NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2004
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HIT OR MISS UPDATES THRU END OF THE YEAR. SOMETIMES FACT. SOMETIMES NOT. THATS A FACT.

12/25 *Merry Xmas!*

Today I laid on the couch and watched Gone With The Wind on TNT. I'd never seen GWTW before because it looks so horrible and boring and soapy and stuff. But I found out today that Gone With The Wind is actually a really good movie! It's fun to watch and different than I thought it would be! Because I liked it. I realize this isn't a great fact but I'm on vacation (sorta) and this is as good as its gonna get. If you haven't seen Gone With The Wind check it out. It's not horrible. It's actually really good!

Here's some GWTW facts...

12/21

Tonite I found out about a new thingamajiggee called the VerifyHandscanner (or something like that). Basically if you hold your hands under the light of this scanner thing it will light up any bacteria on your hands. Sounds like a good thing for the person making your salad. Maybe not such a good thing for OCD handwashers who are also obsessed with the latest gadgets.

Here's an OCD quiz checkup checkout quiz.

12/20

Today tv told me about some dude that found a pack of abandoned wolf cubs and decided to raise them in the wild by being the leader of the pack. He sleeps outside with them and is teaching them to howl and hunt and stuff. Right now he is the lead 'dog' but eventually if he does his job right a dominant wolf will take over the pack. And while that dominant wolf is gnawing on this dude's head... he can smile taking pride in a job done well.

Umm...

12/19

Daily facts took a holiday for the past few days but now they're done slacking and they came back nice and tan and stinking of rum. It was also wearing a coconut bra. Not sure where they went off to but they're back now and over there snoring on my couch.

If you're an A they're still in stock!

12/17

Tonite Access Hollywood told me that Superstar Zillionaire Tom Cruise is filming a movie in Kentucky. And Superstar Zillionaire Tom Cruise stopped in a Dairy Queen. And there was a donation jar on the counter for some girl who got hurt in a go-cart accident. So Superstar Zillionaire Tom Cruise put $5000 cash in the jar to help out the injured chick. It's very cool and all the Superstar Zillionaire Tom Cruise was generous like that but then again when you're a Superstar Zillionaire and everyone is staring at you- you can't exactly throw .35 in the jar and walk off licking your ice cream.

This page has a slideshow of the Cruise/Queen activity...

12/16

Imagine there is a really interesting really funny fact posted here. It something you never knew before AND on top of it it has like a joke spin at the end of it which you find humorous. Not just surface funny. But a secondary level of funny when you think about it later.

Plus this link goes someplace really interesting instead of here.

12/15

Tonite I learnt about scorpions. TV told me that the larger the scorpions claws are the less dangerous they are. It's the small ones with the small claws that can really mess you up bad. The TV nature nerd also told me that if you hold an ultraviolet light up to a scorpion they start glowing but he said nobody knows why the glow that way. I find it hard to believe that no one knows. But maybe no one knows. The only thing I'm sure I know about that is I don't know.

Scorpion venom may cure cancer in Cuba. (say that 10x fast...)

12/14

Today I found out that some hospitals have been telling people to take off their 'LiveStrong' Lance Armstrong bracelets. The problem is if someone is wearing a yellow bracelet in some hospitals it means 'Do Not Resuscitate'. Sort of totally defeating the purpose of the bracelet. Not sure why it's taken so long to for hospitals to get the word out about this. Probably has something to do with lawyers or something...

I just wrote up a what's happening for my handsock rag idea and then typed up this fact and when I went looking for a link I had handsock stuck in my head and did a patent search on it and decided to link to that and when I got back here I remembered I was supposed to be looking for a bracelet link. But whatever. I don't see no patent for handsock rag! 

12/13

Tonite I found out that the United States doesn't have a lock on UFO crash landings. TV told me that China had their own UFO crash landing like 12,000 years ago. And that alien crash landing led to a hybrid half-alien/half-dwarf village. And the aliens left behind these round discs called Dzopa stones which show they come from the star system Sirius (which by the way is the direction that all the egyptian pyramids point). And in 1996 the Space shuttle filmed weird flying things that look just like Dzopa stones flying around the shuttle. And TV said the Chinese and US gov't are in cohoots to squish the alien story.... as is the way apparently all gov'ts like to handle things of this non-nature.

