature over the collar over the shoulder look and the Aniston looking distant and smart by his side. Shadows on both their faces. Maybe a gun in there somewhere to show it means business. Rows and rows of it at Blockbuster. Maybe two left on the shelf. One for you. Or perhaps it's number 7 in your Netflix cue. It's ready to ship. It just needs to shlump it's ass out of the theater first and plop down in your DVD player.

Anyway, every girl I know wants to do it with Cleve Owen big time. Not sure what it is about this guy. But somehow he's like rocketed to the top of the 'do it' list. Bumping aside the Dreamboy Depp and Dickweed Pitt and the rest of them. Not sure why that is about the Cleve. Is that over the shoulder collar up look so good? He was doing it so much in this movie I was surprised that when he was sitting in a restaurant across from Aniston they didn't just turn his chair the other way and have his back to her. Just to get that look and get it over with. Cause straight on he's a mush face. Right? And where the hell in England do you get an accent like that anyway? Mumbleshire?

As for the Aniston, there's definitely a problem for me. The Rachel factor is not wearing off. She's still so Rachel-y. But now she says the F word and shows herself in a bra (nice!). I really did try to separate the Rachel from the Aniston but I just can't do it on the big screen. That separation only works for me on video. Like in The Good Girl and whatever other respectable forgetables she's done. On the big screen she's always Rachel acting like someone else. But on my tv I'm able to overcome it and watch her for who's she's pretending to be. The Rachel factor drains away. She's like the highest paid almost straight to video girl. Kinda sucks that's she's trapped this way for now... cause she's actually a pretty good actress.

Oh yeah, the movie? It's not as bad as it coulda been but much worse than it shoulda been. The dialogue was colorblind paint by numbers. Right off the bat when the daughter said, 'Dad, you promised you'd help with my book report...' I thought.... book report? It just sounded very video. There wasn't a real moment in this whole movie. The plot shuffled and bumbled along. Yadda yadda. Twisty turny. Clanging pots and pans of plodding plot. It was all so whatevery. But I admit watched this thing straight through and liked it. It wasn't offensively bad. It just falls into the scrap heap of future dvd releases that await us at the video store. Rated W for whatever.

Three Good Things About this Movie

- Rachel Anist... I mean Jennifer Aniston looked hot and her boobs looked real nice.
- I didn't see the twists coming. I never do tho. Almost never. I think I'm dumb that way.
- The guy who played the over the top creepy french guy did a nice job being all over the top creepy and french.

Three Bad Things About this Movie

- It tasted like they threw a bunch of plotlines and actors in a bag and shook it up then half-baked with cheese it for a couple hours.
- Cleve Owen acted like such a dumb pussy 80% of the time that it got annoying. Sorry ladies.
- There wasn't one impressive or memorable shot or scene in the whole movie.

All in all this really isn't a terrible movie. I was entertained and unbored while watching it -even tho it was flagrantly ungood. It's a default video rental at best. When you see the box on the shelf in Blockbuster you might vaguely remember hearing that it's 'not that bad.' And I guess that's true dat. But if you're alphabetically blockbuster browsing A-Z, pick this up at D (D for Derailed incase you forgot the title already) and walk with it. Guaranteed by the time you get to J you'll easily find something that's better... and reshelve this major league W.

. <<<CHYATT