'DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV' 

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NOVEMBER 2005

11/30

Tonite on Entertainment Tonite they told me that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were registered at Neiman Marcus. So I raced on the site to see what was up and clicked on Registry and typed in Tom Cruise and there they were! Just like regular human people! (There's another Tom Cruise registered there too. Must suck to also have the name Tom Cruise maybe.)  Anyway, I clicked on the link and it got all hung up and then the site crashed. I guess other people had the same idea. I'll keep trying and at least try and snag a screenshot. If someone out there gets thru and gets a screenshot of the full registry, first person to send in the screenshot gets a free coffay mug!

(OK WE HAVE THE LIST! Thanks to everyone who sent in a screenshot/link page. The one who sent it in first will be contacted by me asap.)

Here's a working link to the list... CONGRATS TO JOSH! for being the first to send me this screenshot of the full registry!

11/29

So tonite TV told me that Canada and Denmark are about to get in a big fight over some frozen slab o' land up near the North Pole. It's called Hans Island and I guess it's somewhere midway between the two countries-- and both smell oil there. Both countries have jammed flags into the ice to claim it. And both sent war ships to be all macho about it. I guess if they can't sort something out soon, like calling the place Canamark or Denada, there's gonna be an all out snowball war up there. And I think they might fight dirty by using iceballs and everything.

Only oil could cause a fight aboot a place like this.

11/28

Today I seen that some cocky wangs are busy dunking themselves in the water to 'swim with sharks'. They get in one of those shark tanks and then dopey boat guys dumb chunks of fish around them so the sharks come by and go nuts in front of them. Blood thirsty sharks? Dopey tourists? Rummies with old shark tanks? What can go wrong?

Here goes a sharky chomp chomp game for ya...

11/27

Hi! I've been lax here over the holiday weekend but will pick up the ball first thing Monday morning. I'll try to pull a fact off one of the dopey morning shows in the morning before I head to dog park. Sorry for the scattershot factazoids last couple dayos.

Mr. Winkle wouldn't last 5 minutes in a Brooklyn dog park...

11/25

So today I got some new info about a UFO situation. Back in 1948 the Russians spotted a cigar shaped cylinder UFO flying around. They scrambled the migs to go attack it. They fired on it and shot missiles. The UFO shot back with some sort of particle beam which blinded a pilot during the dog fight. But he was able to damage the craft enough to send it crashing down to earth. And the Russians picked up the pieces and brought it underground...

... and Stalin probably popoved a boner of it apparently. He probably would have totally bought this too if they had eBay back then...

11/22

Today told me that if you live in Rattenberg, Austria there's no sunlight between like November and January every year. It's like down in a valley and the sun can't see it in winter or something. It's the way it's been in Rattenberg since the beginning of Rattenberg.... until now. The Rattititititergers (that's what they call Rattenbergerers in Rattenberg) set up a bunch of rotating mirrors to reflect the light down to their town so now the Ratteninners are not all mopey gloomy and stuff. Which makes the Rattenelfians very happy and smiley. Now the only thing the Rattenidals have to fix is figuring out what they should be calling themselves...

Rattenberg – eine mittelalterliche Stadt, die mit künstlerischem Ausdruck der stillsten Zeit im Jahr RAUM gibt.
 

11/21

So today I seen that they're trying to keep the city of Venice from like totally going underwater and becoming the coolest place ever for scuba divers. Apparently the place has been sinking for years and Venetian peeps are like flipping out. So nerdio engineers are maybe gonna do this thing where they pump seawater into the sand under the city which will make the whole city lift up off the ground and elevate it back to where it was before it starting going into the muck. It'll like expand the sand or something hopefully. Or not... unhopefully.

Here's a webcam if you wanna look at Venice today.

11/20

Sorry no daily tv factoid yesterday. I was out at the Rangers game (rangers won) and when I got back I was sorta beer drunkerd and wacky. But I haven't been to Madison Square Garden in a while and I saw two things I didn't like.

1st. Ticket ripping seems to be a dying activity. It's all about the scan now. Some day tickets everywhere will no longer be ripped it seems. That seemed sad.

