August 14 2012
So a few weeks or so ago a friend of mine and his wife told me he was coming in to NYC for the weekend. He said he was coming out to Brooklyn and wanted to know if we were around for dinner. I figured him and his wife and me and my gff. All couple-y and stuff.
He wanted Friday. I asked for Saturday. He said he could only do Friday because the other couple was booked on Saturday. I was like, ‘Wait… What other couple?’ He told me they were getting together with another couple and wanted us to come along. I was like, ‘Ohhh! You should have told me that in the first place!’ He was like, ‘What’s the difference? They’re cool.’ I told him it’s a completely different invitation– especially for someone who is fairly anti-social and not enthusiastic about meeting new people.
It’s really a different night altogether. You gotta go through all the basic first round questions before really doing anything. The conversation is different. The vibe is different. The check is different. The amount of personal energy spent is different. You have to listen. Be alert. You can’t be socially lazy.
This applies to more casual invitations too. A while back a friend of mine told me he had an extra Knicks ticket last minute. I of course said yes — but then found out two other guys were going too. Dudes from work. It’s a different invitation. It’s went from ‘hanging at a Knicks game with a friend’ to me being the fourth wheel with ‘Dudes from Work’.
It’s different for me with sports stuff extra because I don’t really care about the Knicks or follow sports. I just really like going to live sports. But when there are ‘Dudes from Work’ there’s a chance of me getting outted and shamed because my knowledge of the Knicks ended when Ewing retired. What if they’re NBA superfans and want to talk Knicks all night? And if they’re all cheering big time I can’t lay there like a fat trout in a plastic chair. I gotta all stand up at three-pointers and hoot and stuff to fake my support.
Bottom line, any social invitation needs to be out there clearly so I can decide what I want and don’t want to do! The invitation of, ‘Wanna go see a Knicks game?’ is radically different than ‘I’m going to the Knicks with a ‘Dudes from Work– wanna come?’ I might go either way. Always happy to be invited. But be upfront about stuff.
Sure, you could say that I could/should just “be myself” in all occasions. But there is a big difference between being myself when I can be myself and the self I can be when I’m being myself with strangers. That’s a totally different being myself to myself!
That’s all. Ok bye!