July 27 2010

Dear Dickish Bagel Shop,

You are not my local bagel shop.

I don’t go into your place often because I have my bagel place– but sometimes in a moment of weakness while walking the dog I’ll head to your bagel store. For a bagel and iced coffay. And seriously every single time I patronize your place I get the same treatment. It’s almost like your customer service policy is from the bizarro world or something.

First off, I walk in the door and immediately get glared at by your cashier. She gives me a look that I would assume is exclusively reserved for shirtless men carrying cats. Then she looks away like ‘Uch. This guy again…?’ Hey! I’m in your shop once every six months, Sunshine!

Second, some dick in a baseball hat looks at me and nods as if he’s ready to take my order. When I start talking he rudely cuts me off and points at someone else. Hey! What the hell did you nod at me for?!

Three, the order guy seems extra annoyed that I am asking him to make me a bagel. He gives me that blank stared– ‘Yeah, I’ll get your fkin bagel but I ain’t gonna be happy about it. At all.‘ vibe. WTF! What did I do? The sign outside says, ‘Bagels’!!

Fourthly, after ordering ‘bagel with vegetable cream cheese’— without fail you re-ask me what kind of cream cheese I want. And when I say, ‘Vegetable. And just a little bit, please.‘ — You look at me like I just asked for a delicate sprinkling of pink sprinkles. Hey! I’m not a cream cheese wimp! The only reason I ask for “a little” is because you go 5 inches cream cheese thick otherwise! (btw since when is everyone so mental with the extra gloppy cream cheese, anyway?!)

Fifth, you take forever. And ever. Usually around ten minutes to get the stupid bagel together– untoasted! Umm… Maybe the hold up is all the people jammed up at the cashier complaining about something missing from their order?

So, yesterday when I spilled my full iced coffee all over your counter I wasn’t surprised by your attitude…

First off! The only reason I spilled the friggin iced coffee was because you didn’t tighten down the plastic lid!! You only placed it on top without battening it down!? Sneaky! So yes, when I picked it up I expected the lip to hold at least a little bit– but then it slipped and tipped and went everywhere. Full out. Splashed your Lotto machine and everything…

So what’s your move after the disaster? You say, ‘Uch…’ and plop a disgusting dirty fresh from the toilet looking wet rag down in front of me and walk away?!

‘Oh… you want me to…? Oh this gross soggy rag is for me?’ Hey Toots! (Yes, I went ‘Toots’!) The rag isn’t for me! The top wasn’t on! So the spill was actually your fault! Sorta! In any case, you are supposed to clean it up because you work there and spills happen! Part of the job! Your job!

We had a moment of high-noon standoff before you grumpily started wiping it up! Which was fine by me! (I helped with napkins) Then when you gave me the replacement iced coffay– I did snarkily ask, ‘Is the lid on this time?’ I needed to let you know that you were actually responsible for the prior lid lax thus spillage!

In the end, your bagels are really friggin good which keep me coming back (every six months). But man, I don’t think I’ve ever been in a place that is so consistently rude and angry and all that.

I don’t like you dickish bagel shop! And that is all I have to say to you today.

And with that I say good day, sir!

ok bye!


crankor says:

this post sucks clean up your own messes dick

WTF?!?!?!?! says:

No bagel, no matter how good, is worth that shitty attitude. Take your business elsewhere. And then call the Board of Health on them for the gross rag on the counter.

Jackass says:

let them clean it up, its there job….It was an accident caused by them not putting the lid on.

Anonymous says:

go fuck yourself you dont like customers get out of retail

Stoner McDope says:

I’ve sure got the munchies now…

Crumbles says:

I stop in there all the time- and every time I pick up my coffeWHAM

the REAL weeze says:


Nicol says:

“The sign outside says, โ€˜Bagelsโ€™”
Oh my eyes are watering from laughing. Years ago I used to go to a little cafe in my office complex. They put mounds of cream cheese on the bagels. Can I have some bagel with that cream cheese please?

RayG says:

It seems to me like YOU might be the dick. FYI It isn’t easy working behind a counter all day!

Maine-uh says:

I did, and you’re right…it isn’t easy…AT ALL! But you get what you give, and when you give excellent customer service (which was my standard for 12 years), you get excellent customers! This worked when I did my time with the King, and while I was at Tim’s place. Would you happen to be one of the Bagel busters RayG?

