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* Monday*s Nuts* * *
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SEND ME your nutty story today! Got nuts? You go write now then Send it in.
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Sorry for the length, but this is a pretty funny story. This may have been one of the stupidest things I have ever done, and man-o-man did I pay the price. It was my sophmore year in college and I was living with a couple of friends in our first appartment. It was a Sunday and we were watching the Patriots and drinking a few beers when the discussion of the combustion properties of methane gas was discussed... ok we were arguing if you could really light your farts on fire. After heated debate (I had whitnessed a fart ignited in the past) it was decided that the only way to solve this argument was by utilizing pure emphirical data... meaning that someone was going to light a fart on fire.

Since I was the first person with the need to expell some gas, I grabbed the lighter and tried to light my first fart. Unfortunatly I did not get the lighter close enough to my... well to the gas source to produce a farting flame. Now the people who did not believe a fart could be lit on fire saw this as proof that lighting farts was a myth. Since I had seen otherwise I bet them each $10 that I could light a fart. Sure enough they took the bet, and I was set to waiting until I needed to toot again. Now in the meantime we discussed the best position for igniting a fart and we decided that sitting position, leaning back into the couch with my legs in the air would be the best way to light that candle. Now, let me say that I was wearing some fleese sweatpants. I fealt the fart coming, assumed the position, and let it rip.... success! Here is where it goes bad... As I lit the fart, the fleese caught fire (in the croch area), and with the strength of Hercules I slapped teh burning area with my hand... thus CRUSHING MY OWN BALLS. I fell off the couch and writhing in pain, as my roomated laughed. The whole thing took no more than 2 seconds, but I have been hearing about it from those guys ever since.

It was the worst $20 I ever made.

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The subject of this story is my husbands nuts and how he got twisted testicle one time.

We were working overseas in a third world country in West Africa where medical care is pretty horrible. Dirt floors in operating rooms and such. Luckily they have a clinic for expats where they can handle minor things, and if anything is major, they send you out on an emergency medical flight.

Around 3AM, my husband wakes me up with this panicky look on his face. He was in a cold sweat and his skin looked grey. He was holding his groin area. I asked him what was wrong, and he said he didn't know but that he woke up and it felt like his left nut was going to explode. He said he needed to go to the clinic pronto!

We weren't supposed to drive anywhere in the country without a driver and an armed guard. Also, they advise against travel after dark. Not the safest place to be! But I sprang into action....he had to go NOW! I drove him.

He was in so much pain on the way, he passed out. When we got there, I got him up and into the clinic. He moaned in pain and vomitted once. The night nurse called the doctor to come right away.

I listened to the one sided conversation of the Nigerian nurse...

"Sir...I think you need come to clinic right away..Dis man, he have serious pain in private paht."

PAUSE

"Sir...I give him Tylenol, do nothing Sir. Man need strong strong medicine. Big big pain."

PAUSE

"Yes Sir, I give Morphine and you come now now!"

Then he got a shot of morphine. It dulled the pain to a bearable level, but he was still in pain. She was amazed. She said, "I give strong morphine, and pain continue? Dis man in trouble."

Over the next four hours, my husband was visited by the general physician, a surgeon, and finally a urologist that they had to send for from the next town. They figured out he had TWISTED TESTICLE!!!

His testical twisted causing the tube leading to it to be twisted. This causes immense swelling and blood to rush to the area....oh yeah, and unbearable pain. The urologist had to numb him and do a lot of prodding and turned it back the way it belongs.

He said it is common in younger guys who are atheletes, especially if they run a lot. My husband is in his 40's and not an athelete...he's a manager and works in an office. The doctor looked at me. I said, "Don't look at me, I was asleep, I had nothing to do with this injury!! No matress antics in this situation."

Over the next week he had to take pain medicine, take anti-inflammatories, and wear tight fitting underwear.

My little pet name for him now is My Little Wing Nut!!

For future reference...pray to God that you never get your testicle twisted like this. It was an awful thing to watch and he said it hurt so bad that he wanted them to cut it off if they couldn't fix it!

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