DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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NOVEMBER 2006

11/28

Tonite 5:00 news told me that there's new services out there where you can make FREE phone calls. Dude on the news said its a good service and I tried it out and it seems to work ok. No modem or hookup crap. That was that. No this isn't a paid ad or anything. Just figure around the holiday times something like this could come in handy. Plus it's sort of coolio. Yay technology! So now you can call that person you don't want to talk to and not pay for it and get all pissed when you see the bill later...

Seems ok to me (I know I didn't describe it good-- but you should check it out...)....

11/27

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. It's Roscoe's fault. He was being a jerk obsessed with eating my arch supports out of my sneakers (finally got those for my flat feet. awesomeness they are.) And I'd say, 'Rosoce! No eating daddy's arch supports!' And he'd walk away and I'd put the arch support back in my shoe. But sure enough two minutes later there's Roscoe with my arch support in his mouth and I'd say, 'Hey! No eating daddy's arch supports!!!' And he'd bark at me. And I'd bark back! So that happened. Probably the first crazy old man story I've ever told here...

If you're bored tho here's a game!

11/26

Today the local news dope told me that Nicole Richie made the top of PETA's Worst Dressed list. Apparently she's big into wearing fur and stuff like that so she's the worst dressed for them. I don't even know why someone in LA would need a fur ever but whatever. I wanted to see who else was on the list and saw that the PETA took out their kitty cat claws to describe their worst dressed...Rowl!

But whatever with them. Fur is rude to life. Here's the list.

11/25

So today some guy in a tie on TV told me that there's a new airline coming. It's called Smintair (terrible name) and it's an airline where people (stewardesses and pilots included) can smoke cigarettes non-stop if they want to. Not sure if you need to roll the windows down or not or what. I guess this is what happens when a super-rich guy who once got busted 'damaging or destroying' a bathroom smoke detector on a commercial flight... does to retaliate...

Smintair (again, terrible name. next time hire a marketing firm instead of going with the name your wife suggested.) say second hand smoke is a big scam...

11/24

Tonite the TV told me again about how polonium-210 killed that Russian KGB guy (i don't get it. why didn't they just shoot him in the back of the head or run him over or whatever? why go through the hassle with the goggles and gloves just so he can die like three days later? Nutty ruskies.) But anyway, I decided to google around and find out what's up with the polonium stuff? Like if it's on eBay or whatever.

The good news is I found out that you can't get polonium on eBay-- but I found out where it's secretly hidden. Funny how there's no mention of this on the news whatsoever. I wonder why. Click here... and shhh...

11/23

So this morning I stayed tuned in extra long to some stupid morning show because they were going to give me 'etiquette' tips on shopping but it turned out to be all dopey and stuff. But the one thing etiquette woman said that was interesting was there's never a reason for a woman to ask a man to hold her purse for her. So ladies, think twice about the purse hold move! Woman on TV said that it's poor etiquette! So don't shame your man by handing him your purse! And if you do and  they chuck it over the railing into the fountain-- remember... they're just trying to be polite!

Here's Victorian Etiquette on shopping....

11/22

So today on the news they talked again about how by the year 2050 there's going to be like no more fish in the sea. They sounded serious about it even though it sounds like farfetched. It's weird to think about the idea of no other fish in the sea. They'd have to like change that whole expression! Like if you're dating someone and it doesn't work out people won't be able to say, 'There's other fish in the sea...' They'd have to say something else like... 'There's other umm...  bees in the ...hive?' How's that going to make someone feel better?!

Here's some info and some audio stuff...

11/21

Tonight I flipped channels for a solid 90 minutes looking for a factazizoid but the only thing that was really kinda interesting and like timely or whatever was a warning to people who plan to deep-fry their turkey. Apparently people go deep frying turkeys all willy nilly every year and end up burning down their kitchen, house, or neighborhood. So two things the lady told me. 1. Don't fry near things that are flammable. (seemed pretty no brainery). And 2. If your turkey is frozen... don't just throw it in the fry-- because then it goes splodey and stuff. So be careful you turkey fryers you...

Nat demonstrates the danger!

11/20

Sorry I spaced on ze factoid of the day yesterday! I'm gonna go outside and run around the block naked as punishment... or maybe that punishes the innocent. Not sure yet. I'll letcha know...

I always get a kick out of this streaker scene....

