DAILY FACT I LEARNED FROM THE TV
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OCTOBER 2006

10/28

Today I found out that another rich nerd has decided to blast themselves out into orbit by buying themselves a ticket on some Russian rocketship (aka a van with some old dentist chairs drilled into the floor strapped to an two outboard boat engines and the whole thing is wrapped in saran wrap and hooked up to a giant rubberband). Somehow I get the feeling that space in orbit is sort of a disappointment. Like the dude will get out there and the big existential moment will be 'I paid $20,000,000 for this? I got a spacesuit filled with my own urine and I'm sucking on some paste that tastes like meat. Rippppoofff.........'

Here's the OG Microsoft nerd who's going into space...

10/25

This morning on the today show I found out which dead celebrities make the most amount of money. Number 5 was Albert Einstein. 4 was John Lennon. 3 was Charles Schulz. 2 was Elvis. And #1 was Kurt Cobain. He got a real boost because Courtney sold off 25% of the Nirvana catalog this year. Man, I guess killing Kurt really paid off for her...

Don't look at me like that! It's true! Even this random person agrees!

10/24

Today some business freak told me that HDTV sales are gonna go nuts around holiday time. Sales haven't been all that great so far because they've been super duper expensive but now that prices are dropping they think people are going to rush out and buy em up. I think the bigger problem with HDTV is I've never met one person who seems thrilled with HDTV unless they only watch sports. There's always something wrong or off or broken about it I hear. Plus you can go blind looking for flaws apparently...

This seems like a harsh benefit...

10/23

Tonite I found out that there's some controversial exhibit out in Oslo which shows animals being gay in nature. Guy giraffe doing it with some other guy giraffe or penguins dudes making out or swan chicks nesting together or male whales on the DL or whatever. I guess the controversy is some people don't believe gayness is natural and think gays go to hell. Not clear if that applies to the giraffes...

Here's a story bout some brainiac who has horse gaydar.

10/22

Today TV told me all about how Ford was betting on atomic cars for a while. They had dumbo plans to build cars that run on atomic energy. Totally with a small nuclear reactor in the trunk and everything! And the car would never need to be refueled. It could just drive for a zillion miles or whatever. I guess some of the safety concerns took it offline. The threat of getting rear-ended might have ended up slightly worse than the Pinto...

Here's some info on the Ford 'Nucleon'

10/21

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. Roscoe got a really bad haircut. They shaved him down because he was kinda matted and had some knots! It's been raining alot! I got in a fight with the guy at the dog haircut place for doing that! Roscoe was sad and I was sad but today is a little better. If it gets cold this month then he's gonna have to wear a dorky jacket! I want to sue! I'm going to have to walk a dog who wears clothing! So pissed! Never going back there! I guess Roscoe doesn't mind but I just want it all to grow back tomorrow please...

Here's some mad people with dog haircut situations...

Look at that dork! WTF!

10/20

Tonite the local news chick with the boobs told me what the most expensive cigar is. Friggin $440 a piece! And if you want one you gotta buy a box of 40! That's over $184,000 for a box! Wait... no it's not. It's like $30,000? Wait let me get the calculator. Ok phew... only $17,600 a box. I'd love for some rapper guy to friggin use it as a blunt. Now that would be a serious mack daddy dickhead!

If you ever wanted to know what a 'blunt' is. Here ya go... (maybe not work safe)

10/19

Gah! No daily fact yesterday! But it wasn't my fault. It was Roscoe's fault. I told him that he can watch tv and if he learns something then that would be the daily fact. So... yknow.

Meanwhile I know I'm late to the game but I've been watching alot of Dog Whisperer! If you're dog does something bad! Let him know that it is bad! Then repeat! Got it! You can watch some of it here...

10/18

Today TV told me that one in eight people are addicted to the internet. That people have withdrawal type symptoms when they're away from the internet for too long being distracted mentally and all that. Eventually they can't think about anything else except being online. Even when they're outside if they see a computer they'll be drawn to it just to jump on and check email or whatever. The guy said most internet addicts are totally in denial. All I know is I'm glad I'm not one of those poor saps... phew...

Here's a quick quiz to test your intermentalness. Uh oh spaghettio.

