May 11 2011

Corn Muffin Mystery

So this morning I met a friend out for breakfast at some coffee house place. There were all sorts of muffins there. Blueberry. Banana Nut. Something something chocolate. Whatever. And there sitting among all the colorful fruity exciting muffins was a sad looking one-toned corn muffin. I stared at that corn muffin and wondered who among muffin lovers (or muffin eaters) says, ‘You know what? I’ll have the corn muffin!’

Is a corn muffin really at the top of anyone’s muffin list??

A corn muffin is like a muffin stripped down to nothing and tainted with corn? That’s it, right? I guess real corn lovers might gravitate more toward corny foods– but a corn muffin doesn’t even taste that much like corn. It’s kinda just like stale muffin with maybe a rougher texture or something.

So who chooses it first?

It might fall into the category of people who don’t like stuff all in or over in their stuff. Like people who don’t want dressing on salad or ketchup on hamburgers. There’s a breed of people out there that just want their food simple and bland. Maybe that’s what the corn muffin people are about? But I know alot of people who go bland that way– I simply don’t know anybody who would choose a corn muffin when there are other options available.

Perhaps corn muffins have like no gluten or there’s some no-sugar hook I don’t know about in the corn muffin world– but dietary restrictions are no excuse for the popularity. They’ve been around for too long to be supported by people with cadillac disease or whatever.

I dunno. I guess there are alot of things out there that I don’t get. Like people who get ‘plain’ bagels or people order straight vanilla ice cream cones (chocolate chips make it worse??). Sure with simple stuff there’s a simplicity there that I understand– but simple just never seems like a consistent first place finisher. Ten varieties bagels and NONE of the ones with stuff one em are right??

Anyway, I ended up actually ordering the corn muffin to ‘test’ to see if I was missing anything. I bypassed the blueberry and the cinnamon and whatever– passed up the whole muffin funbunch for a corn muffin. Just to be fair. Just to see. And you know what? It was alright. It wasn’t terrible. Just tasted like it was missing something or needed something.

And simply not nearly as good as most of the other muffins.

ok bye!


Goats says:

Dude, you passed up a BLUEBERRY muffin for a generic boring Corn muffin? WTF is wrong with you (just kidding…)

As long as there is cream cheese, I enjoy a corn muffin anyday…though I do like blueberry muffins better–with cream cheese.

Anonymous says:

Now I’ve seen a lot of bullshit. Angel dust. Switchblades. Sexually perverse photography exibits involving tennis rackets. But this. This is the greatest thing ever.

g says:

the problem is you ate it on it’s own. it needs to have a little butter on it, some honey and be paired with bbq

RZ says:

Corn muffins definitely need butter, lots of it melting all over (I cut mine in half, horizontally, and separately butter each steaming piece). BUT – they should really have pieces of corn kernels in them, and preferably some small jalepeno pieces, in order to give them a more interesting texture and flavor. And be served piping hot.

HEY says:

the “Muffins” written backwards was a nice touch. A+

Krystal says:

Fell out of bed feeling down. This has brihgetned my day!

Justis says:

Stadns back from the keyboard in amazement! Thanks!

yd says:

All the other muffins laughed at the corn muffin. “Who would want a plain corn muffin?” sneered the blueberry muffin. “You are not delicious like us! You will be thrown away!” laughed the cinnamon muffin.

A tear rolled down the corn muffin’s cheek. But then the shop door opened, and a kindly-looking man with glasses came in. He walked slowly past the display case, looking at all the muffins. Finally he stopped in front of the sad, lonely corn muffin. “Shopkeeper, I will have this fine corn muffin please,” said the man.

A smile lit up the corn muffin’s face as he was proudly placed in a paper bag. The kindly man and the happy corn muffin left the shop and lived happily ever after. The end.

Nicol says:

I’m the dork that likes a corn muffin. BJ’s wholesale had the best ones. Add some butter and eat it warm. Yeah…….

My Butt Here says:

Corn muffins are great with so many breakfast items. But to just eat that as the whole breakfast maybe it is just a particular taste. For me it would take alot of butter to be able to eat it and then it would just be eating butter with some corn muffin by then.