11/19

Today the man on tv told me that manatees are in fact smarter than man. Some science nerd told me that under the right conditions manatees can use computers, do rubix cubes, live on land using breathing devices, and communicate with other manatees on subjects from science through philosophy. The guy on tv then told me that he fears manatees have been 'hoarding intelligence for years' and have been secretly working on detailed plans that are not yet understood by man but it involve some 'kind of manatee/man atomic hybrid' plan for global domination. Then the man on tv was then tackled by guards and dragged off camera screaming, 'Look at their eyes! You can see it in their eyes!' A spokesmanatee for the Manatees call the accusations, 'Quite ludicrous.' Then he winked and refused to comment further.

Ok maybe that's not all true but here's some more info on how smart dopey manatees are now.

11/18

Sorry no daily factagizoid yesterday. Not sure what happened but I'll blame Roscoe. He's good at taking blame for stuff because he doesn't know what blame is. Anyway, tonite tv told me about how James Bond gadgets and gizmos are making it into the workplace. Hidden cameras. Surveillance. Bug detectors. And all that crap is going all corporate so people can steal secrets. Like for example, someone might bug Carvel corporate to find out what's next for Cooky Puss. Or McDonalds people might be bugged so competitors can know what the real future plans are for the McRib.

These dudes were psyched about the McRib being back (and Bam Bam for life!)... and the McRib farewell tour is here.

11/16

Today TV told me that some nerdling has developed a way to charge batteries wirelessly. Like one day in like the year 39437 you'll be walking around with your cellphone attached to your robot head and body of a cloned deer and your battery signal will be at one bar. And you push a button and it will soak up some electromagneticness and charge it on up. You'll also be able to use the wireless energy to charge up your glomornebuliafluxinator laser skates... for a fee of .04 cents per zapazoidal.

Here's more info and a photo of a guy in a shirt.

11/145

I just got home after drinkng alot of beers and I guess I could type up some sort of drunken fact here but that I'd grab off the tv but I don't think anything I'd type here would be good ans stuff because I'm like been frinking beers alot and when I drunkedn alot of beers the stuff I type isn't good and that's probababbly a good thing because when I type stuff after driunking berrs it looks like this. So new factoid tomorow and i wont drink noi beers.

I dondn't drink any oft these top ten beers.

11/14

Tonite Letterman told me that some women are "allergic to sex". His joke about it was, 'Now I have to carry the viagra and the benedryl.' I tried to think of a joke but I couldn't think of anything good. Maybe that's why he has a TV show and I sit in my apartment typing away about how I don't have a joke about it. But I decided to research it. I found out some women who are allergic to sex might run to the bathroom throw up like right after. That's gotta do something for an ego. Glad there's a good reason.... and its treatable.

Here's some info from the Swedish Medical Center!

11/13

Today local news wang Ernie Anastos told me that there's a new way to protect your privacy. Disposable phone numbers. Like if you meet someone in a bar or whatever and you want to give them a number but not your personal number you can get these temporary crap phone numbers that work for a while or something. I'm not really sure how it works. But I set up a voicemail for Roscoe! Call it up and say hi! Or listen to his messages with the PIN or whatever!

Roscoe's Phone Number: (718) 475-6017
Wait for the beep to leave Roscoe a message. Or hit * during the message and enter the passcode: 8492

Go here if you want yer own.

11/12

Tonite I seen a thing about how lice has been mutating and now the traditional type chemical shampoos aren't killing em like they used to. So they've been working up new techniques to murder the lice on your head. There's a new thing called LouseBuster which blasts hot air all over your head at like 150MPH and it dries up the lice so they flake away or whatever. I had lice. Twice. And once I got the shampoo in my eye and it almost burned my eyeball out...

I love it when people change signs.

11/11

Ooh! It's 11/11 today! Imagine how cool it was on this day back in 1911 at 11:11 and 11 seconds! Makes my head spin to think about that moment in time! Apparently if you made a wish at that moment it would not only come true but you'd add a year to your life!. That's how cool 11:11:11 on 11/11/11 was. Good news though! 2011 isn't that far away! And we'll all get wishes on the ones!

Oh right. Daily fact. Right. Ok. Umm... Elephants are self-aware. Dogs apparently are not (poor roscoe! or maybe not... depending on your existential attitude...)

11/10

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday but the day before was a double day so it sort of cancels itself out and stuff. Ok?

Here's a comic strip called Ok/Cancel for your perusement...

