August 31 2010

Tattoo Girl Looking Like I Leer

So anyway, today I was on the subway sitting across from a tattooed girl. She was cute and punky and wearing a skimpy mini-dress so her tattoos were on full display. When I first sat down I immediately looked away because on first impression seriously tattooed people make me a little nervous. Like I think they always have a switchblade hidden on their person or something. And they could –swik swik– cut me before I’d ever know what was what.

Anyway, the train ride is going along and I find myself looking at this girl’s feet and ankles which had pretty nice tattoos. Cartoony style. Birds and vines and stuff. I started to admire the work. Lots of detail. I was trying to decipher what was going on there.

As I worked my way up her calf– (I realized I was staring a bit but I figured she knew why) she crossed her leg and exposed her full side thigh which had wildlife on it. Like deer sipping from a stream and stuff. And high up on the side of her thigh there were a bunch of samurai and geishas in there together and they disappeared under the skirt. I couldn’t understand what the samurai and the geisha were doing in the woods with the deer and the birds but…

On the inner thigh on her other leg there was some sort of monster action scene going on. At this point, I felt like she was comfortable with the idea that I was admiring her tattoos. In my head I really wasn’t like, ‘Oooh! Look at the legs!’ I really was like, ‘I’m bored on the train– I’m gonna look at your inked up situation. Because it is the best art on the train.’

I think I was only looking her over for a minute or so– but when I looked at her in the eyes to sort of give her a ‘Hey! Nice tattoos!’ nod— she was looking back at me with a face that said, ‘What the f–k are you staring at, you fkin gorky pervert?!’

I immediately looked away and went back into, ‘I’m scared of you tattoo people mode.’

But on second thought I was a like, ‘Honey! You’re the one covered in art! In a mini-skirt! I’m sure it’s a fine line but I kind of feel like I sort of have the right to look you over!’ I guess there’s a certain protocol there and maybe I mistook comfort for discomfort– but…

And hey! I bet if I was covered in tattoos she wouldn’t have minded so much. It would have been more acceptable, right? Like she’d know exactly why some dude covered in tattoos would be looking her over. Just because I’m covered in hair and not tattoos– shouldn’t automatically make me a perv! I’m not a perv, tattoo girl! I like cartoons! I was just looking at the tattoos all over you! How could I not!? We were sitting right across from each other! You were all exposed! Don’t I have the right to admire you?!

ok bye!

PS. Thanks for not taking out your switchblade and swik swiking me…


the REAL weeze says:


Tattoo Girl says:

*swik swik*- the weeze problem is over.

impersonator says:

holy sheez, I haven’t been back to OT in a while but I do remember the weeze variations. Now if only we could get gunfever back in here, what a blast!

johnny5 says:

stop being so neurotic.

also your twitter api is launching a login/pw box on every page.

Goats says:

That’s f’ing awesome! Hey, if you dress like that and are all inked up, you’re gonna get gawked at–a lot! Especially here in NYC! No need to feel self conscious.

Oh, and T, those inked up people are all attention seeking assholes. They’re generally NOT tough and very unlikely to carry a blade, nevertheless, have the wherewithal to properly use one. They are all show….

Nicol says:

Same thing goes for girls with too much cleavage showing. They want people to look, but only certain people.

Concerned Pervert says:

People like ME.

I drool on their boobies on the subway.

Crumbles says:

I wen to get a tattoo and when the guy took out the needWHAM

oddtodd7 says:

what’s my twitter api?

Concerned Parent says:


Tattoos or no tattoo there is no proper reason to stare at the legs of a woman you do not know. Ask the Queen of England if you do not believe me! A woman’s crazy idea about fashion don’t not open doors for you have inproper manners. I am not being critical I am just explaining to you what a GENTLEMEN does.

Says you says:

Depends on the situation. I once found myself daydreaming while looking at an ankle tattoo. I was on a bus in Boulder and as I made my way up was met with a pair of intense eyes that led to this woman just saying, “Hi there.”