10/17

I just watched a long show about the first year in Iraq and regardless of everything Donald Rumsfeld has got to be the biggest scumbag jerkface arrogant penisbrain and he deserves to be so super fired for being an incompetent cocky blind oblivious obvious liar bullhead buffoon in denial that the fact that he still sits there behind his stupid dimwit desk with blood on his hands and doody in his underwear is now a national disgrace totally I think so!

Hey! Did you know that Dumbsfeld sold nuclear reactors to North Korea? WTF? Sorry to get all political and stuff but man this guy pisses me off...

10/16

Tonite I found out that there's an actual Cat Show. Like the Westminster Dog Show but for cats. Not sure how it all works because I don't think cats do well on leashes but the winning cat was a minx from Jersey. Apparently it 'wowed the crowd' by standing still on a table and not freaking out and clawing for the eyes when some judge started poking it with a stick or whatever they do to test cats at cat shows.

Cats and laser pointers here! Stuff on my Cat here! Cat Championship site here (note the 'left click' instructions) ! And the last place cat here!

10/15

Today I seen on the news that Coca-Cola is bs-ing some new drink to the market claiming if you drink it-- you'll lose weight. Uh huh. Coke people say it's the 'green tea' or something... or perhaps it's the extract from the glooba glooba plant that will make people burn calories? When asked if they were lying about the weight-loss claim a Coke spokesperson said, "I wouldn't say we're lying per-say... but what's truth these days? Lose weight? Gain weight? It's going to do one of the two! We know that! So shut the hell up! Drink a case of the stuff! See what happens? If it turns out you gain weight from it... then you can probably lose weight later when you go f yourself...."

Here's the slow loading website for Enviga. The latest product from Coke guaranteed to disappear by year's end....

10/14

Ok maybe this doesn't "blow the lid off all facts" but it's kind of coolio. I seen some dudes (probably bored crazy rich kids) are looking to break the record for speedboating around the world. The previous record is 75 days-- which sort of seems like a long time for speeding around the world-- but then again it doesn't... then again it does. Anyway, the way this new boat is going to save time is it's not going to go over the waves--- it's gonna go straight thru the waves. Part boat part sub. Sounds coolio.... and sounds like I'd be green and puking by hour two...

Here's the 'Earthrace' ridicu-boat.

10/13

Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. It was Friday the 13th and I was too scared to get out of bed. Daily fact later today that's going to blow the lid off all facts!!

Here's the Ignoble award winners for your amurusement.

10/12

Ok I'm going to admit something tonight that I feel some shame about but I gotta be honest... (deep breath)... .I like Deal or No Deal! I like it ok! I think it's exciting! I like looking at all the boobs! I think Howie Mandel is bizarrely good! I know it's as dopey as a scratch off game! But I can't help myself! I feel some shame about it! But whatever! I'm hoping it's just a phase...

Dags! I was looking for a link and found the online game! I almost one a million on the first try! Down to two cases! .01 and 1M! Lookee here!

v

Blah! Anyway, first person to send me a screenshot with a million dollar win gets a free coffay cup! Read! Steady! Go!

***Stop the playing we have our winner! Sent in at 12:19AM last night! Congrats to 'Flatted Fifth'! You win a coffay cup! Todd R. was a close second so you win a tile coaster! From cafepress! And to the makers of the Deal or No Deal game... FU! You can't put some friggin fanfare in your stupid game when people win a million? LAME! (Sorry I wouldn't have done it up had I known how lame the million winner would look.) Look at this lameness!

The end? FU! Lazy!

10/11

Hey ladies! This morning on the Today show I seen that a bunch of Marines posed in calendar to raise money for a charity that helps wounded vets. The idea is that they're all macho and stuff and the ladies like the macho so the ladies buy the calendar and the ladies like to look at the calendar and then the money goes to a good place! So hey the ladies! Support wounded vets by looking at the macho!

Here's the link to the calendar... although not sure exactly what that guy is doing in the bushes...