11/9

Double Fact Day!

So the news is telling me that people are going mental over whether Merry Christmas should be said or not. (i'm still suspecting this controversy exists only on tv). Anyway, Wal-Mart has told employees that they can address customers in the best way they see fit. They can say Merry Christmas to a customer who looks very christmasy. Happy Hannukkah to someone who looks very umm... hannukkish? Oy. Or you can bust out a Happy Kwanzaa to someone who looks Kwanzaa-ey. Sounds like they're revving up for a real pc trainwreck over at Wal-Mart. Whatever.

A local TV news hooker told me that for a mere $400 you can buy a cellphone for your dog. (Why do the terrorists hate us again?) This is a cellphone you can strap onto your dogs neck and if you're at work or whatever you can call the cell number which automatically picks up and you can talk to... umm... i mean 'at' your dog. Jeez friggin louiseness!

Here's the link to the PetCell and here's Walmart sucks.

11/8

Tonite the tv told me that the brits are busy going ahead with stem cell research by creating some sort of human/cow embryo. Not sure why they're mushing together the human and cow thing but when questioned about it-- a spokesperson for the british science team said, 'Pip pip cheerio bangers and mash lemony snicket diana blood sausage beatles queen mum's arse...'

Wanna see what a cow looks like at one minute old?

11/7

Sorry no daily fact tonite. I'm gonna just sit and watch the election results and stuff so probably nothing interesting gonna come out of that. Plus someone screwed up the voting on the pumpkontest which put me in a bad mood. It's almost like real life voting in Ohio! Vote again if you already voted or vote for the first time if you ain't voted yet please...

Here's a thing where you can poke around what your Senator or Congressman/woman are up to.

11/6

So yesterday I seen this thing called a 'hug shirt'. In the same way you can send someone like a smiley face in IM, now if you know someone is wearing a hug shirt you can send em a signal that gives them a virtual hug. Sounds super stupid. I thought dopey expensive tech stuff nobody asked for... was like done. Guess not. No word yet on the virtual boobs squeeze and virtual butt slap and virtual nut punch...

Here go the hug shirt...

11/5

Tonite I found out we can all pitch in to watch our borders. The Texas Border Patrol has started streaming video of a bunch of cameras on our border so we can sit at home and eat nachos and watch people cross over or whatever. Chip in (so to speak) for homeland security. Great.  Anyway, I guess once the word gets out about these cameras I guess it's just a matter of time before some frat guys go down there and moon the cameras with UT RULEZ written across their butts...

Here's the link if you wanna watch some vids. Feel free to use my login u: [email protected] pw: xoxx8miT

11/4

Sorry no daily factoid on this day. It wasn't my fault tho. There is an extremely long explanation as to why there is no daily fact here but unfortunately there's an extremely long explanation as to why I can't explain the extremely long explanation and the only way I could explain the extremely long explanation about why there's no explanation would actually reveal the first extremely long explanation which would defeat the purpose of the second extremely long explanation.

Wanna kill some time? Guess the logo...

11/3

Today I found out that MIT nerds are looking for a new way to fund launching a satellite into orbit. They're offering the whole outside of the thing for one big advertising sale. In the same way that dude sold pixels on his million dollar webpage (that was my idea first by the way)- these guys are offering space on their satellite for companies to buy ads. This way they feel that they'll have a monopoly on all advertising directed at umm... consumers who happen to be floating around in orbit of the planet?

If you're interested in... here's the place to by the space...

11/2

Tonite the newsman told me that the elections on Tuesday are gonna be a big mess because they sort of never worked out the electronic voting situation. Apparently all a hacker needs to do is drop in a simple virus or swap out a hard drive and you can make the vote whatever you want. Done and done! I guess we can hope that both sides have gotten equally good at cheating and it cancels itself out...

Here's a scary video made by some Princeton nerds showing how the hacking goes down. It would be a cooler video if they had a funnier voiceover. Like Sylvester the Cat or Crackhead Bob...

11/1

Today I learnt on the news that the government is gonna start cracking down on the claims made by energy drinks  I guess the thing is alot of these energy drinks make claims that are not approved by the FDA... they're only approved only by the King Goomgoom Geezer from the World of Makebelieve La La Lee La Dee Da where inositol and milk thistle turn people into geniuses smart enough to smash their heads through sheet rock.

Here's a message from the brainiacs at Cocaine.

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