So tonite some guy told me about these things called Colorful Coffins. I guess people are bored with old dreary type coffins and now they're making them wacky and fun or purty and stuff. They're sort of popular overseas in places but they're coming to store near you soon! I guess it's a coolio idea. I mean why should you bum everyone out with some boring ol' casket just because it's your funeral? Buzzzz kill...
Anyway, here's a bunch of them there fun caskets.
Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. For some reasons it's becoming a tradition for me to not fact it up on Friday's which I'll try to break. But I found out this morning that Nickelodeon is not broadcasting from noon-3 today to encourage kids to go outside and play. I actually think that's a coolio PR stunt... even though it's to promote some reality show or something. Not sure. But there was some backend dealio to shutting down for a few hours...
Here's an unrelated M. animated type thing with some sex scene situation...
So tonite Survivor: Racial Island totally bagged out on the whole race card thing and mixed all ethnicities together. Seemed a little early to pull the plug on the big hook. But I'll keep watching my girl Jenny until she brings it home to be the sole survivor! Then it's only onwards and upwards as a Survivor winner! Umm... Unless you're Richard Hatch then it's sort of offwards and umm... downwards...
Here's how to deal with being in the clink...
Tonite local news wang Ernie Anastos told me that New York law people are busy trying to scrub the books of stupid laws that are still on the books. He told me there's a flirting law (It's illegal for guys to turn their heads to look at chicks) and the Donkey Law (donkeys are not allowed to sleep in bathtubs in Brooklyn) are on their way to being legalized. Finally? Donkeys in bathtubs was apparently such a problem back in the day that they had to pass a law. What the hell was going on round here 100 years ago? WTF? Donkeys?
Here's some stupid laws for your state..
So tv told me today that the new Mike Judge movie got thrown in the garbage for some whatevery reasons. The movie is called Idiocracy. It's like so dead and buried by the studio that if you want to see it you have to go to the ocean floor and start digging or something. Apparently either Mike Judge got in a fight with the studio or the studio thought nobody would want to see it or he urinated on some exec's desk or something. Or all three. Sorta sucks. I wanna see! But man o man this flick got so super killed it might actually be re-categorized as a friggin snuff film....
C'mon studio! Jette and Chip sorta liked it! And they likes their funny movies!
Today TV told me that for some dopey reason some French doctors are planning to perform surgery in a zero-gravity environment. One of those planes that make people float around. I guess it's to prepare for our trip to Mars that's never happening like ever. The surgery to be performed is being described as a cheekcut-earpoke-forehead slash to be followed up with a neckstab-shoulder wound-then neckstab-stabber on the other side. The post-surgical wrapup will include a game of eyeball ping pong.
Here's the alien surgery song.
Last night I learned that some Frankenstein science lab has developed cats that people might not be allergic to. They claim they did it through breeding methods or whatever but it sounds like they're putting cats in centrifuges or something weird. I'm actually totally allergic to cats but I can't resist testing things whenever I get near one. I'll pick it up and rub it on my face to test it out. Then when my eyes get red and I start sneezing I'll be like, 'Yup. Still allergic.' Big dope.
Here's one of these psycho non-allergenic cats that won't make you sneeze but it'll be thinking about different ways to murder you all the time.
Today I found out that scientists have been working on figuring out a way to allow redheads to tan. Basically fair-skinned people burn up under the sun so they've developed some sort of cream that might help redheads tan instead of burn. Why is it that all scientific advancements seem to be driven by horny nerds? Like here's what probably happened... one nerd with a thing for redheads and another nerd with a thing for tan girls got together over a night of beers and Stargate: Atlantis and decide to put two and two together.
Here's a bunch of famous redheads... maybe soon to be tan.... ummm some of them...
So news told me tonight that there's this reading program for children called 'Reading First'. It gets like a billion dollars a year to show kids how letters come together to make words. Problem is it is apparently run by scumbags and the books they order up are from just a few publishers who somehow land "government contracts" to be the only place where they can buy books. The director of Reading First sent an email about outsider companies that try to get involved with Reading First. Here's a quote from his email:
"They are trying to crash our party and we need to beat the shit out of them in front of all the other would-be party crashers who are standing on the front lawn waiting to see how we welcome these dirtbags..."
Nice guy. What a dick. He's getting fired.
Here's some money going out the window on govt crap. I gotta some sort of proposal together...
