May 27 2010

Screw You, Aquafresh Iso-Active Whitening!

I don’t have much brand loyalty when it comes to toothpaste. I like to bounce around. Different kind every time. I buy into all the promises too. Extra White Super Light Bright. Extra Plaque Killer Cinnamon Blaster. Double Enamel Scope Reinforced Minty Mint. Whatever the hell. I remember years ago I asked my Dad (now retired dentist) which toothpaste was best. He said, ‘The one with fluoride…’ That was that. But I like trying different brands and I also like different packaging. Tubes. Standup plastic things. Weirdo dispensers. Whatever.

Anyway, the other day I was in the drug store staring at toothpastes for 10 minutes when I decided to pull the trigger on *New* Aquafresh Iso-Active Whitening.

iso-active

Worst. Toothpaste. Ever. First off the packaging is dumb! It’s in a metal can that feels like shaving cream. And it dispenses like shaving cream but stupidly. Like a streamy gel that turns into gross foam. Plus, you can’t control how much is going on your toothbrush! It just spurts out random willy nilly! You gotta push down hard just to get anything going– and once it goes it’s too late!

And at night if you don’t turn the light on you have zero idea how much is coming out! You push down on the top and it comes out in this terrible stream spurt which ends up everywhere! It’s all over my sink and back of my sink! Look at that photo (above) Imagine that wildly splattered all over your bathroom! Plus it hardens like a rock!

AND as a toothpaste it sucks too! It’s like weirdly gritty or something and it tastes unrefreshing totally! And then for a bonus when you put this stupid toothpaste back on the sink it’s got toothpaste mess all dribbled down the side of the can so it looks like crap! People come over my place and must immediately think, ‘Oh man, here’s a guy who can’t control his toothpaste at all! Sad.’ It’s a friggin embarrassment!

Aquafresh in the past has been a solid go-to toothpaste but this is fuckin bullshit Aquafresh dickheads! Motto on the can is ‘Works Beyond Paste’. Works how? Works as Silly String? AND you can’t tell how much is left in the can either! It’ll run out one day with no warning! The whole thing is a disaster!

Get it while you can because I guarantee you won’t see this garbage product on the shelves three months from now! Epic Fail Aquacocks! I’m gonna buy friggin Arm & Hammmer Baking Soda grossness out of spite next time to spite myself and you! I hate that gross baking soda toothpaste– but it’s one-upping your crap product! In your face, Aquassholes!

ok bye!
tOdd

PS. btw Iso-Active?! What kind of BS term is that?! Iso… Active. F… U.

PPS. Got the message about the swearing thing. I’ll be mindful when I get angry…

54

KittyKarin says:

A bad toothpaste can indeed ruin your day. That vanilla flavored one that was out a while ago was disgusting…. Why can’t they just stick to mint, old fashioned paste? Stay with what works!

Zook says:

I have noticed that you have been using more profanity in your posts … doesn’t bug me, I’m just sayin’.

Angry Man says:

I gotta agree with Zook. There’s been a lot more swearing over the last couple of months. This site is becoming much less family friendly. Almost as if there is another writer involved. Perhaps a ghost writer filling the gaps while Todd is busy on paid work? … just sayin’…

JV says:

I don’t know. I think Iso Active is ok. The only problem I have with it is that it leaks out way after I’ve used it and gets all over the cap and can. Other than that I’ve been happy with it.

The Signal [Shadow Supporter] says:

You may be right Angry Man, but then again Todd’s getting older and when you get older you have to vent. I think there needs to be balance.

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

What profanity?

Seriously, I think Todd may be letting smallish things like idiotic toothpaste get to him more than in the past. Makes for interesting reading, but really… maybe take a deep breath and relax or something? Life’s too short…

Just sayin’… if I’m out of line I’m sorry, let me know.

Goats says:

I empathize with you Todd! I was going to buy that! Thanks for the BIG warning! Strong language welcome by me all the time–since that’s how I talk! Fuck yeah!!!!

Josh says:

Dito on the profanity, what’s up with that?

CaptainBob says:

Yeah… but without the profanity there wouldn’t be such gold as “Aquacocks!”
I laughed out loud at that.

