* Monday*s Nuts*       *            *
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Hey! I need more balls stories or the poems are coming back! Send it in.

  I was about 13 years old at the time.  I was on vacation in Nevis Minnesota at a resort on a lake.  Down the service road about a mile or so was another resort that myself and a couple of the older boys I hung out with would go to play pinball and vids, cuz they had an arcade in the lodge.  My friend and I were hanging out one night playing pinball, and he left for a bit to go back to our resort.  He was riding a bike that he had built, with low handlebars and a small tire in the front, and the back had a bigger tire.  So when you rode it, your butt was up and your hands were low.  

Anyways, it was getting late, nearly midnite, and my friend hadn't come back yet, so I decided to head back.  The service road between the two resorts was pitch black.  Very scary and very quiet.  I decided to jog down the middle of the road, figuring it was the safest, cuz on either side of the road the tar was broken up, and ditches.  So I am jogging along, a little scared cuz I am alone on a dark road, and I literally cannot see anything ahead of me, the only scant light is that of the moon.  All the sudden the silence is broken by a buzzing/whiring sound.  I can't figure out what it is but it is getting louder and louder.  Then it happened. WHAM!! I collide with my friend who was also coming down the center of the road, to come look for me, but on a bike with the low handlebars.  We hit head on, with the center of the bars hitting me square in the balls.  The pain was incredible, it felt like the wind was knocked out of me.   I layed there in the dark in the middle of the road for what seemed forever.  My friend kept asking me if I was okay, in between bouts of laughter.  I limped back to the cabin, check myself out in the bathroom, saw some bruising, but no cuts or blood.  I iced them for a bit while in bed, then fell asleep.  The next morning I was really bruised, swelling wasn't too bad.  My mom noticed me limping and I told her why and ended up showing her my groin.  Everything checked out okay bye her quick exam, I was relieved, and I spent the rest of my vacation periodically checking out everything down there to make sure all was okay.  When I look back, (30 years old now) I remember that he said he was going at a pretty good clip, like 15 mph or so, and I was jogging at least 5-7 mph, so that was a major collision that could have been a lot worse. 

North Saint Paul


Dear Todd,

I don't know if this is a "nuts" story or a "boss from hell" story,
but either way, at least it has a happy ending.

When I was in school, I got a temporary job at a publishing company.
The whole company only had about thirty employees, all working
together in close quarters.  The only guy who had a "real" office was
the Bossman, a real arrogant jerk, who acted like he was doing
everyone there a favor by giving them a job.

We were constantly sent free merchandise from other companies that
wanted us to buy their stuff.  I don't even think some of these
companies knew we were in the publishing business; they just had us on
some generic mailing list, and mailed us their marketing toys.  One
company sent us a box of those sand-filled squishy balls with their
logo on it.   The balls weren't soft, they were just very squeezable,
you know what kind I'm talking about?

There were enough of these squishy balls for everyone, but when Mr.
Bossman found out that they were being handed out to all the
employees, he decided that the temps shouldn't be getting any, and
made a special trip out of his office to personally make sure that we
temps handed ours back in.  He was really stingy, and probably wanted
to give ours to his kids or something.

When he saw me across the room playing with one of the squishy balls,
he yelled at me to give it to him.  So I said "here," and threw it at
him.  He put his hands out to catch it, only I had thrown too low, and
it socked him right in the balls.  In a flash of light he was writhing
on the floor, both hands covering his crotch, and moaning.  He didn't
move for a full ten seconds, and the whole room was laughing at him
the entire time he was on the floor.  He finally managed to get up and
stagger back to his office.  He didn't come out the rest of the day.

Needless to say, I was the favorite person in the office the rest of
the day.  But I was fired the next.  Oh well. It was worth it:  The
image of him going down like a tenpin and moaning over his bruised
balls will stay with me forever.


Got a story involving someone being hit or hitting upside the testicles in one way or another?

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