April 05 2010
So anyway, every year Easter brings up one memory for me that always stings a little. And I figure I’d tell the story– so here I am doing that.
Back in my kindergarten days around Easter time, I was in a class of like 25 kids. We were all hanging out busy playing with blocks or thinking of gum or whatever we did. But on that day, we were all super psyched because we knew at the end of class– if we were ‘good’– we’d all get an easter egg! Rumor was they had our names on em and everything! I think they were painted up by some teachers assistant or whatever..
Finally at the end of class, the teacher had everyone sit down like dogs and pant for our eggs. A table was set up for them! And there they were! The rumors were true! Different colors! Different styles! And unbelievably one of them up there had MY name on it! Treasure!
The teacher called up the first group. “If your first name is A through F… Come get your egg!” And the A-F kids all gathered around the table and snatched up their eggs. (I cursed my last place T name). Then G through L. The G-L’s all headed to the table. They all returned with coolio name-brand eggs. They showed them off to us still waiting. I couldn’t wait to see my egg…
“M through P come get your egg!” I was practically whizzing in my pants in eggtiscipation! (sorry) And then finally R through Z come get your egg! Four or five of us rushed to the table for our eggs. Robert got his. Sharon took hers. Foreign exchange Zeron got his. And I excitedly searched the table for my ‘Todd’ egg when it dawned on me that I was standing all alone. Just me. With only one blue egg left on the table. And that blue egg had the name ‘Ted’.
I think I went full blast tears on this one. Bawling tears. The teacher came over and apologized and quickly corrected the mistake with a sharpee or some shit. It looked worse. My egg was all sorts of f-ked up! I headed back to the group with my crossed out scribbled on defect egg. Utterly humiliated and crying.
Fortunately, in kindergarten kids aren’t smart enough to know it was a prime opportunity to start calling me Ted from there on out. It may have stuck…