SS says:

You Dick…Odd Todd ain’t the dick. People are lucky to have jobs these days! No reason for such treatment at any time.


KittyKarin says:

I know it’s not an easy job to have but that doesn’t give you license to be rude to customers and be bad at your job! I work in Customer Service and I have to deal with people calling upset sometimes… but you don’t take it out on the next person who calls. Plaster a freakin’ smile on your face and get over it! You’re not a indentured servant, no one is forcing you to work there!

Goats says:

You should whip out your wnag and pee on their counter….or their floor.

WTF?!?!?!?! says:

WTF is a “WNAG”?!?!? A radio station for nagging wives?!?!?!

MsM says:

Bad customer service is everywhere these days. Workers in jobs like that are angry, because they think, A. Their parents should still be supporting them so they can spend their days they way they think they are entitled to, or B.They think they are way too good to be serving the public, because they know how to play video games better than their friends, or are way cool, and think everyone they don’t know is not cool, C. They hate their life, the job, the manager, in fact they hate everything. They are the bullies in cyberspace.

lol says:

I fail to see how working behind a counter making bagels and coffee is a hard job. Argue all you want, but it isn’t hard.

K-Tel says:

tODD you spilled a ice coffay all over their counter but THEIR the dicks????

WTF?!?!?!?! says:

THEY didn’t put the lid on correctly. If it was HOT coffee and someone got burned, the resulting lawsuit could have both put them out of business AND set Todd up financially for a very long time.

Maybe then he could GET TO WORK ON %@$#&*% NUMBER NINE ALREADY.

Rina says:

It’s “They’re” not “Their”

Clearly wnag is misspelled “wang”

tOdd you must REALLY love the bagels there to endure such treatment every time you go. I commend you

Wnag says:

Like my wnag?

MsM says:

It is their job to clean up spills. I know someone who has to clean up the mess in the men’s bathroom at a gas station that drunks make after the bars close. If she knows who did it, she can get them banned, but she still has to clean it up.

yellowdog says:

Is this that genuine famous “New York Surly Service” we hear about from time to time? Where the food is great but the service is terrible but you put up with it anyway, a la Soup Nazi?

Anyway, good for you Todd for not cleaning up the mess. Whether it was your fault, her fault, or some combination of the two, it’s good that you didn’t let yourself get walked over.

Amy says:

LOL shirtless men holding cats

Anon says:

Funniest post in a while

gunfever says:

fuck you

The Gayme says:

Welcome back, Wigger Boy. I’ve missed you and our lil’ gay times together. Get donkey punched much lately?


Pookie says:

This was a funny post. We should have the right to reach around and smack the crap out of the back of the heads of these snot nosed pimple faced brats!

Pookie says:

And yes RayG it is that easy of a job, that’s why they hire kids to do it.

theresa says:

I worked for many years in retail and prided myself on keeping my sense of humor and treating people well even on the worst of days. When it got too hard to do that, I found something else to do. Yes it’s hard to work behind that counter, maybe it doesn’t take a brain surgeon to put together a bagel and coffee, but there’s a lot going on all at once and everyone wants to be first, and no one cares how YOUR day is going. The only way to make it better is to change your own attitude and let the negative stuff go….give them another chance in 6 months!!

C.J. says:

Great post, the last line really had me laughing…

Beavis J.Smith III Of Scotland says:

Swing in the breeze like Saddam bagel shop a-holes!

seriously: says:

Just tell the ppl exactly what you posted, why is it so hard for people to communicate? Ask them why they are rude everytime you walk in, better yet take it to the owner of the bagel shop. The ppl making minimum wage probably don’t care, it’s all the same for them at the end of the day. But still, tell them that they are rude, you don’t feel you deserve that and many people are out of jobs right now who would enjoy serving bagels. I found out when I communicate my feelings at restaurants for incompetent behavior and just don’t stand for it, I feel better, and I usually walk out with free food or coupons or an apology. I agree with you, Todd, those ppl are wrong for being so rude to you, but dude, you have got to go to the source! Tell them in person, not with some internet post! If you don’t want to do it in person, call the better business bureau or write them an actual letter, snail mail! Anyway, I can relate, I hate it when ppl are continually rude. I can see some ppl having a bad day, etc., but if every 6 months you get the same routine, someone has got to do something about this behavior and who better than you. You walk in there again, tell them exactly what you think, you can do that without being rude about it, and then post back what response you get! And make sure you talk to the owner!