2nd. The concession stands in MSG are all franchised out now. There's no longer that one stand with the hot dogs and the pretzels and the cracker jacks. It's all about, 'Ranch 1' or 'New York Deli' or 'Bubba's Pizza' or 'Sushiland' or whatever. I just want a hotdog and a beer! Leave me alone with the overkill! And rip my ticket!

Friggin rich people and their dumb stuff....

11/19

Today I seen that the Canadians are getting very protective of their mooses. People keep shooting em and now they're endangered. So the Woods Mounties have set up fake decor moosies all over the place and when hunters shoot at em they're Woods Mounties near by that swoop in and arrest em up and fine up like 5000 dollars.... or canadian pound lire or euro duckies or whatever the currency is called up yonder.

Want some land up Moose Point way?

11/18

I learnt about a new super suit for the elderly today. It's called 'HAL' (i forgot what it stands for). Basically it's like a supersuit that old people can throw on so they can go around and walk faster and lift heavy stuff kegs of beer or whatever. The HAL II is being worked on now and the spokesperson for the company said, 'It will allow the elderly to finally be able to do everything they want-- from opening tight jars to hucking small cars through storefront windows.' Coolio!

I am Evangalion! <<< I didn't realize this linked to that. It linked to something else before. Some robot poll or something. Sorry bout that.

11/17

Tonite I seen they came out with the list of toys you shouldn't buy because they might mess up our kill up kids. One toy on the list I actually think I saw on the street recently. They were Fantastic 4 Thing Hands. Like big giant gloves to make the kid's hands look like Thing hands and when the kids punch stuff it makes a smashy noise. Unfortunately apparently kids are running around punching their cats in the face or punching brick walls and messing their hands or their cats up (catsup?). Sucks because the thing hands seemed kind of awesome.

Here's the full listing of toys not to buy.

11/16

Hey! TV showed me that they're messing with fruit to make it all extra appealing for kids. They're carbonating it! Somehow they're gonna make like grapes and strawberries all bubbily. Locking bubbles in there or something. So when you bit into a grape it'll pop and fizzle be like pop rocks except with more fizzy and less explodey. And kids will think fruit is cool again or whatever. Actually sounds kind of cool and I wanna try the new fizzy fruit... before it gets recalled for some good reason or whyever.

Maybe not tho. Here's more info on Fizzy Fruit!

11/15

Tonite I learnt TV has gotten even more dumber. Entertainment Tonight followed the stupid tv trend of people dressing up in fat suits to prove dopey points. Some super annoying correspondent chick got all done up extra heavy and walked around the streets to show how she was discriminated against. She reported how (get this!) she asked someone stranger for directions and he ignored her! And she got shoved on the subway! Plus! She got totally ignored when she walked into some fancy schmancy store! It's like... umm... not sure if it's the suit. It's called normal everyday crap, dunce! Uch enough with the fat suit crap!

Look at this horrible trailer with Mr. Morissette! F!

11/14

Yah I missed a daily fact totally yesterday. I really did try. I watched a whole show about Vietnam and one about UFOs but it was just typical stuff. Marching through the jungle in a big mess or Area 51 stuff that was lame. Good fact coming later fosho!

Here's a ufo sighting over Vietnam...

11/13

Tonite I learnt a new term on the TV. 'Specist'. Speciesism is like racism but with animals. A specist is someone who believes that all animals don't have the same rights as human beings. Like the chicken in the slaughterhouse should have the same respect and rights as the dude over there hanging out or whatever. I sort of see the point in all that from an idealist standpoint. Then I put Roscoe on a leash and took him for a walk so he can poop on the ground in front of everyone.

Where's the worst violator of animal rights? San Francisco? Weird...

11/12

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I totally spaced. And I'm not really making up for it today with this fact neither cause it's sort of whatevery but whatever.

I seen that lawmakers are busy working to pass a law to make it illegal to take 'upskirt' or 'downblouse' photographs. Basically pervy dudes are going around with camera phones snapping pictures of girl's undahpants. Or down blouses. Chicks stepping out of cabs. Etc...And right now it's not really illegal to do that. So they've been working on illegalizing it.

