September 2002

9/30

I learnt that it is illegal in nyc to sell single cigarettes or 'loose-ys'. I know this because a news crew did a sting operation on a newsstand guy. They sent in a reporter undercover to buy a single cigarette. Then returned with cameras to confront the newsstand guy about his illegal policy of selling 'loose-ys.' The newsstand guy barely flinched at the bust and gave the reporter a look like, 'Is this seriously what you're doing today?'

Here's a chart of state tax on cigarettes. New York and NJ #1, baby! 

9/29

I saw a show about guns. Apparently gun manufacturers are now working to add more safety to guns to keep people from accidentally shooting other people. I think that sounds like a good idea. One newish safety thing is this magnetic ring that needs to be worn to make a gun shoot. No magnetic ring. No blam blam. 

So if you see someone walking around wearing this ring (especially the guy in photo). I wouldn't go insulting his moms. 

9/28

The difference between antlers and horns are antlers are bone and are part of the skull and grow and get like shed every year. A horn are like two part structures (the bone inside and the outside part) If you break a horn it doesn't grow back but antlers grow back. Fish don't have antlers and neither do most limmands. 

This disturbered me in my search for an antler link.

9/27

So I was sitting around my apartment today wondering about how I could insure that a good amount of land is clear of any mines or explosives so I can drive a truck through it. Luckily, TV taught me about the MICLIC (Mine Clearing Line Charge). It's like a whole bunch of explosives on a long line. Launch it way out there. Detonate it. Bada Bing. Bada Boom. Drive on thru. 

Here goes a MICLIC miclicking. 

9/26

I was watching Discovery Kids channel today it was some show called Jaws & Claws.  At the break they run this commercial for life insurance. This guy in an office picks up the phone and the first thing you hear is his wife, 'Honey, Jim Smith died today. Are you sure we have enough insurance?'  The guy at the desk like fades away and the announcer comes on to make people paranoid about life insurance. Like...'Will your family be protected if you die?' Um.. I think it might be nice to lay off the death scare tactics during a frickin CHILDREN'S show at 4:00 in the afternoon! Maybe?

I guess it's an improvement over this

9/25 

This freak on a show called 'Good Eats' taught me about this guy Scoville who took it upon himself to measure how hot chilis are and assign numbers to them based on their hotness. He did it by feeding people peppers and seeing how much they freaked or something. More scientific-y probably.

Here are some hot sauces based on the Scoville Heat Scale. You thought Tabasco was hot...

9/24

Late last nite I seen a show about spontaneous combustion. Apparently this old lady just burst into flames with fire shooting out of her mouth and stuff. One spiritual dude blamed it on her Kundalini being all out of wack and releasing a whole burst of energy when her chakras get all messed up. Or something like that. Eh. Just one more thing to worry about. 

Keep an eye on your Kundalini!

9/23

I watched Price is Right today while eating a bagel. I learned three things: 1. If you're in Contestant's Row and last to bid- you should either bid one dollar or one dollar over the highest bidder. 2. When dropping Plinko chips, drop em from the far left or far right. 3. If you have big boobs and the name Bob written on your shirt.... Come on down! You're the next contestant on the Price is Right!

Not sure if this is a real photo. But if it is. They ain't.

9/22

Tonite I learned about Greenland. Here are two facts cause I missed one yesterday. If you're heading up to the town of Ilulissat and need a place to stay, you can crash in a coolio steel igloo at $40 a night. I also learned most Greenland folks never learn to swim because the water is too cold.

Them igloos are kind of funky. Check em.

9/21

Sorry no fact today. 

Facts are simple. Facts are straight. Facts are lazy. And facts are late.... 

9/20

Tonite I watched half of a show called John Doe on Fox. He's a guy who like knows everything except his own name. So he said alot of facts and stuff. The only one I really remember was that Mt. Everest is not the tallest mountain in the world. If you measure the mountain from below sea level. It's Mauna Kea in Hawaii! USA! USA!