G says:

to the first poster, I actually like the crest vanilla and usually buy that now. It’s a nice change and you can drink something afterwards without it tasting like minty crap.

Pleepleus says:

Whoever said this was a “family friendly” website? Do any of you dumbasses remember the first cartoon? Do boobs in your face ring a bell? F-off, and stop trying to control other people. This is his place on the interwebs and if you don’t like it, get the f-out!!!

momo says:

I second this!!

Anonymous says:

Amen!!!

Truth says:

CLAP CLAP CLAP

Thank you.

[email protected]#$%&*^! says:

I swear a lot so I like the profanity. Also agree that this is not supposed to be a family-friendly site at all. I have two little kids and I wouldn’t have wanted them checking out this site from the get-go–but I’m here every day.

I use nothing but AIM toothpaste. Has flouride, tastes okay and it has the added benefit of being cheap! says:

I use nothing but AIM toothpaste. Has flouride, tastes okay and it has the added benefit of being cheap!

oddtodd7 says:

I think it’s really the last two posts have had extra swearing (maybe bc I was mad at the carrots AND mad at the toothpaste)– but I’ll be mindful… 🙂

Truth says:

Whoever said this was a “family friendly” website? Do any of you dumbasses remember the first cartoon? Do boobs in your face ring a bell? F-off, and stop trying to control other people. This is his place on the interwebs and if you don’t like it, get the f-out!!! — Pleepleus

That reminds me. I don’t think Todd has had boobs in his face lately. That’s probably why he’s swearing more.

Josh says:

Wasn’t saying he couldn’t swear, just wondering why its increased lately.

p.s Pleepleus, you definitely need to check your shorts i think they are to tight.

RB says:

I actually liked this toothpaste.

Also I’ve been a big fan of OddTodd since you first came on the talk shows many moons ago. Now I am an unemployed programmer.

Anonymous says:

I like the swearing. Keep doing it!

Mike in TX says:

One question, who brushes his teeth in the dark??

Ginger says:

Why Mike, do you need the light for everything???? Hqave you not brushed your teeth before? How hard can it be to do that in the dark? I’ve done it. Grow some balls!

mike says:

The not knowing how much is left in the can is a huge design flaw.

bird says:

lettin’ rip with a good dose of potty mouth is very therapeutic–have at it, tOdd!

who needs light to brush their teeth? you can’t find your own mouth with your toothbrush in the dark??! i hate to imagine what happens when the power goes out and you have to take a shit–how will you see to wipe??

***don’t use crest–proctor & gamble does animal testing with its products. totally sucks.

Anonymous says:

A heads up, NEVER by Tom’s toothpaste from TraderJoes, it’s like grouting cock… ‘cock!’

Just sayin' says:

We use Tom’s toothpaste and love it! Just don’t get the paste- get the gel version. Much better!

Lana says:

I was totally thinking of getting this toothpaste. Nevermiiiiind, haha. Thanks for the heads up.

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

You know if it tastes like doody it must be good for you.

Katie says:

Epic Fail Aquacocks! I’m gonna buy friggin Arm & Hammmer Baking Soda grossness out of spite next time to spite myself and you!

Hahahahahah, I love you Todd. Don’t cut down on the swearing

Angry Man says:

Hey Pleepleus, get the sand out of your vagina. I’m not telling anyone how to do anything, just making a comment that the tone of the site has changed lately. And what is family un-friendly about boobs in the face??

Pleepleus says:

There, I just douched and put on some oversized boxers, much better. Funny that someone who calls themself “Angry Man” would tell someone else to chill out. Any who, does Todd’s swinging schlong deter you from letting the kids view the site? Great parenting guy, after your done washing the double wide, remember it’s time to go pick up your 12 year old at the strip club.

The Signal says:

Exactly! If a busty woman came up to me and asked for a hug, am I going refuse? Hell no! Pleepleus you need to grow some balls!

Krankor says:

My favorite toothpaste has:

Flouride
Whitening
Squeeze Tube
On Sale Half Off
Any Brand

Other than the above, I don’t think about it.

