NOVEMBER 2003

11/30

Tonite I learned about this german artist dude named Gunther von Hagens. He's this dude who like takes dead people and turns them into plastic or something and makes works of art out of them. Uch. I mean art is art. And gross is gross. But if it's too gross... can it be art? And if it's too art... can it be gross?

Here's some grossout-art (I guess that's a decent compromise) by Professor von Hagens.

11/29

Carol Alt told me tonite that there was no point in ever cooking vegetables and that a 'raw' diet is healthier. Carol said that cooking vegetables is no good because it'll just cook the enzymes and nutrients out of the vegetables. But then this doctor nerd came on and said that Carol wasn't right. He said that cooking certain vegetables actually makes em healthier to eat. That eating raw stuff all the time ain't right. So who am I supposed to believe?! Carol Alt or Dr. Nerd? What to do?! They can't both be right! Can they? Arrgh!! Teevee! Must thou contradict thy self so?!

Anyway, here's a link to a wacky raw food diet for pets called BARF (bones and raw food)

11/28

Today I saw this thing on tv called the Bionic Exersuit. It's like a suit made up of big rubberbands so like every step you take has resistance. Just standing up straight takes resistance. Move your arm? Resistance. So the idea is you dork out and wear the suit around town exercising as you do errands or whatever I guess. At least it makes more sense than that silver suit for weightloss back in the 80's where they were like, Hey you! Sit around and eat cookies all day!- as long as you got this silver suit on you'll lose weight by the bushel! 

Here's a page with the Bionic Exersuit listed along with a bunch of other dopeyass patents.

11/26 

I learnt from a morning show today (yes, morning!) that there was some controversy back in the day as to what day should be Thanksgiving day.  It used to be up to the President to decide when it was Thanksgiving. They almost always said last Thursday of the month -but FDR got kooky one year for whatever reason and made it a week early. Some States got mad at the change and refused to switch dates. Everything got hectic with some states celebrating on different Thursdays. Eventually FDR said, "Oy! Screw this friggin headache!" and locked in the date officially- then told everyone to shut up and eat.. 

Here goes the dilly on Candian Thanksgiving on Annie's Canadian Thanksgiving Page.

11/25

Tonite the TV told me about the island of Tuvalu. It's a supersmall island country and it wasn't doing all that hot for a while. The island was sinking. They didn't get alot of tourism, they had poor infrastructure and although it was small and beautiful- it was sort of twisting in the wind. Luckily years ago somehow they got the internet domain .tv. Y'know like .com but they got .tv (tuvalu). And leasing that domain extension brought in millions to help the Tuvaluvaluvians. 

Now the tiny island of Niue is looking for Tuvaluvaluvians to move there and hump. 

11/24

I found out today that a toy Incredible Hulk is on a list of toys that parents shouldn't buy for kids this christmas because it 'promotes violence'. This Hulk toy yells, 'Hulk! Smash!' and 'Hulk! Destroy!' and 'Hulk! Crush!' In response Marvel has released a less violent version that yells, 'Hulk! Tickle!' and 'Hulk! Snuggle!' and 'Hulk! Hold hands!

Here's this year's dirty dozen toys..

11/23

Tonite I learned that they tested a bunch of different smells on women to find out which scents turn women on the most like sexwise. And the top smell was... cucumber mixed with Good & Plenty. That seems to do the trick for women. But who knows cause later on during a commercial break the TV told me that women seemed to get most sexed up by smelling AXE all-over-body spray. 

Here goes Mr. Good and Plenty who is a horse.

11/22

I learnt tonite that Japanese dudes are thinking about building something called Sky City. The idea is to build a building that's like twice as tall as the tallest skyscraper and make it a place where people can live and work and shop and travel by monorail... and freak out about living way way too high up in the sky like George Jetson all on the treadmill with Astro and being pissed because cause Mr. Spacely is being a dick or whatever.

Here's a overly webbed out interactive look at Sky City.

11/21

I found out tonite that the government covered up yet another UFO crash back in 1965. This one crashed down in Kecksburg, Pennsylvania. Sure sure the government said it was just a quote unquote "meteor" (redundant with the quotes I know) -but are meteors shaped like giant acorns?! Huh?! And do they crash in a zigzaggy controlled manner?! Slowing down on the way down!? I think not!!! Why does the gov't keep secrets!? We want the truth! We can handle the truth!

Actually only 3 out of 4 of us are..umm... somewhat prepared to handle the truth..

11/20

The TV disturbed me a bit tonite by telling me about the Shoemaker-Levy-9 comet that broke into a dozen pieces back in 1994 and the pieces crashed down on Jupiter big time. The guy on tv said the impact was the equivalent of a atomic bomb going off on the surface of the planet every second for 13 years. Maybe that's why Jupiterians wear helmets all the time.

