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Considering Detoxing It Up

So anyway, every now and then I feel like my body (by the way, I do have an awesome natural physique if you ignore the chicken legs, no butt, never-lifted arms, slouchy slouch, and roundy gut) calls out for some sort of bad food/drink detox thing. Go all pure. No beer, no wine, no red meat, no other meat, no processed food, no bad things, no white sugar, no caffeine and all that. Just go clean hardcore.

It's not that I feel unhealthy. I just sometimes think it would actually be healthy for the hell of it-- and I'd be curious to see how I'd feel afterwards. Like would I feel superman style awesome after going on a juice diet for 7-days? And bonus by losing the 10 lbs that I've been working on losing for over 3 years now? Would I be psyched? Or after a few days would I just be lying on the couch pantless in a t-shirt watching the phone ring from across the room and moaning about cookies and yelling at the phone to shut up?

So I google around at the different varieties or detox diets. Raw foods only. Herbal whatever. Doody blast focused stuff. The lemonade diet. The water only thing. Bubble Yum only all day everyday diet. And the more I google the less realistic it gets. And I'll also read more and more that its unnecessary. That our bodies can deal with detox just fine. That's what peeing is all about (OOOH BIG THUNDER CRACK JUST NOW AWESOME!!!! Roscoe nicely unaffected...) or whatever.

Anyway, I think it probably would just be an interesting challenge more than a necessity of sorts. Maybe like a fun way of losing 10lbs in a week or whatever? And something my body wants? Or maybe I'm just bored with what's in my fridge? I dunno...

ok bye!

PS> Mike Tyson's Abandoned Mansion. The house that boxing built.


Anonymous Mandy said...

Ha! I love it. I played so much Mario Kart in high school, that brings back so many memories.

7/26/2008 6:43 PM  
Blogger Tee said...

shouldn't you be working, not surfing and takin stinky cabs

7/26/2008 8:03 PM  
Anonymous Horrible Ed said...

Spiders in the asshole is very much the same as what you describe. Please allow me to elaborate:

7/26/2008 9:31 PM  
Anonymous fbi dude said...

Can you delete horrible Ed? He's beyond weird... going to prison weird.

7/26/2008 10:02 PM  
Anonymous Horrible Ed said...

No one can "delete" Horrible Ed. Trust me, in prison, I am considered quite normal. You on the other hand, will become my beautiful diamond if you like. I will polish you every day and keep you so, so shiny.

7/27/2008 9:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Objective research shows that "detoxing" makes absolutely no difference to your health. Your body is remarkable efficient at removing toxins all on its own. You want to eat good foods just to eat good foods, that is fine but it won't purify anything.

7/27/2008 9:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, and that 10 pound weight loss is a temporary drop due to your body burning up its carbohydrate reserves due to you starving yourself. After the 2 week mark, your body will get all defensive by switching to starvation mode. You will have massive carb cravings and you will feel like hell. This is the point where most people fall off their diet, binge eat, and gain the 10 pounds back along with a few extra "for next time".

7/27/2008 9:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So I did a report on this for school. Apparently I got stuck with the lame health project, so I tarted it up all fancy-like and made my paper ultra-dramatic. Basically, though, "detox" diets do one (or both) of two things. They either deprive you of food, thereby burning carbs (not fat) and putting your body into starvation mode, or depriving you of water/replacing it with poop juice. In both cases, you lose "quick weight," IE weight that is the carbs in your muscles so you lose muscle mass or the water in your body so you lose absolutely nothing. No food means your body treats any food that comes in as food to store for later, so more fat. Don't detox, just eat healthy foods for a week, watch your vitamin and calorie intake, and stay awesome.

7/28/2008 1:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

While I'm not a fan of the "detox" craze, you will feel better if you eat a more healthy diet, cut the calories, and lose a few pounds. I wouldn't cut out the caffiene, as this will help you get through the transition.

White sugar and white flour = white death. Horrible stuff.

Also, don't cut out meat! We didn't fight our way to the top of the food chain just to eat carrots! Your front 12 teeth are there for eating MEAT. The incisors slice meat and the canines grip and tear. Nature is telling you to eat meat! Just don't over do it.

Mmmmmm..... meat......

7/28/2008 7:40 AM  
Anonymous Jon Kay said...

man, i thought i didn't like spiders!

7/28/2008 8:10 AM  
Anonymous B-Man said...

Holy shit that tyson house is KRAZZEEE!!!

7/28/2008 11:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I tried the detox thing, to uncover food allergies. The one I tried wasn't about starvation. You weren't supposed to let yourself go hungry. Chicken was on the menu, but no red meat, no processed foods, no sugar, eggs or diary.

I found it was a lot of work, because no processed foods mean that you have to make everything yourself.

I never did find out what foods I was allergic to. I did learn how to cook/make a bunch of healthy stuff that I never would have taken the time to learn. Even years later, I still don't eat as many processed foods, because it's better to make it yourself.

7/29/2008 1:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My 2 cents on detox diets: Avoid all the starvation/liquid only stuff-not a good idea. But if you want to eat "pure" for a short time, you will likely feel a difference. Your body does detoxify itself, but it wasn't built for all the preservatives and artificial stuff. Try eating fairly normal, but avoid overly salty foods, sugary foods, and processed foods. (If it comes in a bag or box, don't eat it!) Avoid caffiene and beer. Avoid fast food. Try it for a few days. You probably won't lose weight, but you may feel better. YOu may find you prefer eating less processed stuff. Or you may miss the pringles and fudge striped cookays.

8/01/2008 5:22 PM  

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