Sorry no fact today. I was out trick or treating with nephews and ain't seen no tv yesterday. But it was Halloween! So here's the Halloween kill count...


I found out that back in the day Hawaiians had some pretty strict environmental laws. To keep balanced with nature they protected certain species of fish or animals around mating season or whatever. If stocks got depleted they'd hold off on fishing that fish till the fish restocked.  The punishment for catching fish during a protected or sacred time? Death by strangulation. Done and done. Yeeaah Poiii!

Here's smore info on the long lost Hawaiian Kapu system.


Tonite I seen on the TV that the military is developing a super slippery crowd control gel. If there's some angry scary mob or whatever the cops or soldiers will spray this gel around that's impossible to walk on. Which turns the angry scary mob into a funny goofball mob that yell curses as they slip around all stupid- till they sit on the ground and become a pouty mob.

Here's some civilian job openings at the Department of Defense.


I saw some yenta on tv today talking about how dogs are into yoga. She claims that when dogs get into weird positions that they're actually doing a form of dog yoga. Like when your dog lies on its back with its paws in the air- it's doing a yoga pose. It has nothing to do with wanting to get a belly scritchy scratch. And when your dog wakes up and does that stretch where it sticks it's butt in the air. That that's yoga too. At least that's what the yenta said...

Here's that butt in the air pose (Adho Mukha Svanasana) and why it's good for ya.


Tonite I done found out the truth about the Pied Piper of Hamelin. The story goes that this dude came to town and played the flute or whatever to get the rats outta town. And when the town stiffed him he played a different tune and got the kids to follow him out of town. The true story is that Hamelin was sort of a sucky rat infested place and at one point a bunch of teenagers said 'Screw this friggin place!' and left. So the elder Hamelinites were like 'Uch! They ditched us... what should we tell everyone? We gotta make something up...!' Or so the legend goes...

Here goes some brit who really digs their rats..


I seen on the tv tonite that marketing people are getting sneaky on us by doing 'undercover marketing'. Sony planted tourists on the street and asked people to take their picture with their picture/cellphone thing. Then the person who takes the picture says, 'Cool camera...' and they say, 'Yup...' it's a Sony whatever. Also they're doing things like sticking hot chicks in bars with a certain brand of cigarette and pushing them on smokers telling them how cool they (you) are. Great...

Here be some marketing flops for ya.


This might be old news but it's the first I heard of it. On the news tonite some lawyer was talking bout stupid lawsuits mentioned one about this dude who bought a mobile home or something and was driving down the highway and he set his cruise control then went in the back to make a sandwich. The thing went off the road and crashed and he claimed that the dealership didn't explain that cruise control wasn't 'auto-pilot'. He won like 1.7M..

Here goes a whole bunch of stupid lawsuits.


I found out today that they're starting up some pre-crime. Like in Minority Report. Kinda sorta. Basically they're taking a look at criminals genes to see if there's a pattern there that may genetically drive pre-criminals to become criminal criminals. Then after they find the pattern I guess they're gonna get three weirdos and throw them in a pool and they'll make noises or whatever while hooked up to the gahzanger or whatever

It's easy to predict stuff. Like I predict you will click on this link


I watched some rugby tonite on channel 122. The US was playing Scotland. I couldn't figure out what the hell was going on at all. I really tried to. Part of the problem was the announcers volume was lower than the crowd noise. So I could only catch a word here or a word there usually. But when I could hear the announcers clearly, they like talked at the same time over each other and about completely different things and I think they had different accents. Then the crowd noise came back up and it was back into confusion. All aspects were a big mess. 

Here goes USA schoolin the Aussies in some wheelchair rugby .


I seen on the tv today that there's this new thing called Kangaroo TV. It's like for like spectators of live car racing. Kangaroo TV is like a little tv you wear around your neck and you can watch live video of the ongoing race while you're at the event. I bet if I showed up at a NASCAR race with one of those things someone would yell 'Nerd!!' and huck a full cup of beer at me. Like a dick! But after there's a spectacular crash and I'm watching the replay over and over and over on my little tv thing we'll see who wants to be friends with the big nerd! Everyone! That's who! And I'd show the video to everyone in the stands too! Except for the guy who called me a nerd and threw a cup of beer at me! Let's see who'll feels stupid then mister toughguy beerhucker!! Let's see who'll be laughing then! Me! The beer soaked nerd! That's who! (or is it whom?)

Here's goes the nerdly kangaroo tv thing.