Suffice it to say that was one proper-ass reason. I don’t think either of us slept for 8 hours during the next week.

Just sayin’

Concerned Pervert says:

” I am not being critical I am just explaining to you what a GENTLEMEN does. ”

Where, oh where, do I start?!?!? OK, here goes…

In the words of Moe of the Three Stooges: “Gentleman? Who came in?”

Try “Hypocritical”. As in browsing adult-oriented and porn “web-sights” with your underage daughter, and then having the balls to say that checking out some slut’s tats IN PUBLIC is wrong when she’s obviously an exhibitionist. And possibly a whore.

” don’t not open doors for you have inproper manners”.

Using a double negative in your sentence structure, as incorrect as it is, actually says the opposite of what you think you mean. In other words- stay with me now- it actually DOES open doors to have “inproper” (deduct points for your poor spelling skills) manners. And possibly to treat the slut like the whore that she probably is.

” Ask the Queen of England if you do not believe me! ” AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! OH MY GOD, YOU’RE KIDDING, RIGHT?!?!?!? Last time I checked, the Queen of England- which is a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT COUNTRY THAN US, not to mention one that we REVOLTED AGAINST AND BROKE AWAY FROM IN 1776, because of EXCESSIVE TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION- remember the original “Tea Party”?- was NOT riding the New York City subway system with tattooed sluts and whores. Nor does she answer etiquette questions from the general public, commoners like you, or NYC subway whores. So her opinion means something only to sunshine-and-lollipops fairy-tale-believing Princess-Bride-watching miserable-example-setting excuses for a “parent” such as yourself.

Concerned Pervert says:

Oh, and Have a Nice Day!

Perv says:

Some day girls will wear neon flashing signs on their naked boobs that say “Stop looking here!!”

Concerned Pervert says:

And when that day comes I’ll get a job as Neon Sign Repairman. Kind of like being a Gynocologist.

impersonator says:

Concerned Parent…what a bland feminist thing to say. You over-sensitive people always think that others should only see things from your point of view since you’re the one with something to say against it, which now-a-days seems to null whatever the argument is over since “if one person has a problem with it we don’t do it, out of respect.”

So if I go outside with my cock out of my fly should I shoot dirty looks at those admiring my wang-a-dang-a-ling-long?

Anonymous says:

Just be careful when you zip up.

Anonymous says:

Bullshit. You’re hiding behind ‘proper manners’ and criticizing at the same time. Call it what you will, but see it for what it is.

Manners and tatoos… write a book and stop hiding behind your lack of criticalness. If she was a proper lady, she wouldn’t have the tattoos, according to Western Culture practices. And/or she’d cover her ‘gams’ up.

In no way am I saying that dudes should be gawking, but get a clue: realizing that this is NY should mean something. In the same way that saying ‘this is Jordan’ or ‘this is Australia’ — different social game everywhere.

treefp says:

The tattoo chick needs to meet the guy who commented on the dog swim therapy story…they can be outraged by the rest of the world’s behavior together…

treefp says:

This dude has issues:

“The Oregonian’s Steve Duin said it best when he said in today’s paper, “… my generation morphed from ‘We the people’ to ‘Me the people.'”

There is nothing more “me” centric and self-indulgent than doing the feather-light-makes-me-feel-good effortless mollycoddle of putting a dog that needs “rehabilitation” in a car and driving it to an *indoor* pool.

Especially when 20% of our Oregon children go to bed hungry at night.

And it takes a minimum of two acres of land out of the human food supply chain to just feed your dog … and this drives up prices and is another reason that low-income parents can’t afford to feed their kids.

And then there are the herbicides, pesticides, and fertilizers used to raise crops to feed the animals that are slaughtered to feed your dog and these chemicals pollute our drinking water … and raise the cost of food.

And why are horses, cows, pigs, and lambs not as important as your dog? Why are you slaughtering these animals to feed your animal … an animal that eats higher off the food chain than even we humans do? Why are you dog owners driving up the cost of meat?