Nephi says:

Very true! Makes a change to see soeomne spell it out like that. 🙂

Lore says:

Your answer was just what I ndeeed. It’s made my day!

Guest says:

Maybe your bakery has gross corn muffins but when they are made right, nice and warm with butter they are one of the better muffins around.

hebba says:

Oh, see now, any time I get a blueberry muffin just to cause it looks good, I always regret it. Corn muffins rule! I like the nice, gritty texture and the nutty taste. Give me corn muffins any time.

Daysia says:

Wow! That’s a really neat anewsr!

Isabelle says:

Good point. I hadn’t thouhgt about it quite that way. 🙂

YD, that was sweet says:

Your story is the equivalent of Charlie Brown getting to kick the football.

Corn Hole says:

I make my own corn muffins, I eat 1 pound of corn uncooked, 3 raw eggs, and a bowl of flour and 100 packets of sugar. 12 hours later I am shatting them out my own special easy bake oven. I put them in a paper cuppy thingee and sell them to you.

Guest says:

You are trying too hard. Log off for awhile.

Zoe says:

LOL I do like my hamburger with just the meat and the bread, and eat vanilla icecream – no frills, just the vanilla, please – but I do not consider that bland – I eat to enjoy that taste, not the taste of ketchup or chocolate chips 😉 But I am partial to blueberry muffins!

Rina says:

yd that little story was too cute!! made me smile and say “awww” :p

the REAL weeze says:


Anonymous says:

I’m a baker at a coffee shop and I love corn muffins. I would always pick the corn muffin first. But then I’m a savory breakfast kind of guy. Not into sweet chocolate, berry, candy muffins.
I tried making a batch of corn muffins once for the local constituency and they didn’t sell.
I guess we corn muffin fans are a rare breed.
Also tried bacon, cheddar, chive muffins which were AMAZING and sold not-a-one. Ended up eating them all myself, which was just fine.

HEY says:

I could go for a bacon cheese chive muffin right now.

Anonymous says:

They’re damn good.

Anonymous says:

They are better smeared with chocolate syrup, did you try that?

oddtodd7 says:

Does sound pretty good…

flowy dress waitress says:

you know what I don’t get? Blueberry stuff. Why is there blueberry everthing? what’s so special about blueberries?

corn muffins are nice to have with butter and jam. butter and jam is kind of too much for most other muffins.

Jake says:

Corn muffins and honey butter are a great combo.

Mahalia says:

You’ve got it in one. Couldn’t have put it btteer.

Judy says:

This forum needed sahnkig up and you’ve just done that. Great post!

MsM says:

Muffins are just a way to allow you to eat cake for breakfast.

Odd Todd says:

Lol @ the corn story 🙂

Chris Rock says:

Ain’t nuthin wrong with that.

Nick says:

I like corn muffins if there’s butter nearby. I pass otherwise.

cb1 says:

corn muffin crumbled up in my chili, mofo!

cb1 says:

oh, and them toast-r-cakes that were like corn muffin discs that you toast up wit sum butter. word.

Arwen says:

Corn muffins, if they are sweet and not savory, are my very favourite muffin.

Lenna says:

That’s way the bestest aswner so far!

CaptainBob says:

Sniffum muffins. Smell good, dont they?

Me :) says:

Mmmmmm corn muffins that are hot and fresh with a little butter (the real stuff, none of that sissy margarine) and a lot of honey…..its a little piece of paradise. But again-i’m Southern 🙂

Medusa says:

Corn muffins are hmm ok I guess, depends on how they are made.
Probably no healthier than any other muffin though, gotta add extra sugar to get the muffin effect.

lynn says:

them corn muffins is great! who you kidding? I am glad you don’t like them – more for me!

poor corn muffin, don’t feel bad. they just don’t understand you.

WTF?!?!?!? says:

Corn muffins gives be explosive diarrhea. Needless to say I try to eat corn muffins a couple times a day.

Deon says:

Wow, your post makes mine look febele. More power to you!

Anonymous says:

I work at a muffin restaurant and we have a green chile and cheese corn muffin. DELICIOUS! And its even better cut in half with egg in it. Maybe some bacon or sausage, and more cheese. Its also really good with soup. Mmm… now I feel the need to go get one.

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