Here's some info on the Disks of Baian-Kara-Ula that came from the stars.. 

12/12

Sorry daily fact balls dropped all over the place this weekend. Twas running around a bit and right now it's 2:24AM and I'm watching friggin Bryon Allen's junky junket show. So I can pretty much assume that ain't nothing to be learnt from this show unless "learning" includes finding out Kirsten Dunst actually didn't play alot of tennis after she finished the movie Wimbledon or Milla Jovivich explaining that Resident Evil 2 wasn't made just to make money..

Back on the stick starting Monday y'all...

12/10

Another robot fact today! (Well actually I shouldn't say another "fact" considering yesterdays was a blatant lie not a fact) Anyway, Toyota came out with their new robot and it looked kind of cool. It's called iFoot and it's like a walking wheelchair type thing. Disabled people hopefully soonish will be getting new coolio robots that they can control with joysticks to stomp around all 7 feet tall and stuff. It's looks like a comfy chair with two big legs and the person can control the walking around and stuff. Similar to Destructo except for the human control aspect and the lack of random smashingness.

Check out the iFoot and some other thingamagizmitts.

12/9

So today tv showed me something that Honda is working on. It's called the "Honda Destructo". It's basically a walking robot that is supersmart and possesses tremendous power. It has these gripper fists and strong arms. Its sole purpose is for destruction of stuff in shopping malls.  

In early 2005, Honda plans to let Destructo loose in random shopping malls where it will smash up displays, push over shelving and throw things down the escalator. It is waterproof so it can get into fountains and smash up the fountain as well. Destructo can also try on clothing, look in the mirror, then tear the clothing from itself and walk out without paying -while giving 'the finger' to the cashier. A Honda spokesperson claims the idea of Destructo was "...an April Fools memo that was accidentally taken seriously and unfortunately made it through the system." They apologize for any future inconvenience.

Here's the Honda Destructo in action. And other Artificial Life videos.

12/8

TV told me about a big steamship explosion that happened on the Mississippi back in the day. It was the worst maritime disaster in American history but I never heard about it before. It was this steamship called the Sultana. Basically the captain was in debt up to his ears so he overloaded the ship to make cash. The regulations on steamship inspections were all willy nilly. The ship was speeding to fast, it was in bad shape, it overheated and then all of a sudden. BA-BOOM! The boilers sploded and 1700 civil war soldiers get totally killed. It got buried in the press because Lincoln had gotten shot like that week or something so the steamship explosion ended up all snubbed on the backpage.

 Here's a description from someone who was aboard. It's weird to read writing from people way back in the day...

12/7

Tonite I got an overload of 'supercool' Oceans Twelve promos. ET. Commercials. Access Hollywood. Interviews! This! That! Pitt! Damon! Cheadle! And I'm sick of it! Aren't they all so great and talented! That George Clooney! He's a big prankster, huh!? Hey prankster boy! F-U! I'm sick of all their arrogance over their assumed big mega-hit! And Julia too! She's so beautiful! Right? Gross! And I'm tired of them bragging, "Oh yippee for us! We had so much fun running around in Europe this summer and lazing on yachts while filming a movie! Weee! It was barely even work! And we're all millionaire moviestars!" Can't they smell their own cheese?! Puke! Enough!

George is quite the prankster

12/6

Sorry no fact yesterday. My TV was messed up and although I have digital cable only the local stations were coming thru for some weird reason. The rest were like frozen. Around here that's channels 2, 4, 7, 9, 11, 13. Just like when my tv had antennas. So I was given a little retro tv experience. And I guess I dint learn nothing because I had watched TV like I was 6 years old again.

This song tastes like Fruity Pebbles.

12/5

Tonite I found out the our Air Force has invested money in researching the possibility of teleportation. Yeah like Star Trek and all that. The study goes as far to see if they teleported someone to another planet would they able to insure their 'soul' would go along for the ride. Or would they arrive all souless like those godless Vulcans. At the very least I guess we'll learn how to teleport money from reality to a netherworld of sorts. 

Here's the official un-top secret Teleportation Physics Study.

