Christmas 
Fruitcake

1 c water          1 tsp. baking soda
1 c sugar          1 c brown sugar
4 large eggs          2 Tbsp. lemon juice
2 c dried fruit      2 c chopped nuts
1 tsp. salt        1 full bottle of your favorite whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.  Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest
quality. Pour one level cup and drink.  Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.  Beat 1 cup of softened butter in a
large fluffy bowl.  Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again. 

Make sure the whiskey is still okay.  Cry another tup.  Turn
off the mixer.  Break two legs and add to the bowl and chuck
in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix ! on the turner.  If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers,
pry it loose with a drewscriver.  Sample the whiskey to check for
tonsisticity. 

Next, sift 2 cups of salt.  Or something. 
Who cares?

Check the whiskey.  Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table spoon of sugar or something.  Whatever you can
find. 

Grease the oven.  Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.  Don't forget
to beat off the turner.  Throw the bowl out the window. 

Wheck the chiskey again.  Go to bed. 

Who likes fruitcake anyway???

MERRY CHRISTMAS