Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay

So the other night I wandered out of my place to catch a 10:30PM showing of this flick. I don't know why. I guess I sorta liked the original Harold and Kumar but I barely remember it. It was a frenzied blur of good and bad. Now there was another. With both of these movies it's like they move so fast with wacked scattershot jokes they don't give your brain a moment to catch its breath and red alert you to the fact that what you may be watching probably sucks.

My face is round again so I snuck in only a water and I bought a small popcorn. No chocolate. No twizz. :-( And found a seat in a 75% empty theater. After watching a few previews that were long forgotten before they even ended-- this flick starts up and I bubbled up with hopes that it could be a secretly brilliant flick that flies over the heads of all the snooty critics. That this movie might work on such a high level of political satire that it could transcend into something awesome. But within two minutes Kumar was on the toilet blasting away and a couple minutes after that he was wacking it to a magazine called 'Vagina'. (Complete with visual completion in his own face). Ha ha? I let my hopes and dreams for a 'smart' movie fly away like a tit shaped balloon.

What do you want me to say? Did I laugh? Yeah probably out loud a dozen times. (alot. especially when I'm by myself.) Did I like the bottomless (not topless) pool party with the hot chicks? Of course. (One bottomless chick took off her top showing her boobs and the host yelled at her, 'Put your top back on! What kind of party do you think this is?!') Was Doogie Howser again friggin funny? Yes, but less than last time. Did I respect the fact that it moves so fast that Harold and Kuntar had already been sent to and escaped from Guantanamo Bay within like the first twenty minutes? Sure. It's the least they can do.

The problem with this flick though is it really is just a big piece of garbage lugged out of some studio dumpster and placed on the front lawn like a piece of pop art. At first look, it comes across as interesting and different-- but stare at it for a minute or so and you can see it's really just a big piece of trash sitting pretty on the lawn pretending it's worth more than it is.

I'm not being snobbish on garbage either. Hey, I take crap off the street all the time and bring it into my house and love it forever! I bought my friggin coffee table off a homeless man for $10! But this movie dumpster dives constantly and never takes a break to show us that it's anything more than just desperately hungry. I hoped that it was scrounging around in there to come up with something way coolio. Like a intact mirror. Or a classic toy from the 70's that still works. Or secret plans to some project x. But time after time it just brought out stuff I didn't want. And sometimes it ate stuff that was long rotten just to get a shock rise out of me. And sadly, the times it got lucky and snagged something that had some real value (maybe)-- it seemed to not even realize what it had in its hands.

Three Good Things About this Movie

- There are quiet side remarks and off screen off the cuffs that are really funny.
- Never seen that many bottomless chicks on a movie screen ever!
- It respectably demented fun. And alot of jokes forehead smack.

Three Bad Things About this Movie

- Although it moved along superfast it still felt slow.
- Honestly, I don't particularly like either one of those guys.
- It had a big goofy oversized bat and could have taken a huge swing. Instead it just felt it was satisfied to stand there and get to base on balls.

All in all, I guess if you smoke alot of weed this movie will play extra good. Because there's enough weird stuff and boobs and stuff to keep any stoner decently happy. But somehow I get the feeling that most of the stoned dudes who venture out for this will be dead asleep mouth wide open drooling in their blue slurpees within the first hour. As for the rest of us, we don't have the option-- because the spectacle of Harold and Kumar will always be enough to keep us wide awake... and giggling away with disappointment.