October 01 2012

Dear Ghost(s)…

Dear Ghost or Ghosts Who Live In My Apartment,

You’re freaking out my dog and I want it to stop.

I realize this building was built in 1832 so you probably have squatters rights or whatever so you can legally screw around in here — but I’d like you to change your “scary” game. Haunting my dog is getting on my nerves. I upsets me to see him upset. I’d rather be upset by your shenanigans.

When Roscoe stares in the corner of the room at nothing and barks. Or when he comes running into the bedroom in a panic and jumps into the bed with us. Shaking and panting — it’s sort of pathetic. Haunting a dog? That’s your thing?? Weak sauce.

Change it up! Move some stuff around in here! Slam down a window! Dump out everything in the fridge and go all Paranormal Activity up in here with swinging lights or whatever. Pull out a chair! Rattle crap! But stop messing with my boy. If you’re making faces at him or pretending you’re hanging from a noose or whatever gigglies you’re getting from haunting him… It’s enough. It’s amateur, bro.

I don’t mind you living here and I’m totally fine with you doing scary stuff to me (frankly, you proving there’s an afterlife would be well worth whatever scare tactic you’d use to do so)- but don’t make me make you my GB! (Ghost bitch). I’ll ghostbust your ass with some smudge stick nun-chucks or whatever! Ectoplaz your colonial nutsack if this sht don’t stop!

Step up your game or head into the light with Carol Anne!

Just leave Roscoe alone. Please?

ok bye!


klobster says:

he probably forgot you moved and scared himself.

Chester says:

It’s probably the ghost of the dismembered body parts that are encased within your walls.

The Ghost says:

It’s not my fault that your dog is wuss. Also you can’t harm me.

Who You Gonna Call? says:


Your Ghost says:

Dear whiner who is living in MY apartment,

I have been here longer than you have been alive and you think you can just show up and start making demands? You threaten me with a bunch of phony mumbo-jumbo you saw on TV and I am supposed to be scared? I don’t think so.

It is not my fault or problem your dog is such a chicken. I’m just minding my own business and he is the one freaking out. If you think I’m going to hide in the closet except for when that little dust mop is out taking a piss, you can forget it.

Trust me. Your day is coming. You think I’m going to just sit back while my apartment is being invaded by a Croc wearing, cookie eating, coffee slurping shut-in that wears a robe all day and uses terms like “weak sauce”?

I’m just getting warmed up.

See you soon,
The Ghost

PS – I’m not your bro, bro.

Slenghoff says:

I say you should go for some good get backs. Misplace some of his important things, throw away notes for appointments, delete messages, texts and email on his phone and computer. Turn the clocks back when he wakes up and then turn them ahead when he gets out of the bathroom or shower. Drop things when he’s jerking off or loving the GF at just the right time. Screw with the thermostat, make the faucet drip and the toilet run. Change the expiration dates on his food. Make him drop stuff. Mess with the stove while he’s cooking. He can’t do anything to get you so, just have at it.

SithSnoopy says:

Dude, sorry your dog is being haunted. 🙁

Might want to get a few cameras out… maybe it’s creaking pipes?

If it’s really paranormal, you want God’s help. No yelling at it/them yourself. Get a priest or a minister in there. Ask Jesus/God for help. I’d say ask the deity of your choice, but I’m Christian. I believe in your right to your own beliefs, and my right to my own beliefs. And I believe in my/your right to agree/disagree with your/my beliefs, lol. 🙂 So, no disrespect intended. I just want to recommend what I think will actually help.

Seriously, Dude, if you really have a ghost/demon/something outside the natural world in your apartment, you should probably get some help to get it out. If it’s scaring your dog, it’s probably not a good thing.

What if... says:

the ghost is a woman and she really likes you Todd. Then she saw your would-be wife.

Because this lost-lover can’t have you, she is taking out her frustrations on Roscoe.

EVA says:

Google (or Bing) “Dogs and ghosts”. After reading several postings I do believe Roscoe is sensing a ghost. Good luck to poor Roscoe.

EVA says:

Okay…my suggestion is that you go to the corner and have a friendly chat with whatever; explain that Roscoe is terified and reason with it. I would do this but you can bet your bottom dollar I would NOT tell a soul…and I am really glad we don’t have to use our true identities to post.


after you sober up read your post again, then write another about how your account got “hacked”.

besides everyone knows that ghosts do have computers, you have to leave notes written in blood under your guest bed, duh.

Anonymous says:

Does the ghost read your blog?

Guest says:

Nobody else does. Why would the ghost?

MIzelle says:

Smudge-Stick nun-chucks! I need those!

Le Fantôme says:


Booooo! Make some new cartoooooons and it’ll keep me busy so I won’t have to haunt your dog to amuuuuuuuse myself!


The Ghost

Bawb says:

Did you finally loose it? :p

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