Wednesday's Screwups (and a dating disaster)!

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Hey Todd,
The following is a true story about how I accidentally flipped off the gym teacher in 4th grade...
Once upon a time, in an elementary school near you, the 4th graders were doing fitness testing.  It was the second or third day of it, also a Friday, and everybody was getting antsy.  One class was up on the stage doing push-ups, while the other class was on the floor doing sit-ups.
Ethan was sitting in the circle of kids on the floor, waiting his turn to do his sit-ups.  Joe, another kid sitting, started opra singing.  Ethan, not wanting to pass up the moment, started warbeling his own tune, with his eyes closed of course. 
Unsespecting to him, his gym teacher was giving him a dirty look.  Now before I continue with this story, I must explain the punishment system for this particular school:: WARNING, TIME-OUT, CALL HOME, and finally PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE.  Now back to the story, the look was a warning, so the teacher sent Ethan to sit in the corner for time-out.  He was very sad but started acting like a total jackass and being loud again. 
As class ended, the teacher approached Ethan and asked why he was having such a bad day with her.  Ethan, not wanting to put up with her shit, tried to block the sound of her voice.  He STUCK HIS MIDDLE FINGERS IN HIS EARS!!
Later that day, the office called the class and called young Ethan to the office.  Ethan goes in and talks to the evil Vice Principal.  SHE WAS A VERY EVIL CUNNIVING BITCH by the way!!  She had this terrible gut feeling that Ethan had intentionally flipped of the gym teacher and she would do anything to prove this.
Knowing his fate, Ethan did the only thing he knew would make his punishment lessen...He did the most degrating thing a 4th grade boy could do...HE CRIED!!  As a result, he only had to spend the rest of the day in the office, ISS (in school suspention)!!  Not that bad!!
Yeah, that is my story!!
c ya lata ya'll!!
St. Louis, MO


Hey Todd, I have a wednesday screwup for you to post

So today I was out in my back yard, and since it was
spring, we decided to let our cats out to roam free.
One got through our fence, so I had to climb over and
get it. I pull myself over and one of the spikes on
the fence grabbed onto my pant leg and ripped it right
in half. It was my best pair of shorts too.

P.S. Your site is great for me since I get bored a lot
and have a lot of free time. I bought your book
yesterday and it's on it's way from

For the longest time, I was talking to this guy ---- online.  He didn't have a picture, which was fine with because he described himself fairly descriptively, except that he kept saying he had very light blonde hair.  Now, I grew up in a primarily Polish area, so light blonde hair is often sort of standard around here.

He knew several of my friends and they all said what a nice guy he was, how fun he was to hang out with, and that he was extremely safe, so I thought, "Okay, I'll give this a shot".  We agreed to meet at his house one night, around dinner time.  He was going to cook for me...

So I get to his house at the appointed time and go and ring the doorbell.  It's dark so I can't clearly make out who is opening the door for me.  All I can tell is that this man looks significantly older, because of his strikingly white hair.  So I introduce myself and say "You must be ---- grandfather.  I'm Jen."

The silence that followed was almost deafening.  Finally he invites me in, saying, "Actually, I'm ----."  What ---- (and all of the friends who sang his praises) had failed to tell me was that he was an albino, catching me more then off gaurd.

I was so embarrassed by my mistake I made up an excuse about having to run, and just wanting to stop by so it didn't look like I had blown him off for the night.  I got half way home before calling a mutual friend and saying, "Um, did you forget to mention something to me about ----'s appreance?" to which I just got a quick, "Oops".  To make matters worse, he then went around to everyone saying I had lied about what I looked like (I actually had pictures up at the time), as if saying "I have very light blonde hair" when you mean "white hair" isn't a lie.


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