July 28 2011
So last night I headed out for a couple drinks with a friend and on the way back I walked through a somewhat sketchy area nearby in Brooklyn. Along the way I saw this van all done up with Star Trek stuff so I decided to take a picture of it.
I’m standing there with my iphone pointed at this van (click for larger photo) when all of a sudden I hear someone running down the street straight toward me.
I look over and see this overweight gangsta looking dude trucking at me full speed. He looked pissed or scared or something. My first thought was he was pissed at me for taking a picture of his Star Trek van. Then I thought, ‘What should he care that I’m taking a picture of his Star Trek van?! (complete with Star Fleet Academy transparent college sticker btw).
But there he was running at me. Fast. I froze and started pathetically googling my brain for the karate class I took in 9th grade– hoping to latch on to some kind of Cobra Kai leg spin move like this (:20 second mark):
But I had no default karate move to counter a charging fat guy…
Fortunately, the dude passed by without a second glance at me– or the Star Trek van. He hustled straight past. Moving fast. I felt relief like when you have cop siren lights behind you and you think they’re for you– but they pass you by. All phew.
I go back to taking some more pics of the van– and a minute later this dude in a wife beater and long shorts comes peddling up on a BMX bike. He looked like Eminem’s angry cousin.
He stops and says to me, ‘Yo! Where that fat boy go?’ I was like, ‘Huh?’ He was obviously pissed off. ‘Fat boy come runnin by here just nuh?’ I froze again.
I didn’t want to point out which way the fat boy ran– but I was scared to fully deny it because this guy might redirect his anger at me. Especially if he knows I was lying. I googled my brain for more Cobra Kai moves I never knew– and unsurprisingly came up with nothing. I considered going into crane kick pose– but didn’t think I could pull it off.
Finally I said, ‘I din’t see anything.’ The guy shook his head and peddled away in the direction of the fat boy. And I hustled home. Proud that I didn’t snitch… especially while standing next to a Star Trek van.