And remember that most veterinary medicine even arthritis medications, anti-biotics and anti-depressants … are taken out of the human supply chain raising the costs for medications for seniors … and showing up in your drinking water because of dog urine on our topsoil percolating into our watershed.

And the petroleum needed to maintain that *indoor* pool … and drive animals to it … is an enormous waste of non-renewable resource that raises the cost of both utilities and gasoline and spews carbon into our atmosphere over and above the already outrageous carbon “pawprint” that you dog owners create … which is equivalent to driving an SUV.

Another sharp writer said that your grandchildren will curse you … you Boomers and Gen X’ers … for your self-indulgence … when your grandchildren are themselves grandparents … because you’ve robbed them and your own progeny of the finite natural resources you fritter away just to make yourselves feel good … about doing nothing.

When one is responsible to the planet and to future generations one can not condone the kind of irresponsible self-indulgent behavior exhibited by you dog owners.

Want to feel good about being self-indulgent? Stop wasting our resources, polluting our air, changing our climate, and poisoning our topsoil and groundwater and sublimate the need to feed your inner Paris Hilton by going to see a movie about self-indulgence … Eat Pray Love.”

That's easy to follow says:

Not sure what all that up there just before me was all about. But anyway.

I say, to hell with the easily-identified-in-a-lineup chick. I’d give her a look right back with a leer while slowing nodding as if to say, “That’s right. I’m checking out the ink. Imagine THAT?!? I have the audacity, the insolent daring and intrepid fortitude to just go right ahead and LOOK. You got a problem with that? Then cover your walking billboard ass next time. Or at least have the decency to show me the outcome of that monster scene. I’d like to put a punctuation mark on the end of that story.”

That’s right.

treefp says:

its a quote, hence the ” symbol at either end…

goats says:

Shut yer pieholes “concerned parent” and “treefp,” the world has enough idiots without you 2. Right on “that’s easy to follow”….

treefp says:

The post about the dogs was a quote. That;s what the little symbols: ” at the beginning and the end mean. These are not my words. Pay attention….I said the dude has issues…jeez…shut your own piehole with your misinformation why dont ya!

The Great CaptainTaco says:

I only feed my dog condor eggs and minced unicorns.

I do the same tap dance in my head as to if it’s socially acceptable to stare at someone’s tattoos like you, tOdd. I saw this really attractive girl just in front of me at the bank a couple weeks ago, and she had this very detailed and colorful dragony tattoo on her right arm. I really like colorful tattoos and enjoy the art, however I always think that since I don’t have any tats of my own I’m viewed as some weirdo if I’m looking at someone elses. And if I had like a big ‘ol sleeve tattoo or something I could just strike up a conversation with this girl and it’d be more socially acceptable, we could make small talk in the bank line and then meet up later to talk about our ink and sharpen our switchblades together over coffee. Then I thought, “No, that’s just silly” and just as i opened my mouth to introduce myself and tell her I admired her pretty tattoo like three bank tellers opened up and called everyone forward. “Damn, the one time the bank line moves quickly” Oh, well, I learned that next time I will simply not dwell on it and if I admire someones ink, I’ll just tell em right off the bat.

Bob in Peru says:

The difference between people with tattoos and those without tattoos is – People with tattoos don’t care if you don’t have any….(I’m tat free)

Anonymous says:

Love the drawing! Ha!

Truth Be Told says:

Personally, I find women with tattoos unattractive.

Anonymous says:

Not to worry- I’m sure that you’re well beneath THEIR standards. So it all works out.

Your Name Here!!! says:

People get tattoos because they want others to see the art. If they didn’t want other people to see it, they’d just hang up a painting in their house or something.

There’s nothing wrong with staring at someone’s tattoo. They got it so that other people would notice and look at it. There’s no other reason for tattoos other than to advertise to the world what you’re interested in or some aspect of yourself. Don’t feel bad in any way Todd. If someone went so far as to get their happy thoughts imprinted on themselves permanently, then they should be open to comments.

