FRIDAY'S NEIGHBADS !! #100!

You got a bad neighbor? Or bad tenant? Or a bad landlord?
Or bad dormroom neighbor? Or a bad roommate? Or are you the bad neighbor?

Write now right now!

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My neighbors are the bane of my existence.  I used to live in the country and had no experience with this whole neighbors/suburbia/vinyl village concept.  For a while I thought it was just me judging based on my previously simple existence.  These people, however, ARE the epitome of white trash.  Thanks to previously extreme low interest rates, they can now come out of their shanties and buy houses!  Their daily attire consists of cutoff jean shorts and wifebeater undershirts with mullets to top it all off.  They do not even have the courtesy to wear a robe!  Their nasty vehicles (picture the big windowless terrorist vans with rust ALL OVER) have taken over the streets and sidewalks.  There are so many people in and out of the house it's impossible to know after 2 years who actually lives there.  If you see an old rusted out, beat up car in the neighbhorhood, it's on its way to their house to die in the driveway or in front of a neighbors house.  The only nice cars that ever appear are Cadillacs, which show up for about 5-10 minutes and the driver stands on the porch with a duffel bag.  (I doubt they're going to gym--what would you think????) 

Their rabid pitbulls terrorize people and viciously attack other dogs (in this state, the dog must attack a human before it can be euthanised--apparently we have to wait until a kid dies before we can kill them).  Whenever I drive by and they are outside they just stare with that dumb white trash look on their face (everyone knows which expression i'm talking about here).  If I tell other people in the neighborhood where I live they gasp and ask if that's next to "the drug house."  And what is worse is that these people have procreated!!!  I previously thought they were simply wastes of good bone marrow and a perfect example of why we should legalize justified execution in the streets.  Now they are also shining examples of why this country needs a breeding license program.
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Earlier this year I stayed in Sydney Australia for 3 months.

It's a pretty expensive place, so when it came to looking for an apartment
to rent I was looking at around $150 a week for some of the sketchiest
places.

Anyway, I found this place where I got my own room, own kitchen, and a
shared bathroom. It basically was a huge house that had been reno'd a few
decades back to become a bunch of separate suites with shared bathrooms.

So the walls to your "neighbours" were actually just drywall and
insualition, literally in the next room over. This guy, my neighbour, was my
neighbour not a "roomate" because his front entrance to the house and shared
bathroom was not the same as my front entrance to my the house and shared
bathroom, even though it was actually the same house. Make sense? To get to
his room I'd technically have to go outside the house and through his front
entrance... Anyway...

This guy was obviously mentally disturbed. A few times a saw him, he looked
pretty "normal", in his late thirties, beer gut, a dark beard, 5 11.

It all started on a regular basis at anytime between 10 pm and 6 am, seemed
he slept during the day and was awake at night. He would start pacing back
and forth in his suite, I could actually feel his pacing in my room because
again, it's really the same old shitty house, just a room over.

So when the pacing started I knew what was coming.

Now this guy was Australian. He knew all the words like shit, fuck, asshole,
motherfucker, cuntlicker, shithead, etc. But he also knew other words like
wankah (wanker), usually in conjunction with bloody to make "bloody wankah",
buggah (bugger), with phrases like "bugger off", etc.

So after a few minutes of pacing, the guy would go off like a steam whistle.
Full volume, angry as hell.

His spouting usually came in a few varieties, first being the violent
destructive type such as "you fucking pervert, I'm going to cut your bloody
cock off" or "you fucking cocksucker, I'm going to rip your bloody mustache
off". He threatened pretty much the full anatomy of the human body.

Other varieties were commentaries on the social problems of the world like
"this cesspool of bloody wankas, diseased bloody filth, you sick fucks
fucking and shitting in your own fucking bloody mess..." and often
accompanied by a religious context of "Jesus is going to burn you
motherfuckers, you're going to fucking die when blood and fucking fire
destroy your shitty pathetic fucking lives"... etc.

Many many times the phrase "Shut up!" or "Shut the fuck up" or "Fuck off",
etc. were yelled with such volume I'm surprised the guy didn't have vocal
chord problems.

So anyway, these rants went on and one for probably 20 minutes up to an hour
at a time.

The most annoying thing is at times he wouldn't start the pacing first. It
would just be dead quiet at maybe 10 pm and all of a sudden you would hear
at full volume "Shut uuuuuuuuup!" from him. And again, because of the design
of the house, eventhough this guy was technically my neighbour, he was just
in the next room.

One night I got so fed up I screamed back "People are trying to sleep, TAKE
your medication". This prompted him to go off about "I'm going to fucking
kill you, you're going to fucking die!". I'm not sure if he was talking to
me or the voices in his head, or if he thought I was just a voice in his
head. Anyway, antagonizing mentally ill people is heartless thing to do, I
was just telling him to go to sleep and take his medication.

Probably the worst part is just having my head filled with all these vile,
angry, images day after day, it was disturbing.

You have to appreciate that often what he said was a combination of so angry
and so ridiculous (i.e. "rip your bloody mustache off!"), the fact that he
fit so many obscenities into a single sentence, and the fact that everything
he said (curses or not) was in this realy thick Ozzy accent that it made it
a bit more bearable... even hilarious at times. Not that mental illness is
funny, just the ridiculousness of the situation, trying to sleep at night,
hearing him go off.

I eventually moved back to Canada, and that was it.

That's my story...
 

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Hey Todd,
       I just happened to be reading the neighbad stories when I heard some noise coming from the apartment above me.  We just got some new neigbors up there cause the single totally quite guy just moved out.  Anyway the noise is just a little constant sqweeking noise.  Then I realized it, our new upstairs neighbors are having sex right above me GROSS!!
         -Emily In Cali

 


Got a terrible neighbor? A terribler neighbor? Do you suck as a neighbor? Think about it... write now!
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