I’ve got a few of them – one celebrity:

1. When I was running track in high school, I had several friends that did the pole vault.  My buddy took one to the hoo-hoos that would make anyone shudder – as he was running toward the pole, he planted firmly and launched about eight (he was trying for 12 or so, but didn’t make it) feet into the air.  On a normal vault, the pole obviously bends AWAY from your body to give you the leverage to fly over the pole.  Unfortunately, said friend did not gain enough leverage.  The pole snapped backwards INTO his body during mid-flight, knocking him square!  It was basically like watching someone take a ten foot plastic slingshot, pulling it alllllll the way back and then letting it go into the jewels.  I’ve never seen anyone cry that much during a sporting event.  I tried to find a video of the “snapback” as we called it, but only found this:

http://www.planetvids.com/html/Pole-Vault-Crotch-Hit.html

2. I went to see the Barenaked Ladies at Smith College around ’95 or so.  At this time, they weren’t ‘big-time’ popular, so it was a very small venue and the rules were lax.  There were signs outside written on chalkboards that said “NO THROWING MACARONI – MACARONI PROHIBITED!” as it was tradition to throw the little, uncooked suckers at the band during “If I Had a Million Dollars”… you know that Kraft Macaroni & Cheese reference.  Nobody bothered to frisk us down for pasta at the door, though (it would’ve been a little too weird, I guess).

Well, the band was ending with “If I Had a Million” and, sure enough, the Kraft Mac & Cheese line came up.  Everyone giddily reached into their pockets for loose pasta and <phoosh!> we rained pasta upon the band.  One ASS, though, had smuggled a full, solid box into the show and hurled it directly at Steven Page’s nutsack!!  Couldn’t believe it (and neither could HE!)!!  It was on the mark and he went down in a heap!  Over the mic, Steven screams, “OOOooooooooh!!!  My f’n baaaaaallllllllllllssssssss!!!”  A huge kudos to the band – not only did they continue playing the song without missing a beat, Steve only took a minute on the ground and eventually got up to finish singing.  I’m pretty sure they kicked the “ASS” out, but why bother… it was the end of the show.  He got his fun.  =P

3. Finally, a girlfriend in college walked straight toward me in our dorm hallway and, without a word, threw her knee into MY hoo-hoos because she thought it’d be funny.  Her friends laughed as I went fetal and nearly vomited.  When asked why the hell she did it, she said something like, “I was bored” and “It couldn’t hurt THAT much.” I later married her.  Three years later divorced her.  All true.  (That one still baffles my friends, especially the ones who saw it.)

- J