Wednesday's Screwups!

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This screwup occurred just the other day. My wife was the matron of honor for a recent wedding. The week before it happened, there were multiple functions to go to, like a trip to the Magic Castle (in LA), the rehearsal dinner, etc. One of the things the couple did was have a cocktail party for the two families and the wedding party. And the spouses of the wedding party, so I got to go.
So about two hours before the party, was going to start, my wife gets this frantic call from the bride asking us to come over early and help set up. My wife and I had plans already with a friend, but my wife is a good matron and dropped everything to go over, which meant I had to go over early as well. I hate going to parties early, but what are you gonna do? So I pretty much grumble all the way over about how we have to set our lives aside for this dumb wedding. My wife is pretty patient, so she let's me get it out of my system before saying that she understands my frustration, but please be nice and don't make any comments. Pretty fair.
So I paste a big grin on when we get there and start helping (even though the BRIDE isn't there yet) to set up. I make no comments and even say how nice it is that they're doing this. I'm being a good boy.
About an hour later, people start to arrive. There are about six of us milling around at this point, setting things up. The first couple through the door is some friends of the groom. The wifey in this couple is wearing this big poncho and resting her hands on her stomach. She's kind of large, too. So being a complete moron, I blurt out "Oh, so you're pregnant?" She isn't.
The entire room went dead silent, and the lady says "Excuse me, what did you just say?" in a very pissed off tone. I wanted to jump out the window. After what seemed like forever, everyone started talking again. I thought I was in big trouble, but the bride, groom, and my wife all thought it was funny and had similar stories. I didn't speak to the lady again though.
So, the moral of the story is don't ask fat women if they're pregnant until they bring it up.
d, Los Angeles


Hola tOdd,

I have a linguistics class in about 8 minutes, just sittin <a href=””>at the hub,</a>and thought of this story that happened earlier this year at school that left me thinking <i>oh sh*t</i>.

Okay, so when I first came to school, my mom said to me, “You know, Lauren, you know Dave who your dad worked with?”


“well… his daughter goes to Penn State” (this is the bazillionth time she’s said something like that)

“Oh.. .nice..”

“You should give her a call.. make friends [blah blah blah blah]”

Keep in mind that my dad worked at the local electric company, so you can only imagine the type of people he worked with. This guy’s daughter wasn’t too far off, from that personality type either.

So I got in touch with her, actually she wanted to meet me to sell me her football tickets. Once we got talking, we told stories about our dads. We were having a nice time talking, laughing, etc. She was easy to get along with; I thought I was making my first good friend at school. Then she says to me, “.. Ha, I thought when you said ‘Dave’ earlier you were talking about my dad.”

“Haha no, I was talking about another Dave. My dad works with, like, a thousand Dave’s, I swear to god. Like.. all the Dave’s in the world are electrical engineers, and then my mom… she and nurse and works with all the Patty’s in the world. Haha that’s like the typical 80s couple or something. All the electrical engineer Dave’s marry all the Nurse Patty’s”

(in a really offended tone) “Hey!….. my mom’s named Patty…..”

Uh oh….. That’s when I could feel my face drop from an excited smile into panic mode… <i>what do I do? What do I do? Uhh uhh….</i> I was at a total loss for words. I managed to nervously squirt out “Ha.. oh sorry…” I think it turned out all right, but for the moment there, I was in total panic.

Then later in the semester, she was over at my room and we were watching something on the TV or computer. It was all flashy and junk, you know. And I just made the comment “Whoa… hope you don’t have epilepsy watchin this thing”

(in that same offended tone, with a pinch of anger) “Hey… my dad has epilepsy…”

Ahhh!!! I don’t even remember how I recovered from that comment, I just remember feeling like first class A-hole. But she and I hang out a lot and party together. So all’s good. J

The (4)th email from this family… hah




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