10/10

So I just seen on TV that Yahoo! is going to do something sort of coolio. They're collecting a bunch of images or something and they're going to blast them into out of space on a laserbeam. The idea is that some passing UFO will catch the beam and the aliens will sit around and eat their alien popcorn called Flouk 3 Flouk Cheddar-- (the cheddar part is just a coincidence) and they'll watch the images and laugh at what jerks we are. Then the aliens will come down and go on Letterman and explain how we can stop being jerks and we'll finally get it and fix the planet and we'll all agree on stuff then we'll throw giant global party called 'The Hug' which is rockin because of the teleport technology which the aliens give us. Basically you can walk through a door in NYC club and go straight into another club in Egypt. You can take your drink and everything....

Here goes the capsule....

10/9

Ok tonite I watched Studio 60 for the last time because I don't care about the love story and they talk too fast-- but less importantly, TV told me that scientists in Denmark did something weird. They apparently teleported some like light or matter or something sciency. They did a zip! and it zoomed 18 inches and then they did a zap! and there it was over yonder. Dude on TV said trekkies should start popping boners over it because real teleportation is like a quamillion zillion years away and even then it won't be that popular because most people will reappear as some sort of colorful snorty pulp with toes.

Here go some coolio pulp covers...

10/8

So tonite 60 Minutes told me about that whole HP spy scandal thing. I felt kind of bad for the CEO chick who got all in trouble. Sounds like the guys on the HP board were a bunch of real dicks. The guy who (Tom Perkins) got busted leaking information is now cruising around on the most expensive ($100M) sailboat ever built while the CEO chick is all up in court getting the once over. I don't know... anyone who thinks the best thing to do with $100 friggin,000,000 is build this floating POS has got to be a dick.

Check out the <cough bad name> Maltese Falcon...

10/7

Sorry no daily fact yesterday. Fridays are always extra lazy I guess. I'll try to be better. It's weird. I'm a bandwagon type of sports fan. When local teams go to the playoffs I jump on board. But I gotta admit. Being a half-assed New York fan sometimes is extra excellent. The Yankees lose. Whatever. That's ok. Because the Mets won. And now I'm a Mets fan. Boom done. Go Mets! Yankees are boring anyway!

No matter what people say about Yankee fans... at least they never look (and spell) like this...

10/5

Tonite the local news big boobed broadcaster broad told me that smoking weed might actually help prevent Alzheimer's disease. Something in pot sort of I don't know does a chemical thing and it keeps things in order upstairs or something. Sort of weird that something that usually makes you forget everything... can keep you really from forgetting everything.

Was Popeye smoking weed this whole time?

10/4

Today is 10/4. 10-4, good buddy!

Anyway, I just saw one of the worst commercials I've ever seen. (Of course I'm sure it's better in theory than a commercial that washes over without a second thought)-- But this commercial was just outstandingly terrible. It was for a new Burger King sandwich with "shrooms" that claims to "make people sit". Like they hand someone the shroom burger and the person has to "sit". Then the creepy guy yells at everyone, 'You're full of sit!' Swear. WTF? You really want to reference a illegal hallucinogenic and a sh*t pun in your commercial? Worst commercial of this century.

Why do we get some dork telling us we're full of sit-- And New Zealanders get this!!? What's wrong with America!!

10/3

So tonite TV told me that the government is sponsoring (yet another) robot contest. They're looking for a robot car that can navigate through traffic in a city or something. First car that can do some sort of weave-y obstacle course wins a million dollars or something. It sounds like it's just a matter of time before the government sponsors their first reality show. But they gotta come up with better ideas! Friggin robot car? Hello? 1985 called. They want their idea back...

I guess this is what they want the future to look like. Here's the real govt thing. And this is something that probably motivates robots to take over the world.

10/1

So apparently some nerd somewhere got obsessed with the famous Neil Armstrong quote, 'One small step for man... One giant leap for mankind.' Even though people like to ignore it- that quote is dopey. It should be 'One small step for a man...' Otherwise it sort of makes no sense. Neil says he said it right but it didn't transmit clearly. Anyway, this audio nerd has been analyzing the original recording and claims he can hear the A or knows where it got lost or something...

I don't know. I don't hear it. And I find it hard to believe the transmission didn't go through because everyone knows the moon landing was filmed in Pasadena.

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