Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

So last night I was hanging out watching Saturday Night Fever on ABC and I took that as a sign that I should maybe go out and do something. I decided on Lord of the Rings 2 even though I wasn't all that excited to see it. I headed out around 10:45PM to catch the 11:15 show. Knowing it was a long movie I got some supplies together. At the deli on the way I picked up two 16oz Budweiser cans. 1 12oz bottle of Poland Spring. 1 package of wasabi peas. 1 Snicker bar with Almonds (new. sucks. not enough almonds.) And a pack of Alpine Ice Extra gum. I stocked everything in my long coat and felt like I was going on a journey of my own.

I had to switch my seat before the movie started because the couple behind me were talkers. I knew it because the guy was trying all the Screen Scramblers out loud. With LEKY LANLACHCM (Kyle McLachlan)... he was all Kely... um... KELY!... um...kely... um... And then when a 'Movie Fact' came up that said 'The movie Almost Famous had a music budget of 3.5M which was 2M more than average.' The question he asked his girl was.. 'Why was it so much?... All that music was prerecorded, right?' Not a good sign. I headed toward the front and settled in. The lights went down and I got the genius idea to pour my wasabi peas into the breast pocket of my flannel shirt. Like a little dish. I felt really smart about that. The previews started and I coughed to wash out the crackbeer noise.

Real quick history about me and LOTR. I haven't read any of the books. It's still surprising to me because I've read a good amount of sci-fi and even got into some fantasy stuff for a while. But somehow The Hobbit never grabbed me. I'd get 20 pages in and put it down. I've been doing that since 7th grade and now I know I'll never read the books which is a little sad I guess. Too much visually permaplanted in my head now. Oh well. I saw the first LOTR and I thought it was a bigtime snoozefest. Granted it had some high impact scenes but I didn't know what the hell was going on for the most part and found myself bored and actively aware of my disadvantage of not being familar with the books. I meant to see it again on video before going to see this one but eh... screw it.

This movie starts up and I right away sort of picked up where I left off with LOTR 1. This state of semi confusion. Not really caring about anyone nor their dopey quest. Kind of knowing who is who and what is what but whatevery. I started to settle in believing this just isn't the series for me. Then Gollum appeared. He was frickin stunning. And with real depth to his character. Great voice and 'acting'. He wasn't like a dopey digital Jar Jar that looks stupid and sounds stupid and is stupidly stupid. When characters looked at Gollum they looked into his eyes- not like the side of his head like most digital characters. His flesh was looked good. I liked looking at him. I liked listening to him. Funny guy. He was a star. And for the first hour I was so happy he was around because it helped things along for me. I still remained in a general state of not really knowing who was who and semi-bored- but he was a nice companion for that state of mind.

I was distracted from my lack of interest and boredom by how good this movie looked. It was huge. Super sized. Giagundo. Enormogoo-goo. Huge creatures. Armies of thousands. Castles that looked pretty frickin lifesize to me. I was staring at this movie. I wasn't attached but pleased and amazed that Peter Jackson could control something of this size. If I was the director, the giant elephants would be falling in rivers or knocking over a castle by accident and I'd be like 'Cut! Cut! Damn it! Again?! Cut!!'

The third hour was one of the best things I've ever seen on the screen. The battle. My mouth hung open for most of it. And then I'd laugh at it's bigness. Then I'd get a jolt. Then my mouth would hang open again. I found myself actually caring about what was happening in this movie. I couldn't believe how 'tight' it was. Seamless effects while keeping a real dark grittiness and real war strategies on both sides. All of a sudden I was sucked into this movie big time on alot of levels. Too bad it took an army of thousands just to yank some emotions and interest out of me.

Three Good Things About This Movie

- Gollum was so friggin good and there was plenty of him in it.
- The final scene keeps coming and coming and leads right into III in a good way.
- I liked that there was alot of archery. I used to do alot of archery. I was like, if I was in that world I'd be an archer shooting things in the neck and stuff.

Three Bad Things About This Movie

- Lacking in chicks big time to the point where it made you wonder...
- Sometimes the heroes seemed immortal. They'd be in a situation and you'd be like... right? They're not getting stabbed once!? Please...
- Sometimes you wondered about the magicians and their powers. It's like they only used them once in a while like parlour tricks. You think like, 'Hey good wizard dude, how bout taking care of some of the orcs with a lighting spell or something... let's get on the stick. Or hey evil wizard guy, how bout showing up here on the battlefield instead of just screwing around tugging it in the tower or whatever. I mean... it's a battle for the world... don't mean to bother you...but...'

Anyway, I liked this LOTR more than the first. But only because it was more full of the stuff that I liked in the first one. Giant creatures stomping people. Big fights. Closeups of howling mouths with crooked teeth. Explosion with bodies flying in with the rubble. Lushness. Yeah I had some issues with this movie. Yeah it was long. Yeah I didn't care about the ring or who dies or what and what's next. But by the end of this movie I could whatever alot all that stuff. Big is big. Great is great. Good is good.... evil is evil... and Gollum is.... Gollum.