Congressman Doug Neidermeyer protested the bill and stated, 'C'mon! We take upskirt photos in Congress to pass the time all the time! I don't want that activity taken away! I got an awesome one of Katherine Harris! Awesome!' Then he later retracted the statement and claimed he was not responsible for what he said because he was, '....on bad ludes...' Then he retracted the 'ludes' comment by stating he has an 'evil twin'. Then he ran away.

I dunno... ummm.... how bout here?

11/10

Tonite I found out that virus jerks made a virus that works its way through Sony BMG's copy protection software on CD's and stuff. So if you've run Sony CD it's been dickishly installing secret stuff on your computer to keep you from copying the cd. But that secret software leaves a hole for viruses or whatever. Sony's in big trouble because it didn't tell people that it was installing this crap on their machine. Plus double trouble cause now machines are all screwed up because of the virus. Sony released an official statement regarding the problem. It said, 'Doh!'

Here's the history of computer viruses for you nerdlings.

11/9

Today during lunch (tuna, triscuits, pickled tomatoes, potato chips) I watched some Food Network. And this southern woman named Laura, who seemed real nice and sweet all twangy twanged, told me a bunch of recipes that I can make to watch a Derby race. Laura told me that if I've never been to a derby race (I have. Preakness years ago. I saw some dude get punched in the face straight out. And some drunk girl with her boob out of her bikini top. Good times!) or can't go to the derby this year-- that I should have a derby party at home. She said I should make ham butter and stuff the ham butter in biscuits. Laura told me it would make my party complete and it would make my guests very happy.

Here's Laura's recipe for the ham biscuit thing. Here's some guy's pics from the Preakness infield! The place to be when horses to see!

11/8

Tonite I found out that some town in California is looking to become the biggest solar powered community. They want to build like a whole housing complex situation that runs on solar power. Sounded like a coolio thing.... until it turns out that it seems to be some kind of sneaky 'We're Envirofriendly!' way to develop on lands that real envirofriendly people want to protect. So it's battle to the death (of the project) enviro-a-enviro.  Here's a solar house.

I remember when those solar powered calculators came out and I bugged out on something being powered by light. I was like, 'Holy moly! How's it do that?' Then I realized that I had no ideas how batteries work either. Then I got a 58% on my science test.  Here! Take this one! 32/40!

11/7

So TV told me tonight that parents are getting all hi-tech crazy to cyberpeep on their kids driving habits. They're like hooking up stuff in their cars now to track how fast they're going. So like you can log on to your computer and see if your kid is driving like 110 miles an hour somewhere. And then when they get home you can be like, 'Dude! Why were you driving 110!' And he goes, 'Umm.. because it was a straight away... and umm... it was like...a double dog dare?'
 

Speed Demon
What's the fastest you've drive your car?

55-65 MPH
65-75 MPH
75-85 MPH
85-95 MPH
95-105 MPH
105-115 MPH
115-125 MPH
125-135 MPH
135-145 MPH
155+

Here's that car tracker thing if you wanna see...

11/6

Tonite the Discovery Channel showed me a really weird ship called 'Flip'. Not sure what it's really for but basically it's a ship that sticks its nose down into the water and it half sinks. The front end being underwater and pointing down makes the back end stick up out of the water and straight up. All the stuff inside the boat adjusts to the 'flip'. A door in the floor becomes a working door. The whole thing adjusts and...  Jeez, I'm really describing this totally awfulish. It's gotta be all logicistesticle descriptified and I'm not good at that really.

Here's the friggin link. It is kinda cool to look at.

11/5

So tonite I learnt that there's pirates still lurking around in the seas. Looking to board ships and steal stuff and all that. Down around the coast of Somalia so pirates tried to like board a Carnival cruise ship. They pulled up near it and started shooting at it. But Captain Stubbing gunned the engines while Gopher stood on the bow and gave them the finger. There were two things really sort of surprised me about this story. 1. There's still serious pirates out there (i'm sure no where near as cool as old school pirates) and 2. Carnival Cruises goes to Somalia?