WTF?!?!?!?! says:

Two words why this probably won’t happen: “confrontation issues”.

Sunny says:

I say you should find a different bagel shop even if they are good. why keep supporting their business when they treat you like crap? As for the iced coffay, I am glad you made them clean it up. They’re the ones working and getting monay, so it was their job to clean up any messes. Still nice of you to help though with napkins even though they didn’t deserve any help from you. Oh well. Don’t take any crap from anyone, Todd! Rock on.

Medusa says:

seriously: is so right, but if they are still in business after bad service 6 months at a time perhaps they don’t care from the top to the bottom, all year long and people just go their anyway.
I bet though if that’s the case it’s just a tax write off for someone, or something else. If they look like a business and occasionally sell some bagels then no one pays them any attention.
You should just go back and be a bad customer, complain loudly about the weather, cough super loud alot, blow your nose like its really messy and hand the tissues to the counter help asking them to dispose of it for you. Place your order, pay in small change, and as you leave just set those nasty panties you got a while back from the new cleaning service you used on a table or shelf for them to find later.
Hey they will never forget you after that, the spilt coffee was a good start.
I mean if they are going to be rude for no reason why not give them one for future use.
It’s not like roscoe peed on their floor. Right?

Z says:

Dude, I love your stories, tOdd. I love how you sneaked in there the info about how the bagels are so good that it keeps you coming back despite the rude treatment (every six months).

I love iced coff-ay too.

Love, Z

Katherine says:

Mr. Odd, very funny posting; thanks. One piece of advice: DO NOT GO BACK TO THIS PLACE. I have worked in the restaurant business for many years. Whether someone is ordering a bagel, a sandwich, or a thirty dollar entree in a fine dining establishment, they should NEVER be treated so poorly. The managers/owners of this place you describe are the scourge of my industry. They make us all look bad. Also, not to frighten you, but if the towel they put on the counter (for YOU to use?!) was so dirty, imagine what goes on – cleanliness wise – that you don’t see. Ew. I’ll bet their prep area is filthy and disorganized. For the love of God (and the preservation of the dignity of all us hard-working folks in GOOD establishments) help put them out of business. Don’t give them one more dollar.
Everyone deserves better than that.

Anonymous says:

I’m with stony mcdope on this one, I got the muuuunchies.

As far as asshole service people, they’re probably in their own miserable little hell. Better off leaving them there.

Wish’em luck while buisness goes down the crapper.

Bagel Nazi says:

No bagel for you, you come back six months!

Anonymous says:

I think that’s your fault coming in there and acting like an idiot.

Mr Bill says:

Burn it to the ground!

Kramer says:


Anonymous says:


Don Coreoneski says:

Is it that place on Smith and President? It’s a mob place, like Sinatra’s Cuckoos Nest Cafe used to be. I went in there once and some goombah in a $3,000 suit with jewlery all over him served me coffee. He was nice and all, but then again, aside for the coffee, I didn’t owe him any money!

Cross says:

No bagels for you!

Anonymous says:

Typical GenXer. Whine, cry, wail and gnash your teeth, little one, the world is not the lollypop-filled wonderland of your mommy’s fairy tales. it is a cold, harsh, unwelcoming environment and in it … (prepare yourself) … the customer is not always right. The customer is a fuckin’ douchebag, okay?

Either you suck it up and accept your place in our society or curl up into your fantasy-land of *how things should be* and die quietly.

Anonymous says:

So where do you park your dog during these every six month adventures? And does the dog get the last bite of the bagel? My husband and I take our dog walking, and he waits outside with the dog while I go in for the treats. I suggest you find someone to walk with and let them deal with the bagel shop while you wait outside. I don’t think they like you in there.

Sh!tForBra!ns says:

Here’s the dealio- if they were disorganized their first day open, it would be one thing, but if they can’t get the bagel-and-coffee schtick together after this much time, something’s seriously f@$%ed up here.

I mean, even McDonalds- which has a much larger menu than “bagels and coffee”- has it down to such a science that even the semi-brain-dead people you sometimes find working there have no problem filling your order.

Even I know this, and I have, well, sh!t for bra!ns.

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