Anonymous says:

I have one tattoo and I think that not only was I getting it for what it meant to me, but also for the enduring pain of the needle. Perhaps it’s nothing more than my desire to let go of control, or something along those lines..but I feel that it’s this kind of mental high thing, not like a drug feeling; but a mental accomplishment where you turn that pain into pleasure.

Ignoring your bodies warnings and remaining still, a needle is penetrating your skin by the will of another upon your request. You lay there thinking about the needle, almost as if you’re eye level with where the tip meets the skin and you can see it strike. There is blood and there is sweat, and eventually, there is a calm. You can still feel every strike, but for some reason, you just let it take you away and you begin to long for the next strike to come. Almost as if you’re welcoming it.

Concerned Pervert says:

Since you feel that way, stop by my house. I have a special room set up with whips and chains that you might enjoy. I keep inviting Concerned Parent over for some fun but she wants to bring her underage daughter and even I’m not into that. Sick bitch.

Nella says:

OK, my opinion issss…..

Proper etiquette says that if there’s a person with tattoos, and you’re interested in the tattoos themselves, ask. Most people with a lot of ink know that people will want to look. Staring without asking is considered rude, but if you express interest and ask politely, they will usually be happy to show you what they’re comfortable showing, and telling you the stories behind each piece. However, if she’s covered in ink and wearing next to nothing, she shouldn’t be surprised people are staring.

And by the way, people covered in tattoos aren’t going to go “swik swik” on you, silly! =)

Krankor says:

Should have asked her if she had any tattoos on her cooter. That would have broken the ice!

Portia says:

Im in the process of getting my tattoos removed before my wedding! It sucks but my husband doesn’t want a bride with tattoos! I suggested photoshop!!! Lasers hurt FYI!

Anonymous says:

Can’t wait to see what you’ll look like when you’re older, Portia. Ever see 60+ “biker chicks” who got all tattooed up back in the 60’s?

NOT a pretty sight.

Anonymous says:


Anyone with visible tattoos who objects to someone looking at them is a hypocrite. That said, anyone who stares a little too long can be seen as a perv.

If you were concerned about what she thought, you should’ve just complimented the ink. If you weren’t concerned, no sweat – it’s a free country.

But as someone whose got a lot of ink, but is by no means “covered,” I can say that a lot of people leaving comments don’t have a clue as to what they’re talking about.

Mr. Roarke says:

i never realized you were an a-hole until now todd – ok bye!

Concerned Pervert says:

Wow- care to explain yourself there Roarke?

Or was this a “Fantasy Island” “Tattoo” reference?

De plane! De plane!

The Truth Hurts says:

The only a-hole is you Mr. Roarke. Ok bye!

Travis says:

You left out the part about getting a boner.

Junkyard Watcher says:

Todd, did you do the animation sequences for the TV show Junkyard Wars?

p.s. What else are tattoos for if not looking at?

Bruce Boxleitner says:

Dr. Ronald Federici has 20 years of experience completing complex neuropsychiatric evaluations with children having significant neurodevelopmental and emotional difficulties. He is a professional consultant to numerous schools, mental health clinics, pediatric and adolescent medicine clinics, court service units and adoption groups, and is frequently called upon to perform “second opinions” for the most difficult to diagnose cases. Dr. Ronald Federici also works extensively in forensic neuropsychology and has served as an expert witness in cases involving the assessment and rehabilitation of traumatic brain injury or other neurological disorders.

Dr. Ronald Federici lectures nationally and internationally on matters pertaining to developmental neuropsychology and severe neuropsychiatric disorders of children, particularly children from post-institutionalized settings. He is regarded as the country’s expert in neuropsychiatric evaluations of internationally adopted children, particularly children from Eastern Europe. He has a special interest in Romanian and Russian orphans, and has evaluated well over a thousand Eastern European adoptees and those still residing in their respective countries. Dr. Ronald Federici has appeared on numerous national television and radio shows such as 20/20, Turning Point, Night Line, Good Morning America, British Broadcasting Corporation, as well as publishing in magazines and newspapers around the world regarding the institutional crises in various countries, particularly Eastern Europe.

