Starsky and Hutch

Yawn. Starsky and Hutch was really close to being a good movie but it was also far away from being a good movie. It had everything that a dumbass good movie needs. Spoofness. 70'sness. Cops. Snoop. Benowenfer. The Vaughn. Funny moustaches. A stupid plot. It's all there! But it wasn't all there. And halfway through the movie I wasn't all there. I had one foot out the door and was eventually just counting down till the other could join it.

This flick's intro winded me up with the really fun 70's wooka wooka music and Ben running goofily hard and being serious. Owen doing his whatevery cool Owenicity. Snapped me right into the mood. But within 15 minutes this movie proved itself to be garbage. It's not like bad stinky garbage. It's more like someone is moving out of a house after 35 years type of garbage. All this stuff left on the curb isn't necessarily garbage garbage but technically it's frickin garbage. So I sifted through figuring somethings gotta be worth something in there. When people throw out tons of stuff at once they're bound to toss something that's of real value. Right? OOH! Look! The Six Million Dollar Man board game! I remember that! Cool! But it's missing pieces. And it's a little moldy. Forget it. Oh wow! Check out this funky gross shirt with the big collar! Maybe I could... I should... maybe for a... could I? Nah. It's just an ugly shirt. Screw it. Ok now this I want! That dog leash harness thing that makes it look like I'm walking an invisible dog! Funny! That's always good for a laugh and and... nah screw that too. Stupid. Tossed. Uch! All this crap is garbage!

I can't say that I walked away empty handed from this trash heap. I did pick up a few knicknack pattywacks here and there. But nothing of any real value. Probably not even worth $9.50. I admit I laughed at some stuff just to break up my inner mood- which was mainly half-disappointment. I expected this movie to be stupid great.  But scene after scene would come up short. Somehow I felt like I was being scammed or something. It's like if they opened up an nostalgia arcade loaded with 70's video games but you get there and they all cost $1.00 and they only take bills. Who wants to put $1.00 in for Pac-Man! 1 quarter baby! It like ruins the experience to be messing with dollars! And no I'm not really sure what that analogy really has to do with anything either!

Anyway, Benowenfer. I liked Zoolander alot and thought they were great together. I liked the whole Tennenbaum mix. But somehow this felt like a retread rerun of their goodness. True when Stiller throws a chair it's frickin ridiculous cause he's so not legit about it. And Owen's dumb lax confidence and weird nose is just good funny. So why didn't I laugh more? Maybe Snoop to the rescue? Nah. Just him pimping around all Snoop Fizzle Televizzle-y. He's been cooler. In this flick he's just a pimpsnitch for the Man who in one scene stays silent after getting slapped in the face and called 'Amos'. Granted it's jokey and of course later on he takes revenge- but it was somehow offcolorizzle by Snoop standarnizzle. Fo shizzle...

Thinking back on this movie I'm not sure why it didn't go over for me. It did show me some funny. It brought in the Ferrell for some cameo action. And at the end I laughed really hard at a stunt gone wrong. But I guess the problem was it seemed so conscious of being a movie. And maybe tried too hard. Or not hard enough. It lagged. I wanted a fast forward button. Or a DVD scene selection thing. Or a laser pointer. Or a mini M&M slingshot. Or a giant puppet on a big stick for silhouette fun. Maybe two of em and they can have silhouetted puppet sex on the screen for everyone and then an alligator puppet can come in from the side and bite off a leg then I can set the other one on fire and have it bounce around until I splash a cup of soda up at it.

Oh well. S&H... feh and whatever. But maybe I'm just being a dick about the whole thing. People seemed to really like it. I saw it in a sold out theater and people were laughing their friggin heads off. 9 out of 10 jokes seemed to go over to the point where I thought the laughter in the theater was friggin canned... sorta like a bad 70's tv show.

Three Good Things About this Movie

- I liked it when the car would race around and peel out and fly through the air in slowmo.
- I liked it when Carmen Electra and Amy Smart started making out.
- I liked it when Stiller would get mad and yell and I liked it alot when he said 'Do it. Do it.'

Three Bad Things About this Movie

- Juliette Lewis and Chris Penn had side parts that were below their talents. And Chris Penn looks like he's been overindulging big time.
- Something about the movie felt like it was made on the cheap and not to capture that 70's look. Just something was cheap about it.
- I wanted the car to get all messed up and have it look like shit by the end of the movie. Like Sheriff Gleason's ride in the Bandit movies. Who cares if it's clean the whole time.

All in all this is a total video rental. It's a forgettable movie even if you like it more than me. The movie's image is better than the movie by far. As a big Benowenfer fan it was enough to sell the movie to me. But both of them should be a bit more careful with their choices because they shouldn't be throwing around their goodness on garb like this. Especially Owen. After I Spy, Shanghai Knights, The Big Bounce and now this crudball- when he comes out with something that's good again- it might feel like the boy who cried funny one too many times.



PS. Also boycott all future remakes! Enough is Enough! So is Eight! No more remakes! (except Dawn of the Dead of course.... Psyched!)