So I just friggin walked out of Silent Hill at the half-way point. I was probably about an hour into it when it hit the wall and I just packed up my stuff and just wandered out of the theater and kept going. I sensed others in the theater were jealous of that move. It's been a while since I've flat out walked out on something. But it was obvious that the only thing this movie does really well... is sucks. And most of the time it sucks the friggin life right out of the whole room. It's sadly bad. The scary scenes are only scary in theory. Maybe once I got some mild jolt but that might of just been me almost falling asleep and catching myself. The acting is bad across the board and the dialogue is worse. 'You almost got us killed!' 'I think this place is haunted!' Get off me! Don't touch me!' 'Where did you go?' 'Stop! Wait!' Yawn...
This movie isn't 100% awful. It seemed like some thought went into the sets and the creatures. A few of the scenes looked cool-ish. One money shot scene had a whole room sort of melt away. But that was really it. From the starting point up until the point I walked out of this flick 80% of it (literally) was the mom chasing after the girl who's running around a corner. Or running up some steps to be chased. Or running into the other room. Always just out of reach. Out of the corner of her eye. Always getting away. Which leaves the mom alone in some room where shit goes down. And right when it gets to the breaking point and the mom is in trouble and she's gonna get killed or something. Poof! It all disappears! She gets saved! It was a dream! Or something chases the monster away! Yay! Or more like... Whatever! Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
Yadda, some of the monsters looked vaguely original but for the most part you can't even get a good enough look at them to decide if they're cool or not. The sets looked decently expensive but that was just depressing too. So much money. For this? All this movie had to do was avoid being terrible and it would have been acceptable. But it was downright adamant about being terrible. Like it put its terrible warty foot down into a terrible pile of dog doo and announced, 'Me terrible!' Like it was some sort of achievement. Any time there was a glimmer of 'maybe they can turn this around...' It was met full force with a fresh wave of terriblicity.
Maybe it's unfair for me to review a movie I walked out of but I'm willing to bet it was going downhill and it wasn't stopping for anything. As for the "mystery" part of the movie, I've had bigger mysteries in my apartment just by accidentally dropping a pen and having it mysteriously disappear. The acting was beyond bad. Most of the lines were read as if it was the first rehearsal. The characters were all stupid and worthless. All of them were illogical and stupid. There were zero laughs. This movie is like an egg fart. All of a sudden it's everywhere. You don't know who made. You don't know what caused it. You just know it stinks. And you want to get the hell away from it asap.
Three Good Things About this Movie
- Some of the special effects weren't half-bad.
- The overall look was kind of cool. Like a Tool video with burning coals.
- It was bad enough to allow me to walk out on it and not force me to suffer through the rest.
Three Bad Things About this Movie
- For me it made seeing bad movies in the theater jump the shark.
- It took itself super serious thinking like that helped or something.
- Any time they tried to inject some semblance of plot it made everything even worse.
All in all I gotta say, this might be the last time that I go see a bad movie just to get out of the house to see something bad. The glimmer of faith in 'maybe it won't be so terrible'... might have been snuffed by Silent Hill. I mean... Is it me or have bad movies simply gotten much worse? As a kid I remember seeing some friggin awful movies. But they didn't seem this bad. They just seemed misguided and dumb. But movies like this seem to put genuine effort into being flagrantly bad. And it's just not fun anymore. Bad crud like this just feels like an ongoing scam... and it am makes me feel more stoopider that I done falls for it agan and agan.
PS. If someone sat through this whole thing please write in and let me know what happened in the second half. I just want to make sure I made the right choice by leaving..