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When I was in third grade all of the students were really just starting
to discover that people paired up with members of the opposite sex. It
was all very innocent and you would exchange letters to each other
asking to "go steady". Even when you were going steady with someone it
was more just as a joke and, being about eight years old, it was all
very cute and harmless.
 
The love of my third grade experience was Susan, a statuesque blonde in
my class. We were technically going steady but hadn't even kissed or
held hands. It was more to be involved in the "going steady" game than
out of real attraction to one another.
 
One day at recess I was climbing around the jungle gym like a madman
trying to impress Susan since that is apparently what a young man was
supposed to do for his love. The jungle gym was shaped kind of like a
rocket with the base being wider than the top. She was duly impressed
with my manly strength and skill and I was scoring big points in the
girl department. I was moving around the outside of the top rung of the
bars with my feet about 6 feet off the ground when I lost my footing and
slipped along the outside of the gym towards the ground. On the way down
I remember thinking that this was somewhat embarassing but hitting the
ground would not be so bad. Regretfully, on the way to the ground my
right foot hooked the lowest horizontal bar and the bar slid right up
the inside of my leg until I came to a dead stop, straddling the bar, my
eyes bulged out in disbelief, with the dull ache, nausea and an
indescribable wave of pain overtaking me. I figure I fell a solid four
feet with an immediate stop thanks to the steel bar at the end. I slowly
fell off the bar onto the gravel and immediately curled into a fetal
position, experiencing a pain that I had never known before. Some
dipstick picked this moment to do the right thing and ran to get the
school nurse. So there I am lying on the ground crying in a soprano
voice with Susan watching my misadventures the whole time. The nurse get
there and asks the fatal question, "What hurts?" I wasn't about to tell
the truth so I told her that the inside of my leg got hurt when I hit
the bar. I think she got the hint since she ended up calling my Mom and
I ended up in the emergency room with a bag of ice on the jewels.
Nothing like a nice embarassing grope from a doctor to humiliate an
eight year old!
 
Funny thing, I don't think that Susan and I hung out much after that,
maybe she caught on as well and was too embarassed to look me in the
eye. Luckily the jewels still work to this day, two kids later.