On the tv tonite I saw some people wandering around Singapore and they stopped in some place to eat a local dish called 'Fish Head Curry'. It's a dish originally created by the poor in Singapore who couldn't afford the rest of the fish. But now it's a popular dish. They said the eyes of the fish is considered a delicacy. I was kind of grossed out and was like what's up with Singapore peeps all eating up fish eyes. Then I realized I could flip channels and watch Americans eating raw pig uterus and live maggots on Fear Factor. Which culture is more kooky?

Fishheads, fishheads, curry, curry, fish heads. Eat them up. Yum.


Tonite the tv told me about this new type of lower back treatment called Vax-D. Some chiropractors are standing by it but 'doctor' doctors want more proof. The idea is the same as the medieval rack. Just lay down on the thing and it stretches you out till it fixes your back or something like that. If it feels like that thing like where you cross your arms and then someone grabs you from behind and bounces you up and down on their chest till you get the good crackies.... I'm in. 

Here's more info about Vax-D on their sucky looking website.


Today I learned about a top secret project called Project Ajax (ok it's not really super top secret considering I saw it on television) but the idea is that the government has already developed aircraft that can fly up to 16x the speed of sound. The way they do that is by magneto-hydro-dynamic-propusion (MHD). So I could remember the term I had to say 'magnetohydrodynamicpropusion magnetohydrodynamicpropusion..' to myself over and over as I walked to the computer (12 steps maybe).  It's like playing the telephone game... but by yourself.

Here's a whole bunch of plane stuff from the NASA site which was kinda cool to poke around at.


I found out about toad licking today. Certain toads secrete a venom that makes the nervous system all loopy, causing hallucinations and other side effects. The toads use the venom in emergency situations like if they're gonna be eaten or whatever and animals get the message that they're poisonous to not eat. All animals except the stonahomosapian species who ignores the message because they're in search of a 'bigger message' ...packaged with purty colors. 

Here's a poem about them toad lickers.


Ok no fact for this day. I was running around all day all mental and then I went out last night and got back sort of late. But I watched some tv late nite while lying in bed eating raisin bran and I remember seeing a really interesting fact. I decided I was gonna put it up on the site in the morning. Right before I fell asleep my brain said to me, 'Surely you should write that fact down before you go to sleepyland...' And I was like, 'I do not need to write that down before sleepyland! I'm not gonna forget!  And stop calling me, Shirley!' Needless to say. No fact today.

Here's a song that says 'I'm sorry... ' alot


I guess the fact of the day today has to be that the curse of the bambino goes on and on as curses do. I'm tired and can't think of anything particularly funny to say about the curse. Here's a little history about the curse.

And here's something Boston people can do to for next year... 


So I found out today that Hitler probably had Parkinson's disease. The tv showed me some rare video with Hitler's left hand all shaky. Then after that he always held one hand with the other hand always unless he was doing the dopey heil hitler thing. Then after that he just stayed inside and started rushing plans for his takeover of Europe making alot of very choice bad decisions. Maybe cause he felt like he was running out of time or the disease got the upperhand or whatever.

Here he goes back in the day in a Homes & Gardens layout


So dude on tv today told me that the number of UFO sightings over Brazil has increased alot over the last decade or so. Dude said something about how it might have something to do with the rainforest. Because we're like burning the rainforest down when UFOs come to visit the planet they see this huge amount of smoke and fire and go 'Hey Mo! That must be where stuff is going down down there! Let's check it out.' Or whatever it sounds like when aliens say that...

Probably sounds something like this here.


Today I learnt about this haunted place called the Lighthouse Inn. Two girls died there as kids and now they roam around playing in the halls and stuff. They also said that one of the ghost girls is scared of the dark and when you shut off the lights she might seek comfort by crawling into bed and snuggling up with you. Apparently the ghost kids are real friendly and all but I'm not sure if that's the place to go if you want a relaxing vacation... Unless it's relaxing for you to wake up in the middle of the night yelling 'Ahhh! What the f**k!!!"

But if Haunted Lighthouses are your thing there are plenty to choose from..


The tv today told me about dickheaded drivers in Russia. If you have a blue light on top of your car you can break any traffic law you want. Driving the wrong way down a one way street. Speed in reverse through a schoolzone. Do donuts in Red Square. Whatever. At first the blue lights were for like emergency vehicles or government officials. But now these blue lights are all over the place because peeps who got the right connections and/or fundage can get a blue light of their very own. Regular unlighted people are mad and brewing up road rage russian style.

Here goes a page all about the Russian car called the "Lada"


I seen on the tv tonite something bout sea cucumbers. They travel around usually with two crabs. One in its mouth for whatever reason and one on its back for cleaning up the outside. But when a predator comes along and tries to eat the crab hanging out outside the cucumber. The crab runs and hides up the sea cucumbers butt. Sea cucumbers are weird. Scaredy crabs hide in the cucumbutt.