Here's a live shot of the sky from Mauna Kea. Umm... do our tax dollars pay for stuff like this?

9/19

Kamato Hongo is the oldest person on the planet. She turned 115 the other day. She was born is frickin 1887! That's weird. What's weirder is that she attributes her good health to a steady diet of hot dogs, Jolt cola, and "good old fashioned bong hits". She celebrated her birthday by playing a marathon game of Zonk! Congrats to Kamato!

Here's some info on Kamato.

*correction: I believe I misheard what Kamato's secret to longevity was. The secret to 'shortjevitity' is jolt cola and hot dogs and zonk. Longevity in Kamato's case is actually a healthy balance of good diet and exercise. My apologies to Kamato and y'all for the mixup.

9/18

Some chick on TV told me that she thinks talking to her plants helps them grow and be healthy. I have one plant in my apartment and it ain't doing so great so I walked up to it and said, 'Sup?' I touched a leaf and said, 'How's this whole being a plant thing working out for you? Good?' I stared at it. I felt a little crazy. It might be good for the plant's health to talk to it but it didn't seem great for my own mental health.

Here's a thing on talking to plants.

9/17

There's this place called HyperDog Rescue that rescues hyper dogs from their owners. Like if your dog is a psycholunatic who like never calms down HyperDog Rescue will find the right home for it -if your home ain't. When I was little we had a hyper dog 'Pepper'. She would dig a hole in the wall then would chew a table leg then bite me then run up the stairs and down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up down up down up down then up down up down up down. 

Here are some kids poems about dogs.

9/16

I learnt today that first lunchbox ever with a picture on it was Hopalong Cassidy. My first one was Speed Buggy. In my Speed Buggy lunchbox I had egg salad sandwiches alot. When I busted out my sandwich the kids at school would say, 'Ewwww... Eeegggg Salad!' And make fun of my sandwich. They'd tell me it smelled ...and often that I smelled too. I didn't care though. That's how much I liked egg salad!... or... maybe that's how much of a geek I was. :-(

If I still had that lunchbox I could sell it and make some cash!

9/15

I watched Grease today. At the end of Grease, Sandy gets fed up with being all Sandra Dee and gets decked out in leather pants and a tight shirt and like heels and starts smoking cigarettes. Then she dances around with Danny Zuko and throws her legs around him. Then they get in a shiny car and drive off and up into the sky. What's that about anyway?

Here are the lyrics to Greased Lightning. 

9/14

Around Dover Street in London they found what could be the remains of a female gladiator (or Gladiatrix). It's likely that she was a devoted follower of the goddess Isis.  A Gladiatrix fought with strength and courage using sword and shield. The battles were for honor and glory.

Here's a modern day Gladiatrix

9/13

Today I watched a show about Meerkats. They're like weird desert type animals that eat termites. This whole group of meerkats like starved to death except one called 'Little Boy'.  So he had to journey to find a new group by himself. He was loner meerkat for a while but then eventually found a new meerkat group that accepted him and even got himself a meerkat chick.  

Here's some info for you if you're a loner and want to fix your lonerishness.

9/12

I watched this chick show called Berman & Berman. The chicks were sitting around and talking about what herbal supplements are good for chick issues. They talked about this stuff Black Cohosh which is good for PMS nuttiness. Then they all giggled when they talked about aphrodisiacs. Apparently this stuff called Yohimbe is good for sexual vroom vroom.

Here's some info on Yohimbe.

9/11

The Pentagon has had a 'Ground Zero Cafe' in its courtyard since the Cold War. Apparently back in the day, the Ruskies had two missiles aimed at the cafe because they believed it was a secret facility or something. But it's just a cafe. Serves hot dogs and stuff.

Here's an overhead view of the Pentagon.

9/10

I learnt that people who go to rave parties and take ecstasy sometimes wear pacifiers because the drug makes you grind your teeth. Also some wear surgical masks lined with Vicks Vapo-rub because they say that apparently done messes you up good too. I really can't go to raves because I'm a clutzy dancer... also known in the scene as a 'total buzzkill'.

