Tonite I saw a new combo sport that I'll never try because I can do neither. It's called 'kiteboarding'. Basically you hook up some kind of super kite to your wakeboard or surfboard or whatever and let the kite drag you around and all that. Like kite waterskiing. Kinda cool but seems like a hassle. I bet if I tried it I'd end up hanging upsidedown from some tree like 100 yards on shore... and bears would use me to play tetherball.
I guess the sport is bigger than I thought. Here's a cool magazine site for it. (my popup stopper blocked it)
TV told me tonite that General Mills is switching all of its cereals to be made with "whole grains". I'm still not really sure what whole grains really are but I know if I'm a kid I'm liking it less. The good news is that the sugar count will remain just as high so kids can stay high off the sugar highs while bumming out about whole grain situation. General Mills says it wants people to be more healthy. Nutritional people say it's only a gimmick thing to make people believe they're being more healthy while snarfing down (or is it snarfing up?) a bowl of Lucky Charms.
Here's one of those sites that I just can't understand how it actually exists.
Today I got some bad news. I heard that the powers that be are gonna force us all to wear moon boots this winter. Apparently that's the plan. Remember the old moon boots? Well the tv said you're gonna be buying them again real soon. The newslady on the tv said, 'If someone like Mark Jacobs (whoever that is) is planning to launch a line of moon boots... it's a serious fashion statement!' Isn't 'serious fashion statement' an oxymoron?... especially when you're talking bout moon boots? Anyway, screw dem moon boots! Bring back freezy freakies!!
Check out these awesome robotmitts!!!
Here's an audio explanation as why there is no daily fact here.
Today I found out that there's a new weightlessness business out there. For $3000 you can go up in a plane that like divebombs or whatever it has to do to make things all weightless and you float around. Some chick on tv who tried it weightlessly threwup but she says it was still totally worth the money. No word about refunds for the people who got thrown up on while enjoying their weightlessness.
Here's where you sign up for a whole new experience in nausea.
This morning I found out about Bartlett Pears. First off, pears shouldn't be left on the tree to ripen. They should always be picked when they're green or else they turn gritty. So pick em green and let them ripen in a brown paper bag. Not the fridge. If you wanna check to see if a pear is ripe push in on the stem area with your thumb. That should be a little soft. The pear should be eaten when it turns yellow. If it has some brown spots that's ok. That's just the sugar coming through. It's not all brown and gross underneath like apples. That is what I learnt about pears today.
Here's a poem about pears that starts off sweet and then goes off the rails a little.
Tonite I saw that some geeks are busy developing 'gestural interface technology'. It's just like in Minority Report when dudes interacted with computers by like waving their hands around to control what gets projected on the screen. So some day instead of sitting on your butt at your computer with your clunky old mouse. Eventually you'll be able to stand there and wave your hands and arms around to surf the web. Great.
Check out this one legged dude going off on DDR.
Gah! Where was today's daily fact? Where'd it go? It seemed to have disappeared! Or maybe it wasn't here ever. Hmm.. Or was it? I don't remember. It's all very mysterious. Did someone hack into my site and delete it and slip away? But for why? Was it offensive? Did it contain profanity and link to hard core porn? Is that why? Did some hacker hack in and do us all a favor? Or for some... an anti-favor?
Maybe it was Rachel! She looks motorcycle mysterious sorta! What's she all satisfied about? A successful hack perhaps?!
Tonite I found out that they're working on this patch for women to make them horny and stuff if they lose their sex drive. It's like the patch for smokers but instead it's like the horny patch. I guess that's a good thing-- but of course you know dudes in bars are gonna be slapping them on chicks backs like a 'kick me' sign.
What sex is your brain? I'm like a half and half or something...
Nay daily fact yesterday. I was running around town most of the day and when I got home got in the bed and watched some TV for a bit and learnt a couple of things and assumed I'd remember something by this morning but I ain't rememberered nothing.
Here are some talking dogs.