Dr. Ronald Federici has published various articles in addition to his book entitled “Help for the Hopeless Child: A Guide for Families (With Special Discussion for Assessing and Treating the Post-Institutionalized Child)”. He has developed the concepts of “Institutional Autism: An Acquired Syndrome” in addition to researching extensively the “Neuropsychology of Bonding and Attachment Disorders”. His second book entitled “Escape From Despair: Through the Eyes of the Child” is in press.

Dr. Ronald Federici serves as President of the Care for Children International, Inc. which is a Humanitarian Aid Organization providing medical care, supplies, training and education to the Romanian Department of Child Protective Services. Dr. Ronald Federici holds an honorary position as Chief Medical Consultant regarding institutionalized children in Romania. He is held in the highest regard with the Romanian government and the Romanian Ambassador to the U.S. Dr. Ronald Federici’s humanitarian organization has worked for many years throughout Romanian institutions and has provided comprehensive medical and neuropsychiatric care in addition to being one of the leading groups in de-institutionalizing children. He is personally responsible for building multiple group homes, independent living situations and leading multiple medical missions and providing millions of dollars of urgently needed medical care, medication, supplies, food and training to address the child welfare/institutional crisis which has plagued Romania for a decade. Currently, Dr. Ronald Federici is working with several international humanitarian groups in providing a proposal for comprehensive-country wide change of the Romanian institutional system. Dr. Ronald Federici and his group of well over 30 committed medical specialists from all disciplines are frequently called upon by numerous institutions and governmental offices throughout Romania to consult and assist counties and governmental departments with the ultimate goal being the development of new programs aimed at de-institutionalization and stabilization of the Romanian social system, family and regional/county economic distribution of funds for institutionalized children.

Dr. Ronald Federici has been involved in extensive lobbying efforts on Capital Hill to improve the policies and procedures for international adoptions, and also offered expert professional testimony on October 5, 1999 to Senator Jesse Helms and the Senate Foreign Relations Committee regarding the problems in international adoptions and issues with the Hague Treaty. Additionally, Dr. Ronald Federici has lobbied extensively to preserve the integrity and responsibility of USAID spending in Romania, and has provided multiple reports to USAID, Washington regarding Romanian child welfare reform, programs, funding and opinions regarding distribution of foreign aid. Dr. Ronald Federici continues to work aggressively to secure private funding and USAID funding for Romanian-specific child welfare reform programs and has completed an extensive “proposal” which is aimed at country-wide institutional reform.

Crumbles says:

Started to read Bruce’s thing above annnnnd WHAM ZZZzzzzzz…..


maybe “having the right” is a little strong, but it certainly seems understandable.

Z says:

I saw a woman in a very fancy mall with red dyed blond hair and an awesome heart type tattoo on her upper arm. I was so tempted to ask her if I could take her picture because together it looked so beautiful and artsy, but I couldn’t do it.

Beavis J.Smith III Of Scotland says:

Considering a Big Pimping Mep tattoo

Anonymous says:


Yeah, “out there like a billboard” is kind of like it.
Tattooed all over legs in a mini skirt.
But I suppose instead of just going ahead and stare, a comment might have over-ridden the “Quit staring at my out there for the public view billboard” look.
You notice a lot of tatts, in a mini skirt, and offer a “Wow, nice tatts.” Then go ahead and stare.

Mr Bill says:

You should have told her about your “All Aboard!” tattoo on your pecker. OH wait that was a movie with Frasier in it.

People that are covered in tats wearing skimpy clothing are begging to be gawked at. Just jeep the drooling under control. And if confronted point to one and say “I like that one” or “my Mom has one just like that”. Asking “do you have a cooter tat?” might not go so well in the subway. In a bar after 20 beers, go for it. Then tell her about your penis tat that says “All Aboard!”

Have a website? Wanna be featured below? Send me a banner 364x40! 100% Free!