Here's something weirdish.

11/4

So tonight I heard that China has decided they want to send a few chinese guys up to the moon to walk and see how much Helium-3 is up there. Helium-3 might be some sorta fuel that can last for a gazillion years. NASA has said it plans to send some brawny US guys up to the moon on the same day to 'beat up' the chinese guys because the moon is 'our turf'. The astro-fight will be broadcast on pay-per-view to renew interest in the space program...

Man, I gotta get in on this art scam thing...

11/3

I realize the last couple days have been long stupid facts so I'll keep this one short and sweet.

The male arctic octopus has the largest sexual organ (in proportion to the size of its body) than any other octopus. It hangs the meanest octo-guff. The end.

I guess there's some sort of analogy metaphorial type joke type to this here other Octopus. <powerpoint presentation.

11/2

Today I watched three shows looking for facts but instead I found three facts about each show.

1. On The Daily Show I noticed that Jon Stewart has a weird thing about wanting the guest to sit down before him. Like when the guest comes out and they wave at the audience he'll gesture over and over for them to sit in the chair. It's seems like something compulsive. Look for it.

2. Ripley's Believe it or Not always has something involving a naked chick that they keep for the end of the show. It can be all spiders and weird stuff in India or whatever. But they'll always come around with the 'stay tuned for the naked chick thing'.

3. And on a show called Dirty Jobs (I like that show) it was weird. He was at a dog groomers and the pixelated the dog's balls. Isn't pixelating a dog's balls offensive to the audience in some way? Why the need to pixelate a friggin dog's balls?

Hey! If sex stuff works for Ripley's maybe I should do more believe it or not sex things here.<< mature clickers only please. serious.

11/1

Tonite TV told me that scientists discovered that Pluto may in fact have three moons. Up until recent they assumed there was only one moon going around Pluto. But there's three. So the scientists held a press conference to announce it.

Here's a transcript from the press conference right before the question answer session:

Head Scientist: .... and that's why we're proud to announce that Pluto does in fact have three, count em (scientist points with a pointer at some blurry space photo), one... two... three! Three moons! Any questions...

Reporter #1: I have one!.... So?

Head Scientist: So...

Reporter #1: So umm who cares?

Head Scientist: I'll have you know a lot of people care!

Reporter #2: Name one.

Head Scientist: Ummm... Brian over there cares! Brian was part of the research team. You care, right Brian?

Brian: I sort of care... I mean you can say... that I definitely don't... not care.

Head Scientist: Thanks Brian.

Reporter #3: Question! So how does this affect anything? Is there like lots of oil on those extra moons?

Head Scientist: Oil?

Reporter #3: Texas tea!

Reporter #2: Black gold!

Reporter #1: Sinister liquid!

Reporter #3: Sinister liquid? Good one! I like that!

Reporter #1: Thanks I just made that up.

Reporter #2: Can I use that?

Reporter #3: Yeah if you credit me.

Reporter #2: Screw it. I can make up my own... check it out... middle eastern.... booyah boom....

Reporter #1: That sucked.

Reporter #2: You suck.

Head Scientist: Hey! Can we get back to Pluto?

Reporter #2: Back? We've never been to Pluto, dumb nerd!

Brian: Yeah it's true. We've never been there...

Head Scientist: I know that, Brian!

Brian: I know you know. I'm just saying....

Reporter #2: Question!

Head Scientist: Yes what!

Reporter #2: Did your mom comb your hair today for this big press conference?

Head Scientist: No! And I'm outta here, you guys are a-holes....

(Head Scientist gathers his papers and pointer and storms out tripping once on the steps.)

Reporter #1: Dork!

(Brian steps up to the podium)

Brian: Ummm... My uncle has been to Pluto. He says he goes on Tuesdays when he drinks his shine.

Reporter #2: That's cool. Can I print that?

Brian: Sure.

Reporter #3: Can we interview your uncle?

Brian: Sure! Any day but Tuesdays.

Reporter #3: Ok cool.

--------------------------------

Here's more info bout the Pluto moons.... if you care.

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