Tonite I found out about a place to live that I would not like to live. It's in the North Cemetary in Manila. Basically there's like millions of people in the city but not a heck of alot of space ...so people just started moving into the cemetery. People built houses ontop of tombs and like live in crypts and stuff. There's like a whole community in there now with stores and restaurants. People are nice to each other for the most part because there's a big fear of evil spirits and curses and stuff.
Anyway, I don't want to live there.
Ok maybe this isn't a 'fact' fact but it's the only thing I done learnt from the tv today. I've decided that the Surreal Life on VH1 is the best show on the tv right now. For some reason I get more excited to watch that trainwreck than anything else. I like Flava Flav but I don't like the American Idol girl. I don't remember her name. And I like Charo alot but I don't like Justin Knight. Anyway, that's all I got today.
But here's a track from when PE was in full effect, boyee...
Today tv showed me something called Geocaching. It's a new thing that hikers are playing. It's like a treasure hunt hike. Basically you take your GPS device and have certain coordinates to hike to and when you get to the spot there's like a little chest of stuff. You open it up and you can take something as long as you replace it with something else. Like if you take the pack of beef jerky you can replace that with a baseball hat or whatever. But now that geocaching is getting popular I'm sure the dickheads will come out of the woodwork do dicky stuff like take something cool out of the chest... and leave their urine in exchange.
If you wanna go geocaching here ya go. No dickheads allowed.
Tonite I found out about a new pickup truck that costs like $100,000 and is giant size and weighs twice as much as a Hummer. I think it gets .3 miles per gallon. Y'know what, if you see this thing all shiny and new at a shopping mall parking lot, just take out your keys and key 'pussywagon' right into the side of it. And if the dorky owner gets mad and asks why you did that... just blame it on me.
Look at this thing. If it's not work related, who has the balls to drive this now?
Sorry no daily fact yesterday.... actually I'm not sorry! I give daily facts every ding dong day! Including Sunday! If I miss a day I don't owe a sorry! I owe an oops! I forgot to put up a fact yesterday! So shit! Oops!
Today I seen the cigarette companies are working hard to get kids to start smoking. There's like a whole new line of flavored cigarettes with colorful hip packaging.. Cool names too like Twista Lime, Kauai Kolada and Caribbean Chill! Perfect for kids! Just like candy! Way to go big tobacco! Ya big early bird scum scummers!
The Truth site is coolio but jeez louise... what a friggin mess...
Tonite tv told me why pink flamingos are pink. They stand around eating these like shrimp things all day and the shrimp are pink and that's all they eat so then they turn pink and that's why. I also learned that they can drink like boiling hot water or something. I wish we had flamingos in the city. Wild flamingos that would like hang out hanging upsidedown from trees. And you could walk up to one and slap its head and it would do a loop da loop around the branch. That would be kind of cool.
Here's why we have lawn flamingos (well some of us do).
Today TV showed me a smart crow. A crow so smart that it learned to crack a walnut by bringing it a crosswalk and leaving it in the middle of the street. When the light turned green a car ran over it, breaking it open. Then the crow waited until the light changed again and he went out there to eat it. I don't like it when animals get tricky. Makes me think they're hiding plans and plots.
Here's some dopes talking dopey talk.
TV told me stuff about blue whales today. I found out that blue whales have the loudest voices of anything on the planet ever. If a whale gives out a call in Bermuda it can be heard all the way in friggin Iceland by another whale and they can have a conversation of sorts going back and forth hundreds of miles with their calls. Recently the NOAA developed system to actually translate what the whales are saying to each other. I found a site that provides audio translations. Here ya go.
(translation #1) (translation #2)
Today I watched two hours about the World Trade Center but I really didn't learn anything particularly new or interesting. I wanted to get a good WTC fact for today but tv didn't come through. The only thing I learned today from tv is when dogs pee on the ground and then scratch at the dirt they're not doing that to cover up their tracks. They're actually adding to their scent with the sweat gland scent found in their paws. To make the scent extra unique or something. But I didn't want to put up a fact about dog tracks today.
This Pentagon flash has been going around but in case you haven't seen...