12/4

Tonite I learnt about designer genes. Basically we're getting past this minor leagur 'performance enhancing drugs' and going for the major leagues with 'performance enhancing genes'. Athletes will soon get beyond old school lame superstrongness and pump up to new school superDUPERstrongness. Also in the future the punishment for cheating by using these designer genes will also be superduper. Instead of an athlete getting thrown out of the league or fined, they'll be given a maximum dosage of designer genes from all sorts of different species and mutate until they become a new breed of freaky team mascot. Coolio!

Speaking of weird team mascots... Gimme a B...! Gimme an I...!...

12/3

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. The daily fact thief snuck into my head and stole the fact right out of my head and then he typed it up on his own daily fact board which he also stole from somewhere and he posts it on a stolen internet somewhere in a stolen dimension in a stolen tree.

This is what the daily fact thief looks like:

12/2

Today I found out about a new email spam scam. If you get an email in your inbox saying that the Dept. of Homeland Security plans to freeze your accounts due to suspicious activity- you can pretty much bet that it's not the Dept. of Homeland Security that sent that email. It was probably some guy named Mike in Phoenix (not sure why Phoenix) who somehow amazingly doesn't have a problem sleeping at night.

Dept. of Homeland Security has a weird website. What's with that mysterious black space on the right?

12/1

Today on channel 34953945 I saw some guy promoting something called Under-Ease underwear. It's basically underwear with some sort of filter in there to keep fart smell from getting out there. Basically you blast a fart and the stinky gasses get caught in the filter. And the filter is replaceable or something. Gross and practical! Might be a nice stocking stuffer for the extreme professional power farter in the family.... or not.

Here's under-ease and here's some fart facts. (i think i linked to the fart facts a while ago but i couldn't find where so there they are again maybe.)

11/30

I seen on the TV today a new thing where you can sit at your computer and sign up at this website to shoot a rifle at a target live with live rounds. So you're sitting around and you feel like you gotta shoot a gun and you log on and shoot one off. Apparently this website is working on setting up live animal targets for phase two. Shoot a live animal with a click of the mouse over the internet. Bang. Thump. Yippee? Which will probably outrage someone enough to set up their own website with their own rifles to let other outraged people shoot at the computers that are shooting at the animals. And then they'll be a back and forth until there's an all out war between the animal loving pacifist website and the online hunting website... all with the click of a mouse... or something.... or not.

Anyway, here's what shooting a target online looks like....

11/29

Tonite on Unscrewed on G4TechTV I saw some guy who invented a new device to help people shave their back. It's called the Razorba which is basically a plastic thing that's like an extended arm that can hold your disposable razor into so you can reach all the way down your back and shave it. Seemed cool. But if you're more into the electric clipper type thing just use duct tape to attach the clippers to a gardening trowel for extra reach. Someone who lives in my apartment invented that one.

Here's the Razorba for your bears out there.

11/28

Tonite I seen a new gadget on tv for some uberners to ubernerd out. It's called the Desktop Rover. It's basically just like the Mars Rover but instead of roaming around Mars it roams around your office. With a camera and a remote control you can send it on missions like... roll over there and look up that girls skirt or... umm... roll over to the other side over there and... umm...  look up that other girls skirt... or umm... rover on over there and check out that girl over there... the one in the skirt...

Fortunately for you girls the thing is as loud as a hairdryer on wheels... 

11/23

Sorry no fact today. I found out that the submarine Kursk that sunk a few years back may have been the victim of a game of submarine chicken with a US sub. But I have no proof of that. Some dude on TV hinted to it so it's pretty far from a fact. 

But I did get lots of bball pictures yesterday from people and we even have a winner or two... ! Click here!

11/22

So they were talking about the big basketball brawl alot today and Peter Jennings told me that basketball back in the day used to be played in a cage. And the crowd sat outside the cage and watched them play. And the players got the name 'cagers'. Although the NBA brawl was ugly I think it would be cool if athletes fought with the fans in some other sports. Like tennis, golf, diving, and skiing. Sports like that! Let them spill over into the crowd! That would be a friggin coolio spectacle! 