K

Anonymous says:

i use sensodyne cuz my teefs are super sensitive. the sensodyne A-holes also roped me in with the new coolio shaving creme can and i agree it SUCKS! it spits out toothpaste all over the side which is a total waste of product and i cant figure out how much is left either. i am back to tubes and i plan on complaining to the company.

Zook says:

Maybe less about the cursing and more about the tone shift … I wasn’t gonna use the term ghost writer – but hmmmm.

Lorelei says:

Aw, bummer. I hate the pimping of pumpness for any product that shouldn’t require it. Toothpaste, for frucksake?? And Aquafresh? The only brand I can use at this point cos all others have some chemical in em that makes my mouth peel?? *sigh*

When you get over flippin the bird to the Aquacocks, I highly recommend trying their line of ‘Extreme Clean’ toofpaste. Comes in yer standard, ho-hum tubeness.

oddtodd7 says:

LOL! Ghost writers…

stef says:

Todd you are so hilarious when you get angry. I love your swearing, it’s creative and hilarious and I can totally sense the indignation.

Mr. Bukkake From His Mom's Basement says:

Iso-Active?

Miso Horny.

The Shadow says:

Getting off on the paste, huh Mr. Bukkake?

Mr. Bukkake From His Mom's Basement says:

I rub it all over my… um never mind.

pharmacy technician says:

nice post. thanks.

Anannymouse says:

GEEZ TODD!! NO GODAMN FUCKIN BULSHIT SWEARING! I WON’T FUCKING TOLERATE IT, MUTHERFUCKIN PIG SHIT SNOT!! ONLY LOSERS SWEAR! TITS!

On 2nd thought, swear all you like. It don’t bother me none, and for those of you who is bothered by it, don’t read it.

Putzy says:

This toothpaste sucks. It always ends up all over the sink

MsM says:

I LIKE the Arm & Hammer Baking Soda toothpaste. I am addicted. I have withdrawal with any other kind without baking soda. It’s getting harder to find because everyone keeps getting sucked into buying bad toothpaste in shaving cream cans.

Lois says:

Arm and Hammer is all I buy. They have several types and they’re not gross at all. They’re less expensive and work better, if you ask me. And they don’t have that yucky baking soda taste like they used to. Guess they wized up on that.

Zedek says:

Yo, tOdd! I’m reading your site. I think the new blog system will keep me here.

I say go with Tom’s of Maine Toothpaste. It tastes weird at first, but once you get used to it it’s the best.

earp says:

Introducing Aquacock toothpaste in a can! Fun for kids and grownups alike!
Its revolutionary new design is perfect for those toothpaste fights with your sister!
Just imagine her surprise when she starts a toothpaste fight with her old boring tube paste, then all of a sudden there you are with Aquacock’s patented “Projectopaste” nozzle in a can!!
You’ll have little sister crying and running to go tell mom in a flash!!!
So pick yourself up a case of Aquacock’s latest thing it’s just flying off the shelves!!!!!!!!!!

Tracy says:

Todd-
I tried this too, and I HATED IT! It foams up all weird in your mouth then immediately goes flat. And what annoyed me most was the post-use dribblefrom the nozzle. Nothing like starting each morning by breaking off the toothpaste crust – gross. Never finished it out – threw it away half full.

DaveO says:

That toothpaste is poo. It doesn’t stop coming out after you stop pushing the button. And it gets all gunky and clogged on the top. Not a fan.

physical therapist says:

Valuable info. Lucky me I found your site by accident, I bookmarked it.

Mr Bill says:

Plain crest mint paste in a tube. All the other “whitening” crap just agitates your gums.

Ash-lay says:

Totally sucks. I saw this awesome commercial for it about “foaming action” and “kills 3x more bacteria” and was psyched. Nope. It tastes horrible- like a weird gaseous smell or something… chemical. No minty, no fresh. And it gets EVERYWHERE all over the container. It’s gross. I gave it to the hubs as a cast off, and he proceeds to use it- and it makes me gag every time I see the crustiness all over his sink, all over the tube. Never again, Aquafresh.

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