Wednesday's Screwups!

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When I was in 3rd grade, there was a St. Patrick's Day assembly at my school and for the assembly, the teacher told us that the more green we wore, the more extra credit we would get for the year.  I was determined to wear as much green as possible, so, I found a green dress, green shoes, barrettes and so on but I didn't have green stockings.  Only white.  So, I decided that the only thing I could do was dye the stockings green with green dye.  Well, of course, like many things, I dyed the stockings at the last minute and they looked cool but a little more like tie-dyed stockings than straight green. 
All day, everyone was complimenting me on my cool stockings and then...
At gym, I took the stockings off to but on my gym shorts and discovered that the dye from the stockings had dyed my legs GREEN!  I looked like I had frog legs.  I was mortified and couldn't miss another gym, so, I went out to play kickball and tried to hide my legs with my t-shirt and arms, of course to no avail.
Oh, well.  So, there it is.  I'm not even sure if I got the most extra credit. 
Happy St. Patricks' Day! 
Amy uzi


I'm just the storyteller for this one, as relayed by my co-worker 'Scott'.  Scott is always coming up with funny words or snappy retorts.  While working together, he came out with "smegma", as in "What should I do with all this smegma?"  For some reason, that word bounced around my head like a bad song for a day or so.  Later, I told him about this word I couldn't get out of my head, and he immediately said...yeah, "smegma".  He said it was a real word and told me the definition.  (Don't look it up yet.)  

He also had a story about it, and here it is.  At a previous job, he used the word around another co-worker, who picked up on it and it became part of his vocabulary.  One night, the co-worker was out on a first date and used the word "smegma" to describe something.  His date, who was a physical therapist, gave him a skeptical look and said, "I'm not sure you know the meaning of that word".  He said "It's just a made-up word, I heard it from a guy at work".  She insisted the word was very real, and kindly suggested that he look it up before he continued using it.  After the date, of course he went straight to his dictionary, and there it was..."smegma".  Someone with medical background probably already knows what it means, but for those of us without the benefit of a medical background, here's the definition:  

Scott said the next day the guy nearly took his head off!   Way to make a first impression!  No need for a name, out here in corporate land.


Hi Todd:
Here's my screwup.  One of the most painfully embarrassing moments of my life.  I live in Colorado, and it had snowed a few days before, so I pull in to this very busy car wash to get all the crap off my car.  It was opening weekend for this particular business, so there were tons of people and the management was there, making sure everyone was happy.  This is one of those places that have the "wash it yourself" bays and an automatic carwash attached.  I went for the automatic carwash.  I pull in, get my tire into the little rails, and stop when the flashing sign says stop.  My car gets washed and pretty, and it's time to move forward and dry it.  

So I throw it into drive, punch the gas, and I just sit there.  I give it some more gas, and I'm not moving.  There are lots of people waiting in line behind me, and the manager is standing outside wondering what the frick I'm doing.  I'm getting PO'd because the stupid rails that you put your front left tire into are obviously broke or something and they are not letting my car go.  Finally, the manager walks over, and I roll down the window.  He asks what the problem is, and I go off about how his stupid carwash is broke and it won't let me car go and how it better not be damaging my car.  So he kinda sticks his head in the window, looks at the dash, and goes "Mam, you have your parking break on."  I turned bright red, said "Oh, thanks", popped the parking break, and pulled out of that carwash so fast I was nothing but a streak of blue.  Moral of the story:  You really don't need your parking break on in the carwash... 


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