Here's a song from the Butthole Surfers.


Sorry ain't no fact here for this day. Was one of those days when all of a sudden it was tomorrow. It wasn't my fault.

Here go a scapegoat.


The tv told me about this new handgun for cops. It's called the VLe and it's a "smart gun". It's all computerized up.  It can identify the owner by their thumb and will not function for anyone else. It can switch settings like a star trek phaser for stun or kill. Stun will shoot beanbags. Also it audio talks to you and says if the safety is on or not or whatever. Runs on Windows XP and sometimes it freezes up or crashes at the worst time and you gotta empty out the chamber, click safety on and off, then reload.  Mac version will be available in 8 months.

Always dreamed of having your very own gun range? Get out your Discover card!


Tonite I learnt that Bigfoot has a southern cousin. It's called the Florida Skunk Ape. And it wanders around in the swamp being all mysterious and smelly. Dudes who hang out in the swamp swear up and down that thars skunk apes wandering around them parts stinking up the swamp extra. Due to my new found fear of stinky skunk apes I am canceling my next swamp vacation. 

Ahhh! Skunk Ape! Run away! Smelly! Smelly and scary!


Today I done seen this show about 'laughter clubs'. One day this dude in Mumbai, India looked around the town and was like, 'Dudes around here don't laugh enough..' So he set up a club where people can go to laugh and do yoga. Stand around swing arms around and laugh and stuff. At first people laughed at the laughter clubs but now the people in the laughter clubs are all healthier and stuff so now the people in the clubs laugh extra hard. Hardy har har! Get it? Ok...stupid joke. So don't laugh! Whatever.. go to a club.

Here be a listing of laughter clubs if you wanna go laugh it up.


Tonite on football I learnt about a rule penalty type thing. It's called 'leaping'. The official rule is something like you can't jump up and try to block a fieldgoal attempt and land on the back of another player.... or something. The ref weirdly busted it out in monday night football and it caused the whole stadium to chant 'Bullshit! Bullshit!' It's always funny to hear a whole stadium yell 'Bullshit!' on the tv. (Except if you are a Bucs fan. In which case it wasn't so funny and you were chanting 'bullshit!' at the tv too last nite. That sucked totally.)

Here's a little computer ref to show you the official signals


I found out by watching the tv today that George Bush's grandfather, Prescott, secretly dug up the body of the famous Apache 'Geronimo' and stole the skull and then secretly shipped it off to Yale where the secret guys in secret Skull and Bones society keep it secret like do weird secret rituals with it and other secret stuff and stuff. 

Here's the list of the members of that secret society (aka Lambda Lambda Lambda)


This Guest Daily Fact has been brought to you by Jay C! He done told me that there's a professional competitive jumprope association and all that. There's like team competitions, double dutch, and like synchronized jump roping or something. That was really the only fact that was worth mentioning. So I guess that's the fact jack. Thanks to Jay C for writing in with a decent fact. For the most part people just wrote in with jokes about Roy.

Here's a link to jumprope site.


I found out today that there's like an elephant problem in Kenya. Now that they've sort of been fenced off and contained in reservations (they were stomping around and eating crops and stuff so they got all corralled). They're making too many baby elephants for the amount of space they have. Some environmental peeps tried elephant birth control to keep the numbers down but working with 'the elephant condom' proved far too dangerous to apply (Just kidding.  They tried using darts or something.)

Here's a friggin annoying tourist telling his 'elephant ride' story. (it kind of put me in a mood so skip it if yer in a good mood). And what PETA is doing about that whole scene. If yer heading to Thailand. Skip the ride.


Today the tv told me where Christina Aguilaiariria buys her underwear and how much she pays for it. Finally I feel complete. The place she gets em is called 'Agent Provocateur' (dopey name) and Christina pays like $250 for each pair of underwear (dopey chick). I checked out Agent Provocateur and found out the Rolling Stones sold out to them with "Rolling Stones inspired" underwear. My underwear isn't Rolling Stones inspired... My underwear is GWAR inspired!!  (I'm not sure what that means either but it sounds funny in my head.)

Here's the history of GWAR. And here's girls prancing around in their Rolling Stones underwear. Whichever floats your boat...


I found out today about the Hubble Telescope Heritage Project. Basically Hubble's all flying around taking pictures of stuff in outerspace or whatever so the guys at homebase thought alot of the pictures were coolio and put together a gallery where you can vote on your favorite one and do whatever or whatever. Alot of em are kind of cool. Alot look suspiciously like photoshop mockups stuff. Anyway..

here are my favorites... this one... this one... this one... and this one... and this one... and this one. Oh and these two here...  and here's the rest of em.

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