Here's info about cigarettes (legal) and info about ecstasy (illegal).

9/9

I watched Robot Wars today and studied them and thought up a theory. I think the toughest robots are built round and can spin around and around and have circular saws as weapons. The weaker robots have exposed wheels, hammer or grabber type weapons, and have more of a boxy shape. And the best robot builders look most beserker.

If I tried to build a robot it would probably look like this.

9/8

I saw this new gadget segment on some dumb show and they showed this 'Now You Can Find It' locator thing. If you lose stuff alot, you can attach this thing to the thing then use this other thing to find the thing because the thing attached to the thing beeps when you push the button on the other thing. For the record, this was totally my idea first. I just never did anything with it, but they totally stole it from me.

Here's the thing that was my idea first.

9/7

I watched a show about killer bees today and I found out how you can avoid getting hit with a killer bee attack. Don't hang out near killer bees. But if you do and they start swarming around you and stuff you should run away and cover your head. They also said that you shouldn't jump in water because bees will wait for you to surface and then sting your head. That would be a bad way to go.

Just so you can be prepared, here's what a swarm of bees sounds like.

9/6

I learned today that they're getting closer to curing blindness in some people. Scientists figured out how to grow like new retina rods or something. Now all they have to learn how to get them back into the eye and turn them on. They're blinding rats left and right to figure it all out as we speak. 

Here's something that will mess up your eyes good. Stare at the center of this thing for 30 seconds. Then look at the back of your hand.. 

9/5

Today Cookie Monster had a conflict. He was introducing the letter of the day which was 'C'. He had a cookie with the letter 'C' on it. He wanted to eat the cookie but he felt maybe he shouldn't because it was the 'special letter of day cookie'. Eventually he broke down and ate the cookie. Then he started crying. Then these other muppets came in as an 'intervention' with Cookie Monster. Fozzie told him they thought he had a problem but Cookie Monster said it was under control and said 'Me no have problem. You have problem!'. The other muppets said that they were worried about Cookie Monster because not only has he been eating cookies to excess but they noticed he's been smoking cigarettes back stage and often appears drunk. Cookie Monster got all agitated and told them how none of them understood the pressure that he was under. He said that since Elmo got all big he's "been pushed to side and me merchandising way down. WAY down!" He then got totally upset and was all, 'Me only drink a little to take edge off. Me only drink to wash down cookies. Me only drink to wash down cookies!!' Then he ran off and you heard a few crashes backstage and offstage cookie monster said, 'Get away! Cookie Monster needs be alone! Gimme cookie! Don't touch Cookie Monster!' Then the 'We are experiencing technical problems' card went up and some soothing music came on.

*much thanks to Doug N. for finding this long lost original fact!!

9/4

I seen on the TV that there is a new movie rating. Rated E. Some video distributors are taking it upon themselves to edit movies to remove sex and violence from Hollywood films. They want to protect the children.

My mom took me to see Jaws in the theater when I was 5 years old. And I'm frickin perfectly normal! Right? RIGHT?!!

9/3

I watched two rattlesnakes 'do it' today. Guy rattlesnake came up to Girl rattlesnake and was like, 'What's up?' And she gave him a look like, 'You wanna do it?' And he was all, 'Yeah! Totally!' So then he was doing all snake rub up on her foreplay stuff and then he used one of his two wangs (i missed the actual scientific term for his sex organs) and they do it for hours. 

Here's some info on rattlesnake roundups. Yee-haw.

9/2

I learned from the Other Half that chicks are bad at buying cars. They're not used to negotiation when shopping, car dealerships are a very male environment so they get intimidated, and women are usually unprepared. The lady on the show said, "Research, ladies! And know you have the power of the purse!"

9/1

Sorry no fact today. I was at a barbeque and I drank these Black and Tan type beers and ate two hamburgers and a hot dog. That was sort of alot because for like a solid hour before the burgers and hot dogs I was eating potato chips and nachos. Then for dessert I had s'mores.

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