May 11 2010

The “Happy” Hour Cancellation

So the other night I met up with a friend for happy hour at this saloon style bar that has like old style drinks and grilled cheese sandwiches. I’m sitting at the bar chatting it up when all of a sudden there is this big ‘WHOMP!’ The floor shakes. I look down and see this guy (maybe 45 years old) lying flat on the floor next to my bar stool. It was only like 5:30-ish and my first reaction was like, ‘WTF! How drunk are you at 5:30, dude!?’

But I noticed he was weirdly lying on the ground. Face on the floor. Arms at his sides. Too flat. Too out. Us bar people just sort gasped and wtf-ed and stared. This woman gets to his side and shakes his back a couple times. The guy isn’t moving at all. We’re all just standing looking at each other like, ‘Ummm… Why isn’t he moving?’ Then the woman looks up us idiots and yells, ‘Someone call 911!!!’ The whole bar snapped out of it. I was like, ‘OMG! That’s a friggin dead guy! That guy literally like just dropped friggin dead! Dead guy red alert!’ I’ve never seen a real life new dead person before (thank god) but I felt like I could definitely spot one! And that guy if anyone– was one!

I get on my cellphone (a half-dozen people did the same) and we all called 911 at the same time. ‘9-11 What’s your emergency?’ I’m like, ‘Guy is like… on the floor… not moving and…well… unconscious… that’s kind of all I got…..’ As the 911 operator was taking the information– the guy on the floor all of a sudden wakes up like a brand new zombie. He gets up and starts walking. His woman friend is sort of guiding him toward the door. I give the play-by-play to 911 like, ‘Umm… Ok… cancel the unconsciousness. Now he’s up off the floor and he’s sort of shuffling and…’ (He definitely wasn’t drunk btw. This was some sort of medical thing).

He takes like five steps and he goes over again. Falling like life just left him in a snap. Shoulders first. Matrix unplugged style. People tried to slow his fall but the dead weight thing was just too much. He hit his face on a table and crumbled to the floor again. Out cold. His head started bleeding and I continued giving the 911 person the play-by-play, ‘Ok… He’s down again. He’s dead again…’ I could hear all us 911 callers giving the same info at the same time. And I was thinking this is 911 overkill big time– but how do you hang up on 911 when you’re half-way through the call?

After 30-seconds of straight-out lifelessness– the guy wakes up again! Undead! And this time people tell him to stay down but he doesn’t even seem to see us or hear us. He just gets to his feet and the whole bar in unison goes, ‘No no no no no…!’ Literally everyone was going ‘No no no!’ But he slowly walked outside and sat down on the bench in front of the bar with the woman.

Some people followed him out and kept watch over him until the ambulance came (which took under 10 minutes– but it seemed like a very long time considering we were across the street from a friggin hospital) the EMTs (what a friggin action packed job btw!) threw him in the back and took him away. We never found out what his condition was or whatever. (Narcolepsy?) The bar soon returned to normal. I ate my grilled cheese.

Anyway, a few days later I bumped into the friend who was with me at the bar– and he was like, ‘Hey, man. I saw Crumbles smoking a cigarette out by the Trader Joes. He had a big bandaid on his head but otherwise he seemed totally fine!’ It took me a second– but then I got it. And I was like, ‘Really dude? You’re going full blast nickname on the guy? And ‘Crumbles‘?’

I gotta admit it was a pretty solid nickname though…

ok bye!


the REAL weeze says:


Sad Guy on Comment Board says:

Weeze. Go away. You’re not welcome here.


Cough says:

Though you may think you are first, alas, you are last. Tired, old and last. Hey everyone, look at me, I’m “First” “1st” 4rst”. Oh, so expected. Someday, you’ll not be known for anything. Unless you try. Otherwise the fool who was truly last.

Anonymous says:

I hate you “first” seekers, try real life for a change…make an actual comment on something…flake

Crumbles says:

Why does my head hurt? And who put this friggin’ bandage on my noggin?

poop says:

ha ha tha funy. !

Goats says:

“CRUMBLES!”Real good one!!!!!

Tim says:

I’m an EMT and we see this type of thing all the time at the bars here. Many times the passing out is result of low blood sugars. Alcohol messes up diabetics blood sugars and they go down – sometimes HARD.

I’ll have to keep “Crumbles” in my patient nickname list -good one!

the REALER weeze says:


Sad Guy on Comment Board says:

Weeze. Go away. You’re not welcome here.


Jean_Phx says:

‘Crumbles’ rocks! I’m using that at the next available moment. Can’t wait.

Crumbles says:

No, that’s MY name.

You have to earn it first. Try passing out cold at random and slamming yourself face-first into the closest available table, wrought-iron fence or subway tracks.

Then, we’ll talk.

Bar Buddy says:

Poor Crumbles. At least you made new friends from that experience.

Whuck? says:

He’s humbly bumbling, stumbling, fumbling, mumbling, rumbling, tumbling, and yes, he’s …………….


That shit was funny.

anonymous says:

What a sad story.

-DJ- says:


Why are you now allowing spam links in the comments? Bass fishing? Student loan consolidation? WTF??

oddtodd7 says:

fixed! sometimes they sneak by or i ferget to delete


Poor Crumbles. Must have been embarrassing for him, once he came around enough to know wtf was going on. He must live in dread of people coming up to him and saying “Hey, it’s Crumbles, the face smashing, table crashing passer outer! How you doon?”
I worked out in the bush with a guy who suffered an aneurysm, which as I understood later, meant a larger blood vessel in his head broke. At the time I just remember looking over and seeing him drop like a stone out of the corner of my eye while he still had his brush saw strapped on. I blew the safety whistle like crazy and went to see if he was, OK, but it was lights out nobody home. I figured he was dead for sure. Helped load him into the ETV and figured that’s the last trip for him. Ran into him 1/2 year later, and he told me he now has a small hole in his brain. His emotional control was messed up from it. Poor bastard. I think the Grim Reaper is pissed that one got away.

Phalz212 says:

Todd…you should take a cpr/first aid class for situations like that. You could be a hero and have a song made of you.

school grants says:

nice post. thanks.

Kristy says:

That’s the best ‘happening’ in a while! Very entertaining! Sorry for the dude though. Glad he seems ok. πŸ™‚

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