Speaking of helmets... Uh oh spaghettio.

11/19

Today the tv showed me an annual voodoo festival in Togo. It involved alot of dancing and worship of gods and possession and killing of animals and stuff. At the end of the festival the high priest goes off to find a rock. He's gonna return with either a white rock, a blue rock or a red rock. If the rock is white or blue it means that good things are coming to the village and harmony and stuff. But if it's a red rock though it means bad news big time. Festival over. And you gotta stop, drop and pray like pronto. 

Here's some quickie voodoo spells for this and that.

11/18

So I found out that this dog show guy refused to 'crop the tail' of his brittany spaniel. And the AKC was like, 'No crop? Then your dog is disqualified.' And the guy was like, 'That's bogus! Why do I have to crop my dogs tail?' AKC was like, 'Your dog is a hunting dog. It's for its own safety!' And dude was like, 'Not only does my dog not hunt! But none of these prancey prance dogs hunt either! So why are we doing this?' The AKC thought about it for a sec then pointed over the guy's shoulder and said, 'Because of that!!' The guy looked behind him and there was nothing there. When he looked back at the AKC was running away.

Start stopping with the cropping some say.

11/17

Sorry no daily fact today. I really tried and watched tv for like 2 hours tonite and came up empty headed. I did see some show about tattoos and learned nothing except that some people like tattoos alot.. and other people don't like tattoos at all. Even though I didn't find a good fact about tattoos I'll still link to some bad ones. Here

11/16

I found out tonite about a new software that was built to catch people cheating (sex wise). If it gets installed on your computer it will record all your emails, IM chats, chatrooms, and every keystroke typed without you knowing. Then the snooper goes into your computer and looks at all that stuff. Then you get busted and they show you the printout proof of your cheatrocity- so you yell back for them being so frickin paranoid and act insulted- then you realize your argument doesn't hold water and you shift the argument to some off topic prior argument about something the other person did once...  then you realize the reversal didn't work out and you storm off upset because you're so busted.

Here's a link to a program that gets sneaky stuff off yer machine...

11/15

Tonite the guy on TechTV told me about this website with listings for all sorts of class action lawsuits going on. He said there was one against Pentium 4 for being all braggy about their superspeed which was like a lie or whatever. There's also one going on against Earthlink for ripping people off on broadband. Snapple lied about something too. There seems to be alot of these lawsuits. On average, my guess is they take between 75-120 years to settle. Then there's the appeal...

Here goes website with all em listins.

11/14

I found out tonite that Afghanistan won the title of #1 world champion exporter of opium. And I found out that the average income in Afghanistan is $400 a year unless you're a poppy farmer in which case your average income is $6000 a year. That's all I got to say bout that. Nothing funny to report today. Just stating the facts I done learnt. Tomorrow will be funny and not all that's the facty, jacky.

Along with a strange-o Opiate link. Boom done.

11/13

I saw this dude on tv tonite who got determined to build better boxes for the homeless. He felt if people are going to have to live in a box it might as well be a nice box. So he went about designing this thing made out of waterproof cardboard resistant to the wind and stuff. Homeless people would definitely dig it more than their old school cardboard box for sure. The one snag is the starting price for a new box... $899.

Oh well. Here go the Icopods for a more upscale homeless look.

11/12

I found out tonite that Girl Scouts in Alaska are going beyond selling cookies and learning how to stitch or whatever. The girl scouts in Alaska are learning how to trap, kill, and skin beavers. I guess they're earning badges when they snag one with a nice pelt or whatever. When girl scout Allison Becker was asked to comment she said, "The beavers have been bothering us for years. Building dams wherever they want and taking our wood. We feel it's important to teach them a lesson." Then she turned toward the woods and yelled, "You hear me, buckos?! It's time to pay the piper!" When Bobby Hembreicht, 10, Boy Scout from Pack #134 was asked to comment on the Girl Scout situation he said, "Big deal! Girls are gross and beavers are gross too! And smelly..."

PETA of course ain't too thrilled with Allison's attitude.

11/11

Oh frog! I just woke up today to check yesterday's daily fact and saw that I didn't do one yesterday. Not sure what happened I thought I had done one earlier in the day but that was earlier in the day the day before yesterday and there was some kind of blurring effect apparently. 

Here's a quick Blur song for happy specialty bonus. (It's called We've Got a File on You but first time I heard it it sounded like 'Wake Up I'll Fart on You'.)

11/10

I found out tonite that it's the 20th anniversary of the computer virus. The first real virus was something along the lines of something or other that would affect the boot of some floppy disk or something innocent like that. I remember when I first opened a computer virus. It was my first week at work and somehow I got this attachment that I opened and it spread everywhere in the company via my email address and they had to shut down the network. It was my way of introducing myself. Kinda like, 'Hi! My name is Todd. I'm new! And I'm a dunce...'