Anyway I looked for a picture of that old style cage basketball setup to link it up here and couldn't find one on the net. The first person to email me a photo of old time basketball players playing in old cage setup wins a free coff-ay mug!  [email protected]

11/21

Tonite I found out about a new beauty contest. It's got everything a real beauty contest has except all the women are digital and fake and stuff. After all the hype years ago about virtual reality sex and movies that show us in the future how it's gonna be all digital sex in your head and stuff. Is this really as far as we've gone in the 21st century? Miss Digital World? At this rate we're talking 22nd century before we get some virtual woowoo chang chang splam splam splamo... 

11/20

Today I found out that they're starting to make cellphones bigger again. Not because they're loading them with stupid features or whatever. Because some people just don't want a little cellphone. Because they're getting dumbly small. And some oldsters or people who don't travel around alot just want a regular frickin phone cellphone. So this one company called Jablotron is making a big ass cellphone. Bigger than the original cellphones! Bigger than any cellphone ever made! 

Check out this thang. Schelp that around...

Here tis.

11/19

I seen a new scary product on the tv today. It's called 'location-free tv'. Basically it's like a 12" flatscreen monitor that gets a wireless signal broadcasting tv. The point of it is you can walk around your house and watch tv wherever you go. The kitchen. The garage. Or when you're sitting on the bowl. The whole thing seems dangerous and mental to me... but if Sony wants to be the Official Location Free TV Provider of oddtodd.com- I'd be willing to live dangerously mental... 

Here's some dilly on the LF-TV skizznizzellevision

11/18

Today I learnt a new way we're working to win hearts and minds over in Fallujah. After soldiers went in there with big rifles and explosives and tanks, a second wave of soldiers followed it up with an flurry of cash. Crisp american dollar bills are being handed out to the civilian residents who might have lost their homes or cars or whatever. I guess it's a good idea. Dollars helps for hearts and minds I think. But it's like... 'Hey! Here's a couple grand in cash for your newly blown up 1978 Datsun hatchback.'...? Talk about your shock and awe... 

Here's a slideshow of the worst cars of all time...

11/17

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. It wasn't my fault. It's tvs fault. TV had a total attitude problem yesterday and I didn't appreciate it. We totally didn't get along because tv was being a dick. If you ask tv, tv will say that I was the one being a dick but tv is just being a dick when tv says that because tv is sometimes a dick.

Dick Kallman was Little Louie Groovy

11/16

Today I learned about a new thing on the net where people are busy trading stuff for free. It's called freecycling and it's some do-goodery service where people with stuff they don't need anymore put it out on the web for free and can take stuff for free or something. Not sure how it all works or how they keep scammers out or whatever but it seems like a coolio idea. Scammers please don't get all bonery and wreck something that seems so nice and so scammerable.  Thanks.

Here's freecycling.

11/15

Today I found out from TechTV that our government might be influenced by real life outerspace aliens. Apparently the US gov't been in discussions with aliens for a long time now and they are very influential over national policy. Going all the way back to Eisenhower aliens have been a lobby group manipulating the US Government. Not sure what their master plan is... but facts show it may be something involving anal probing on a global scale.

 You don't think exopolitics is serious?  Tell it that to this guy.

11/14

Tonite I saw something on tv that was a cool wireless device type thing. It's called TrafficGauge and it's basically some device that sits on your dash and lets you know what the traffic situation is all around you. So you'll be able to see like 20 miles ahead that there's traffic and map out a new route with no traffic or whatever. Sort of feels like cheating a little bit. Anyway, for the record, I had this idea first. At least a year ago. It was one of those ideas I forgot right after I thought of it but it sounds very familiar so I assume it was mine first and they stole it from my head those bastards...

Here's ya trafficgauge ya early adopter LA geeks...

11/13

This fact was deleted previous to its existence.

11/12

I found out you can't trust those children's beauty pageant contestants. You might think you're looking at some long haired, big smiled, long eyelashed, skinny three year old. But the truth is she might be wearing hair extensions, false teeth, fake eyelashes, and they might be wrapped around the belly with saran wrap to just make it look like they don't have a belly. Just some disturbing tips about that pageant circuit that I picked up today...

Congrats? To Hannah...

11/11

Anyway, some weirdo on TV talking about the future said something about 'penny cams' today. Basically they're working on inventing stickers the size of a penny that kids can peel off and stick wherever. These stickers are actually mini-cameras that will have their own webaddress and stuff. The dude said kids will stick em up then go home and log on the net and watch the cameras they stuck all around that day. That's some sort of kid dream come true I guess.... The stickers will be around in 7 years he said.

