July 28 2011

Trekkin’ and Snitchin’

So last night I headed out for a couple drinks with a friend and on the way back I walked through a somewhat sketchy area nearby in Brooklyn. Along the way I saw this van all done up with Star Trek stuff so I decided to take a picture of it.

I’m standing there with my iphone pointed at this van (click for larger photo) when all of a sudden I hear someone running down the street straight toward me.

I look over and see this overweight gangsta looking dude trucking at me full speed. He looked pissed or scared or something. My first thought was he was pissed at me for taking a picture of his Star Trek van. Then I thought, ‘What should he care that I’m taking a picture of his Star Trek van?! (complete with Star Fleet Academy transparent college sticker btw).

But there he was running at me. Fast. I froze and started pathetically googling my brain for the karate class I took in 9th grade– hoping to latch on to some kind of Cobra Kai leg spin move like this (:20 second mark):

But I had no default karate move to counter a charging fat guy…

Fortunately, the dude passed by without a second glance at me– or the Star Trek van. He hustled straight past. Moving fast. I felt relief like when you have cop siren lights behind you and you think they’re for you– but they pass you by. All phew.

I go back to taking some more pics of the van– and a minute later this dude in a wife beater and long shorts comes peddling up on a BMX bike. He looked like Eminem’s angry cousin.

He stops and says to me, ‘Yo! Where that fat boy go?’ I was like, ‘Huh?’ He was obviously pissed off. ‘Fat boy come runnin by here just nuh?’ I froze again.

I didn’t want to point out which way the fat boy ran– but I was scared to fully deny it because this guy might redirect his anger at me. Especially if he knows I was lying. I googled my brain for more Cobra Kai moves I never knew– and unsurprisingly came up with nothing. I considered going into crane kick pose– but didn’t think I could pull it off.

Finally I said, ‘I din’t see anything.’ The guy shook his head and peddled away in the direction of the fat boy. And I hustled home. Proud that I didn’t snitch… especially while standing next to a Star Trek van.

ok bye!
tOdd

21

the REAL weeze says:

FIRRSTT BITCHESSS AND I NO WHERE MR DENG IS AND IM NOT TELLING YOU BITTCHHESS!!!! REAL WEEZE KNOWS ALL ESPECALLY HOW TO BE FIRRRSTTT!!! :-) :-) :-)

Anonymous says:

SWEEP THE LEG YOU FUCKING COCK SUCKER. ALWAYS SWEEP THE LEG !

JT says:

I need to move to Brooklyn. Sounds like constant excitment! Closing Bodegas selling 2 for 1, Star Trek vans, running fatboys, angry Eminem……LOL!!

Living in NY is really like an episode of seinfeld, huh??

Love the posts, todd. Keep ‘em comin’!

Anonymous says:

No Just work for American Airlines and youll get this kind of shit on an Hourly basis!

Bob in Peru says:

Weeze, learn to spell and learn to punctuate. If you KNOW these things, I’m sure you may find a job and move out of your parents’ basement.

Angry Man says:

It’s called a clothesline

Angry Man says:

TAKE YOUR LUMP says:

MORE CARTOONS

Ginger Campaign says:

Mr. Rosenberg, your services would be appreciated once I become President.

VOTE FOR GINGER 2012 :)

Ginger Campaign says:

and by “services”, I mean I could use your help moving my stuff out of my parents basement. By “President” I mean assistant to the assistant manager on overnights at Taco Bell.

Goats says:

I bet the fat boy put one over on eminem….maybe he ate his mother?

Bonerboy says:

Just because someone is fat doens’t mean their innocent. It sounds like that porky fuck was up for a asskick

Anonymous says:

Their what?

Concerned Parent says:

Perhaps alerting a police officer would have been the more appropriate response, tODD??? Just my two cents

Anonymous says:

Concerned Parent,

You should drill a few holes in your skull to alleviate the pressure that is obviously affecting your judgement.

Allears says:

Someone should make a nerdy rap song to this idea

Mike says:

What sucks

Anonymous says:

” I froze and started pathetically googling my brain …” LOL

Who amongst us has not felt exactly the same way?

Dear Diary says:

Yeah, so I was putting some moves on this fine piece of tail when her steady gets all in my face so I figured I should double time it home before I got my ass handed to me.

Then I saw some jackass taking photos of some parked cars but I had bigger problems on my mind so I just kept motoring.

jnnyg says:

I never tire of watching Ralph Macchio getting beat up.

J_OR says:

got 99 problems and a fat kid aint one

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