No real daily fact this day. But my Survivor pick 'Jenny' continues her non-stop beeline to winning survivor and proving she's the greatest survivor contestant ever! New factoid will be here so super soon! I can't wait!
Here's Jenny's original audition video! Best ever too! (cough. umm.. yeah...)
This morning I learnt that Microsoft is continuing to shuffle with their pants around their ankles to catch up on internet stuff. YouTube being all successful and stuff made the Microsoft people decide to do their own version. It's called 'Soapbox on MSN Video' and it'll be out soonish-- they say. I think maybe these big companies have to start learning that if they want to launch new 'cool' site or whatever.... take your friggin corporate name off it. Yea? Especially if your name is (cough) Microsoft.
Here's the 'Be here soon' page... whaddaya know... a dancing dork.
So the local news penises just told me that something 'fell off' the space shuttle today. The astronauts saw some 'debris' floating around and they phoned it in. I dunno.... When junk is straight-out falling off the shuttle-- I'm thinking maybe it's time to build a new f'in space ship! WTF!? How old is that thing?! Why is NASA like friggin Sanford and Son???
Here's a clip of NASA shuttle team going to work...
Ok so here's something I didn't know before TV came along today. (Ok maybe it won't make all other facts look like lies.) But apparently Intel has developed a new chip that's going to send data by laser beam. Woo! Fancy! They claim it's going to make everything go zip zap zippity zap zap extra! Yeah right. We'll see. After all these years it seems difference between my old 486 and this Pentium 4 or whatever the hell I have now... is probably the difference between Photoshop opening in 5 seconds and 4.8 seconds...
Here's the 25 worst websites... yeah myspace is #1...
Sorry for the slackage the last few days. I'll get back on the stick this week and tomorrow especially I'm gonna watch TV all day till I find a fact that will be so factual that it will make all other fact look like blatant lies!
Here's how you detect a lie.
Today Eyewitness News showed some "Best of the Week" clips or whatever and they showed me the 'Birdman Competition'. Basically dudes strap wings or contraptions to themselves and jump off the pier to see if they can fly. Dressed as birds. Elephants. Whatever. Which reminds me, the other day I was looking at a duck and I got sort of amazed. Ducks can fly, float, walk, and dive which according to Encyclopedia Britannica declares ducks to be the 'most awesome and macho creatures on planet Earth'. Britannica has sort of gone off the rails since the internet came along...
Check out this $48,000... umm... bird?
Sorry no factoidal yesterday. Was running around all day yesterday then went to see the Black Dahlia. Gonna write up a thing about it now. I did watch the news though. Hey! Will someone explain to me how stomach acids from e-colied cows get all over my spinach...
But here's the Yip Yip martians for some entertainusement...
So tonite I made the decision to go in on Survivor. I've only watched one season before (Season 2) but the whole race card thing worked for me so I'm in. I guess. For now. Except I had a hard time following it so far. It all sounds like, 'Ok. The challenge is for each team to put together the puzzle boat blah then after you get the fire go and do the compass puzzle so you can build a blah blah North South East and West and put the puzzle blah in the blah blah blah after you first finish the blah. Then you can win immunity of which there's an idol that can be separated into three parts blah blah and blah unless you're on banished to blah blah island where there's also an immunity statue but it's all blah blah so here's a book."
Ok.. whatever. I don't have to follow it to pick the winner.
The winner of Survivor: Race War Island will be....
Jenny! I'll will be bragging about her weekly.
Today local news dork Roseanna Scotto told me about a computer ripoff scammy company called BlueHippo. Basically they sell computers to people with bad credit or no credit. But they screw people over by either not delivering the computer or if the customer goes on some layaway plan and miss a payment BlueHippo jerks just keep all the money and say FU sucker or something. Scumbag penisknockers.
Here's their rapsheet at the Better Business Bureau. Kinda a coolio site to poke around on.
Sorry no daily fact yesterday. I was pretty sure that I typed one up but when I looked here now sure enough there was nothing there. TV was sort of dopey anyway. I finally watched the 'Fantastic Four' movie- which I actually thought was pretty good. But I was also reading magazines and drinking beer while watching so that might have helped...
Here's a whole shebang of FF covers for ya... (not that you asked)
Not much going on today besides 9/11 coverage-- but I did spot something funny on ABC World News Tonight. They were doing a story on Afghanistan and how things are going screwy bad over there-- and they put up a video of a tank driving by. I noticed it had a bumper sticker. So I rewound and paused it to read what kind of bumper sticker is on a tank in Afghanistan...