They're coming...

(the above link seems to have gone down. but it's a really cool web cam in Times Square. i'll leave link up in case it works again or whatever...)

11/10

Tonite I seen something cool on the tv called the bionic dolphin. It's like this water fun jetski type thing. It's shaped like a dolphin and you ride inside in like an airplane canopy. You ride inside and it's airtight. Basically it can zoom bouncing on top of the water and then it can dive under the water for like 20 seconds at a time. The man on tv said these two dudes worked on it for five years. Ahh.. to be young and all trust funded up... that's the life...

Here's a video of the bionic dolphin in action...

11/9

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I was very busy gathering things for the box of objects.

Here's what time it is everywhere.

11/8

First TV told me that time travel was possible because when people fly in fast planes their watches tick slightly slower than people on the ground. Then TV told me time travel doesn't exist because of the Grandfather Paradox (if you time traveled back in time and killed your grandfather technically you should never existed to kill gramps). But then TV told me that time travel could still exist because if you went back in time and killed your grandfather you might be doing so in a parallel universe. Which would override the paradox thing. Sort of a safety net built in by god in case we start screwing around all willy nilly with stuff because we think we're smart..

Bid on a box of objects that may or may not allow you to time travel or create parallel universes and stuff.

11/7

Today the news told me about something called 'phishing'. Basically dickhead virus scums are getting more tricky with spam. Now you don't have to open an attachment to get infected. All you need to do is click on the URL link in an email and they getcha.  What it does is extra superscummy stuff- like when you type in your bank name it will automatically redirect you to a fake site that looks just like your bank. Then when you type in your info it's all going into some fake site and stuff. Gross! Meanwhile I think I might have clicked on one of those bogus links just today! Woohoo! New paranoia!

Running this great program now...

11/6

Tonite I found out that Scottish people are getting all pissed off because people are starting to counterfeit scotch. In the same way there's like fake Rolexes or Kate Spade bags or Callaway Clubs or whatever. Now there's fake scotch. So in Scotland they're putting together the 'Scotch Guard'. Dudes who go from bar to bar ordering scotch and testing it in an 'authenticator'. If it passes and is authentic then they drink it up and go to the next bar and test more scotch there. It's sorta like drunkerd detective work. Not sure if they've cracked a case yet...

Here's everything I didn't know about scotch whiskey.

11/5

Sorry no daily fact today. I was busy replying to emails from manic mac users who went nutty on me for trash talking smack about my iPod. Daily fact coming tomorrow..

Here's a buncho apple-related videos for ya...

11/4

Tonite TV told me a story. Back in the day, there was this guy who made tractors. He decided he had some good ideas for car designs so he called up Mr. Ferrari (who made Ferrari cars) and told him these good ideas for making sports cars better. Mr. Ferrari told him to screw off and go back to making tractors. Mr. Ferrari told him he was a dickweed stupido. So the guy went off and made a super sports car of his own. Then the guy (whos name was Mr. Lamborghini) called Mr. Ferrari a double dickweed stupido... and no backsies. Or so the legend goes...

Here's what he went off and made.

11/3

Today I learned that Thomas Edison was working on an invention to communicate with spirits. He got all convinced that there were spirits around and was working on some spirit detector machine right up until his death. It was some sort of thingamajig with a micromophone or something. Some say the machine was never finished. Some say it never worked. Some say one of his assistants stole it. Some say he was just mental. But apparently the moment Edison died... all the clocks in his house stopped. 

If you want to do some ghost hunting- here's whatcha need... 

Here's be some edison quotes too

11/2

Been watching the election results. The big surprises for me tonite was when I saw some dude in the background on CNN give big doublefisted middle fingers to the camera. That was a surprise. Then I was surprised later on when another dude showed off his t-shirt that said 'Fuck This Shit' right on tv. That was a surprise too. I guess it's no surprise that I'm heading to bed not knowing who the President will be. I still can't believe that the process works at all to be honest. I went to vote today and nobody asked me for ID or anything- and I walked into a booth that looked like it was from 1965. I took a picture it... which is probably a federal offense on some level. Look at this thing:

... but then again I trust this old clunker to any electronic voting right now.

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