 Here's a virus if you want one..

11/9

Tonite I learned that they've been busy making miniature cattle. For the most part they're owned as pets or for rodeo-type entertainment- but apparently people go on and eat them up too. I don't know... this whole weird breeding genetics stuff is starting to really creep me out a bit.

And burger lover or not.. how can you stomach eating one of these cute little mutants?

11/8

The tv today showed me that they discovered a new octopus that lives way down down in the sea. It has like big floppy ear-ish things so the underwater science guys called the octopus 'Dumbo'. So basically there was this nice octopus minding its own business... and scary science guys show up and shine a big spotlight right in its face and call it 'Dumbo!' then zoom off. How do you think that made the octopus feel? Most likely the octopus hasn't seen the movie Dumbo so as far as it's concerned Dumbo is just a cruel nickname some tough kids tagged on him after scaring him with a big spotlight. Poor Dumbo...

Here's a picture of 'Dumbo' the latest sea creature to be terrorized and humiliated by nerdy scientists.

11/7

I seen on the tv today that they're selling a coffee pot that you can hook up thru your car lighter so you can brew coffee while you cruise down the highway- after plugging it in you look up and see you're heading toward a family of ducks crossing the road so you slam on the breaks forgetting that you've been speeding in a blizzard and your car starts spinning like crazy 360... 720... 1440! that's when the coffee pot starts flying around and it clangs you in the face which pops the top off and it gives you a big splash of burning hot coffee right in your eyes and the car is still spinning 2880! and the pot clangs you in the face again and you get splattered with another round hot coffee then the car flips over and starts barrelrolling down the highway and you start vomiting because of all the spinning and rolling and the vomit is flying around the car along with the burning hot coffee and the clanging pot and when the car finally skids to a stop upsidedown the horn goes on super loud and won't shut off and you crawl out of the broken drivers side window and stand up all woozy with a bruised up face and a chipped tooth and you're scalded and half blinded and covered in vomit but happy to be alive and you look down the road and see the family of ducks standing there in the snow and they all stare at you like you're an idiot then they quack at each other in agreement and fly off and you wonder why those ducks hadn't flown south for the winter a long time ago.

Here's one of those car coffee pots if you wanna buy one..

11/6

I found out that back in the 50's before we had really good radar we were paranoid that the Russians were gonna sneak up and blow us all up. So we built these big radar towers out at sea to give us an early warning against the Ruskies. The towers were called Texas Towers. One of em (#4) was built all wrong and never fixed right so when storms came the thing would swing and shake like crazy. Before it collapsed into the sea taking 28 guys down with it, the guys nicknamed the thing 'Old Shaky'.

Here's an old yearbook from Old Shaky.

11/5

Tonite I was watching some conspiracy show and the guy said that the Masons have crazy power and influenced the design of our dollar bill. The guy translated the back of a dollar bill for me. Over the pyramid it says 'Annuit Coeptis' which translates to 'God has favored our undertaking.' And under that it says 'Novus Ordo Seclorum' which translates to 'New World Order.' And in very fine print under the eye of the pyramid it says 'Tripudio. Tripudio Terra' which translates to 'Boogie. Boogie Wonderland.'

Take out a dollar and read up here if you wanna.

11/4

Tonite I watched the 2003 Lumberjack World Championships on the Outdoor Life Network (yes it was a slow nite in tv land) and I learnt that Mike Sullivan is the World Champion in Hot Saw. What's the Hot Saw? Well I'll tell ya. You take a chainsaw and a big log of wood and as fast as you can you saw one slice down. Then one slice up. Then another slice down. 6.17 seconds for Mike to win the world title... Let's see you do that without chopping your knee off along the way.

Here be the other events at a good ol' lumberjack comp.

11/3

The lady on the news tonite talked about different ways to skip over automated customer service hell. Like when you call a company and have to jump through hoops on your phone pad like a digital dog just to get someone on the phone. Time Warner Cable has the worst of em. I called them the other day and ended up with no options that applied. Then they punished me when I hit zero by going silent. Stupid. Horrible. F.  Anyway, the news put up a few shortcuts through a few places so I thought I'd share em. 

Here ya go. Just scroll down

11/1

Tonite I learnt bout the Red Baron. Up until tonite the only thing I knew about him was that Snoopy had an ongoing grudge match with him with his whole 'Curse you, Red Baron!' situation. Turns out the Red Baron was this dude named Baron Freiherr Manfred von Richthofen. He was a cocky ass pilot who painted his plane bright red to make it more noticeable to the enemy. A real F-U. The Baron shot down 80 planes before someone took him out. Maybe by someone someone flying a 'Sopwith Camel...?'

He was a real wartime celeb before he bit it. Autographing stuff and stuff...

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