November 01 2012
So anyway, yesterday I was hanging out and minding my own business and I decided to try and like get organized.
Clean up my desk. Take care of lingering stuff. Like insurance papers for when I crashed a rental car over the summer. Sending in doctor bills to the health insurance land. Wedding stuff. Bank stuff. All that. And one of the things was depositing a few random small checks I’ve had hanging out for like a month or so.
A $12 check from my pet insurance place. $21 from cafepress. Along with a random $25 check because of some class action lawsuit settlement (who knows what) with Time Warner Cable.
Anyway, I scan in the first couple checks — then I just throw them in the garbage after they go through.
As I’m scanning in checks, I’m multitasking. Getting laundry together. Getting all the garbage together. Office garbage, bathroom garbage, kitchen garbage — combined all in one big bag. I’m also on the phone like a teenage girl.
I start to get the dogs together for a walk and I see on my computer and see that the last check didn’t scan right. The $25 check had to be rescanned. I open up the scanner and the check is gone! Gah! My multitask idiocy distractionness had me throwing out the check before I’d ever confirmed it went through!
There was only one place it could be. The garbage. I look at this big black plastic bag of kitchen garbage, bathroom trash, coffee grounds, old fridge food and tons of random papers (as well as a vacuum canister worth of dust). I’m like, ‘Noooo!!!!’ I threw away $25!! In that! I had an inner debate about whether it was worth retrieving or not. There would be a good chance it would be soggy. Or ruined. Sifting through a mega bag of garbage for $25? Was it worth it?
I decided it was. I got out another trash bag and started transferring the garbage piece by piece to this other bag. Gross. Ew. Gross. Digging through. Ew! I found the ‘other’ checks but not the $25 check. For like 15 minutes I’m going through this bag– and I can’t find the stupid check! It had to be there. I double check. Triple check. All gross garbage. No check.
(Dogs are looking at me like, ‘Can we try? We like doing stuff like that!!.’)
Now I’m pissed. I retrace my steps through the apartment trying to track it down anywhere. No check!! Furious. Confused! But I refuse to give up. I decide I can’t let it go. I’m gonna call up Time Warner Cable and tell them to send me another stupid $25 check.
I call up and go on hold for a solid 10 minutes — then get this woman on the phone.
Here’s how that conversation went:
TWC: Time Warner Cable. How can I help you?
Me: Hi! I won $25 in a class action lawsuit but I lost the check– can you send me another check?
TWC: Say again?
Me: You guys recently sent me a check for $25 because I was a part of some law suit. Can you see if you have a record of it?
TWC: You won a lawsuit?
Me: I don’t know what it was about. All I know is I won $25.
TWC: You sued us for $25?
Me: Not me. I didn’t really have anything to do with it.
TWC: You sued us but you had nothing to do with it?
Me: It was a class action thing or something…
TWC: So how’d you win??
Me: I don’t know! All I know is that you guys owe me $25 right now!!! I threw the last check in the garbage and I need a new one!
TWC: You threw it in the garbage?
Me: By accident! I thought it scanned!
TWC: ….do you want me to transfer you to the legal department?
(My brain now is putting up road flares in my mind. Telling me to let it go. It’s $25. You know you’re entering an impossible world of TWC)
Me: Transfer me.
Needless to say, the legal department transfer didn’t go well. I couldn’t even get in the door essentially before being disconnected. I decided I had gone overtime on my $25 effort. I headed outside to walk dogs. Grumpy and defeated. One of the dogs goes to make poop and I search for a doggie bag and in my back pocket…. was the check.
Get to the catch area and then head off towards the end zone to try and score a touch down!
You are a battle marine from the future that has been sent back in time to change the future.