I took a photo of the TV. Here tis...
I think it's a nice direct universal message...
*Apparently it's not as legible as I thought. It says "Such a nice day, please don't f*ck it up..."
So I found out that they're finally going to start doing something to get rid of garbage instead of just dumping it in a pile. Somewhere down in Florida some mad scientists are working on something that zaps garbage with some zapper hotter than the sun and vaporizes it into rock or something like that. And the zapping will produce electricity or something. I don't know. Seems ok. Here's them nerds.
But I think the better solution is launching garbage into space at enemy planets. Like garbage bomb evil planets like Mercury. How caught off guard would them Mercroids be if all of a sudden it started raining moldy lettuce and smelly banana peels!? Booyah, Mercroids! Fwap! A used condom right on your stupid alien head! Shock and Aww, man!
Here goes some Pigs in Space all star warsed.
Sorry no daily factoid yesterday. I went into the city and ran around then when I got back home I didn't run around because I was inside and running around in my apartment could be hazardous and stuff. So I flopped down on the couch and watched the movie The Producers which I hadn't seen in ages and turns out it's still pretty friggin funny...
Heading out of the city today to go to a wedding. Daily facts will be back tomorrow nightish!
But here's something to keep you looking at something if you wanna look at something. Dark Side over Wizard of Oz. Personally I don't see it but it has moments...the money part is coolio.
So local news told me the NYC isn't as mental as other cities in terms of making cellphone calls all day long. New Yorkers are like 11th on the list when it comes down to the average amount of cellphone calls people make per day. The most mental city? Miami. Average person makes 10 calls per day. 298 per month. LA came second. But NYers spends alot of time underground. So who came in last place? The Deros who spend all their time underground...
Here's some more info on the Deros (or possibly the Teros?).
Tonite the tv showed me a new invention coming out of Japan. Apparently there's a new robot coming that has the ability to "taste" and identify different wines. It does it through infrared scanner that can see what the chemical makeup is or something. Anyway, sound super dumb and nerdy. I mean wine in general is geeked out enough without getting friggin robots involved. Plus if the robots start drinking the wine they can work up the liquid courage to friggin bash you good and take over your house and clog up your toilet with metal poop.
Here's smore bout the dopey robot. And here's the um... robot parade.
Today I learned all about sting rays like 20,000 times from news dopes. Basically they say the chances of you being killed by a sting ray is extremely small right now. Especially because you're sitting in front of a computer at the moment. And even if one sting ray murderer did break in to your place they don't function well on carpeting or wood floors.
Here's sting ray friendly style. Really sort of amazing looking things. Like aliens. And here's a kid getting stung by a sting ray. And a coolio tribute to Steve Irwin.
So today TV told me some teens in Brattleboro, Vermont are kicking it up a notch by getting naked and hanging out on park benches and outside stores and stuff. Chicks and dudes are stripping down 'because they can'. And walking around. Wangs out. Boobs out. Butts out. The whole thing. Like nothing is going on. Some people think the lax standards in VT have gone too far. I'm thinking this problem will take care of itself eventually. Once porky tourists guys in undershirts show up with their digital cameras yucking it up, high fiving and toasting beer... this freedom won't be so attractive anymore.
World Naked Bike Ride! 2006!
Yah I forgotted yesterdays factoid. Sorry bout that. But just now TV told me that Smell-O-Vision in the movies is probably coming soon. In Tokyo they're busting it out all over the place. It adds different smells to the theater. It's like if you're sitting watching say... Blazing Saddles. In the movie, when a horse walks on screen you'll smell horse. When Hedley is in the bathtub with froggie you might smell soap. When the old lady apologizes to the sheriff with a pie you'll smell pie. And when the dudes are sitting around the campfire you'll smell that too...
Here's that smelly scene (blast a fart if you wanna experience smell-o-vision at home) and here's some guy babbling about the first movie that was smelly.
TV told me something bad today so I figure why not share! The fishing world out in europe are being dicks about sharks and now sharks are in trouble of being extincted and stuff. Something happened with the laws or whatever and now it's easy for fishing jerks to catch sharks and do a process called 'finning' which is like chopping off the fins and chucking the rest of the shark away. Nice. Apparently some out East think shark fin soup make for better boners or something so they hanker for the fins. Why is it that every species that gets hunted toward extinction is somehow boner related? Horny dopes.
The bad good bad good news is that the fins might be so loaded up with mercury it'll sterilize the boner wanter.