So for the past couple weeks I’ve had a mosquito problem in my apartment. Nothing crazy. Not like some buzzing mist of mosquitoes swarming around in here. My problem involves only one single mosquito. Every night. Night after night after night. One. He buzzes my ear. And bites my wrists and legs. Sometimes he bites me on my melon. You might wonder why I can’t just kill the stupid mosquito.

The problem is that I do kill it. Pretty much every single night…

I’ve gotten good at killing the mosquito. Back in the early days of my mosquito battle (mano-a-mosquio) I made the mistake of trying to clap him dead mid-air. Although I’ve been lucky a few times this way– usually it just ‘ghosts’ the mosquito. I’d be sure that I’d mushed it but when I look at my palms they’d be empty and the mosquito would just be gone. He is much easier to kill when he’s just hanging out on the wall or ceiling. I’ve also learned that a big swat is not the way to kill him. Both with clapped hands or a big swat– the approaching wind of the assault serves as a early warning and he vanishes…

The best way is to approach slowly– not striking until you’re six inches away. Then Miyagi style go in lightning fast for the splat. –SPLAT– Because this has become almost a mid-nightly ritual the splat is pretty satisfying too. I’m not a big bug splat kind of guy. I don’t like the mess and the gore. But with a mosquito it’s not so bad. And the fact that I see my own blood splattered in the splat makes me feel like I’m reclaiming a theft.

Anyway, I’m not sure where the mosquito is coming from. I have no stagnant water in my apartment. No koi pond. No puddles. My windows have screens. I’ve checked on my roof for maybe a puddle by my sky light. I’ve poured Drano down my drains in the hopes that somehow he emerges from some refuge home in a curved pipe or something. I know that makes no sense. But I’ve only come to one conclusion.

I somehow have a mosquito in my apartment that is living a Groundhog’s Day style existence.

Here’s what I think. Every night it apparates somewhere in my apartment. It decides to fly into my bedroom and buzz me and bite me. Then after a hunt… it gets the splat. The next night it wakes up and does the same thing. Then the next night again. I’d like to assume he is trying to figure out how to get through a night without ending up splatted on the wall but I fear the mosquito is just to stupid to figure out he is living in some sort of cinematic timewarp. Who knows if he can even remember the night before to make any necessary adjustments to get it right once and just leave!

All I know is the mosquito is making me crazy by evidence of this post and the fact that I just googled around for mini-indoor bug zapper. But I really don’t know what to do anymore. It’s getting cold enough that all mosquitoes should be gone already til next summer. And there is no logical reason for a mosquito to be here night after night after night after night– unless it’s something straight out supernatural.

Which really would be the ultimate bummer because I really like the idea of the existence of the supernatural– and for it to become a reality at this low annoying-ass level would be kinda metaphysically depressing… Or something…

ok bye!
tOdd

18