Sorry no fact yesterday I headed outta town to hang with my parents and then I played poker all night with some friends and I lost money instead of going home and watching the tv. Fact from today will be soon. Because I have a headache and I'm gonna sit on the couch and drink tea.
Here's how you play poker if you ain't know how no how.
Tonite Len Berman (our local sports nbc news guy) showed me a new sport that I think I might actually be good at. The sport is called 'lacrosse' (pronounced Lah-Cross) and it's played with these net sticks and... just kidding.. I know about lacrosse and I'm sure I would suck at it. The sport that I think I'd be good at is called Lawn Mower racing! I could start my own Lawn Mower Racing Association right here in Brooklyn! Since the streets are trafficy during the day we'd just race at night. Like 3AM. Round and round the block all night. People would love it! They'd cheer from the windows!
Here's what you look like after racing a lawn mower for 12 hours straight.
Today I see that NASA threw $300M into a space dumptster and lost information about the origin of the universe because this capsule didn't deploy its parachutes and it went smashy crashy boom down in the dirt. I can imagine the scene at NASA right afterwards when the top NASA people go to talk the dude in charge of 'Parachute Deployment'. He's all sitting there in his cube with his headphones on playing a game of Doom3 on the network and eating bbq fritos. The suits are all like 'ACHEM! ' and he looks up sees all the head honchos around him and takes off his headphones and is like, 'Hey guys, umm... sup?...'
Not sure what this nerd is talking about.
Tonite I found out about a new thing (well I guess it's not new. it's like new for me) called 'sleep-eating'. Apparently there's a bunch of y'all wandering around during the night totally asleep and chowing down. Some people cook food. Some just straight snack and some people eat weird stuff like cigarettes dipped in honey. Once in summer camp some kid slept-played-soccer (he was like kicking an invisible soccer ball around) and he ended up kicking my metal bed frame with his shin. He didn't even feel it. It freaked me out. The next day his shin was all black and blue and when I told him what happened he didn't believe me.
But back to the eating, here's some more info on S-NRED.
Tonite I found out how to deal with things if an anaconda snake chomps down on your hand (no i didn't see anaconda 2 it's just a coincidence). Basically the last thing you wanna do is try to yank your hand out of the anacondas mouth. Because the anaconda's teeth hook inwards toward its throat and it's like going against the tooth grain if you yank it out the front. What you want to do is grab the anaconda firmly by the head and shove your hand further down its jaw till you're clear of the teeth then slide it out the side. So there.
I went to the Anaconda 2 site and took their 3d game. It's the worst 175MB (175!) I ever spent. It's almost worth checking out due to the experience of sheer terriblicity ....if you have the time and speed and space and appropriate brand of warptdom and total ballsout attitude for dumping absolute garbage on your harddrive.
TV told me tonite that back in the day there was a fad around Radium. Somehow some marketing people started pushing radium as the newest bestest thing. There was radium water. Radium jockstraps. Radium testicle wrap. Radium sex charger. Radium suppositories. Everyone was going nuts for the radium. They finally decided to check into it a little more after some radium nut drank a whole bunch of radium something or other and his jaw friggin fell off.
Here's a hanger-on from a time when people knew even less about everything.
Tonite I found out that there's might be a new case for advancing stem cell research. According to the tv, stem cells might lead to a cure for baldness. Yeah yeah it might help cure big diseases and stuff too but with baldness thing maybe some people who might be against stem cell research might think twice about it if it means they could end up with hair like... like.... I dunno who has really good hair these days? Viggo? Depp? Ok Depp! How bout the promise of hair like Depp?
To shine or not to shine...
TV showed me something for blind people tonite. Like if you're a blind person surfing the net, your computer reads webpages out to you out loud (by the way if there are any blind people checking this page out right now... Howdy ho, blind person! Welcome to this website! Coolio!) Anyway, some tech nerds are working on a tactile graphics display now. So not only will blind people get to hear the text but they'll be able to feel the images. Cause this machine will create outlines of graphics and stuff. So what's that mean? Finally internet porn for the blind is in the works!
Here's some artwork from a blind painter...